SPAM and Urinating in a Public Pool

I'm tired of hearing spammer's lame excuses and rationalizations. Spamming newsgroups can reasonably be compared to urinating in a public pool. When they are caught, we would hear stuff like:

"Uh-- I didn't know I wasn't supposed to piss in the pool. After all, its full of water -- just like my toilet at home."

"It's a really large pool."

"No one will really care."

"I'm sure there are some people here who really WANT to swim in my piss."

"After all, this is a free pool; I can piss here if I want to."

"It's too much trouble to get up and walk all the way to the bathroom."

"How DARE they get upset over a few ounces of my piss!"

"If they don't want to swim in my piss, they should never use the pool!"

"I had to buy my bathing suit, so pissing in this pool IS costing me money! This isn't a free ride for pissers as some of you claim!"

"It is anti-American to restrict freedom of urination! Will you start censoring #2 after that?!?!?!"

"There are already big guys pissing in the pool. Why are you singling out the little guy? ...No... No, I CAN'T point out a big pisser..."

"I can't AFFORD to piss on anyone in other more expensive facilities..."

"There's no law that says I can't piss in the POOL, Article XXXXX refers to pissing in the STREET."

"I can only piss in the pool 20 times in a 45 day period? That's absurd! That's unacceptible!"

"I would like to apologize for my twin brother, who was caught pissing in the pool yesterday and gave my name. It wasn't me. Honest! I've never been near the place! He's being punished by being sent to live with relatives real far away, so you'll never see _him_ again."

"Yes, I pissed in your pool, but it was an experiment for a biology class I'm taking. Thank you for your cooperation."

"Hi, my name is Jerry Reynolds, and MCI is letting me re-route a large sewer line into your pool. Have a nice swim."

"I have been informed that you have removed my piss from your pool. My legal councel has advised me that what you did is an illegal actionable tort that infringes my civil rights and is in violation of the Sherman Anti-Trust Act, the Mann Act, and the NATO charter. You have acted without due diligence, committed liable and slander and defamed my good name with malice aforethought, and now you will pay. I have a five-figure lawyer budget and a team of private investigators who will find you. Please call my attorneys at the law firm of Hungadunga, Hungadunga, Hungadunga, & McCormick and give them your address so that you may be served and then arrested. Litigiously yours, Tim J Chandler Britto Sledgemore"

"I know I said I would stop pissing in the pool three months ago, but I thought 'the hell with the rest of you'."

"Since they kicked me out for pissing in this end of the pool, I'll piss in the other end of the pool."

"But I need to empty my bladder!"

"Pissing in the pool is easy, I'll show you how."

"THIS REALLY WORKS! Just send $5 to the five people who just pissed on you, piss on at least 200 more people (making sure to tell them to do the same), and within no time you won't even *need* water in the pool. Won't have to heat it either. AND ITS PERFECTLY LEGAL!!!"

"Our new "Stealth Suit" puts another swimmer's name on you so that nobody will know it is you that is pissing in the pool."

"Our market research has indicated that you wanted us to piss in your pool."

"To have the piss in your pool removed, just email your request to piss-off@fakeemailaddress.com"

"Do you have any ticklish people in your pool? That would make me so excited, I could just piss!"

"What we are doing is not pissing. It is an act of bio-filtration that is actually removing harmful chemicals from your pool water each time we do it. If you will just visit our web site at...."

"Well if you stop me pissing from this part of the pool I'll just move to another part of the pool where I have court orders that mean I can piss from there."

"Well I'm not going to piss in the pool until Tuesday January 20th."

"Although my 'repentance' from the practice of pissing in the pool WAS genuine when I made it back in October, I have since reconsidered my position. A lot of what caused my departure from that repentance is very practical. The vast majority of you NEVER give a repentant pisser any credibility, encouragement, etc. anyway. Why attempt to change when a break is never afforded even after evidence of change (50+ days of almost no pissing whatsoever + antipissing efforts in the my own pool) is offered? I have stated that it is my intention to drastically reduce the amount of pissing that I will be doing...and the color of the water over the last few days should indicate this. I have NOT, however, repudiated my pro-pissing position."

"That terrorist anti-pool-piss radical hacked my pisser!!"

"I don't piss in the pool indiscriminately. That piss was *targeted* at you."

"So what if the pool's inundated with piss? It's the rec center's job to handle it because they decided to open up the pool."

"I only piss in the pool; I *NEVER* show anything indecent to your kids in the process."

"What's your problem? You objected to me pissing in the pool, & I had to piss *somewhere*, so of course I came to your place & pissed in your bath."

"Your attempts to stop me from urinating in a public pool are nothing but religious discrimination and a violation of my first amendment rights. What are you, some sort of racist?"

"You don't like my piss in your pool? Then just clean your pool!" ["Just hit delete!"]

"You don't want to clean my piss out of your pool yourself? Then install a filter for your pool. Or wear a wetsuit and aqualung!"