Dance, Monkey, Dance!

So I was just driving down the road minding my own business when I heard a loud thump on the side of my truck. "What the hell??" I said out loud to myself.

Thinking somebody's kid was trying to make a break for it across the street at the last second and had run head first into my truck (which is not unusual for the region I've had the unfortunate experience of living in for far too long and being surrounded by an overabundance of asshat locals), I immediately hit the brakes and hop out to inspect the damage.

But there was only a few kids standing around at the nearby street corner waiting for their school bus to pick them up. The little ones appeared to be aged 8 to 12 and gazed at the tallest one in their group, and there he was, the skinny 6'5" adolescent who looked guilty and was obviously their leader.

CACA Needs Your Support In The Fight Against DWTS

Scientists and entertainers on ABC have JUST gotten out of hand. Their foul plans bring godlessness and corruption to everything they touch. They have defied Gawd's Holy Word and have committed the following abominations against Gawd and Man:

1. made the earth round
2. made monkeys unto our forefathers
3. allowed women to read and write, to have orgasms, and lay with other women

5 Tips For Losing Weight Fast

Summer is finally here. And I have some handy tips compiled in a short list for losing that winter weight fast. Five to be exact - not ten or twenty - that is so 2005. At any rate, after months of being stored under the stairwell, I got out the bike, lubed it up, and checked all the linkages. Gears shifting smoothly, check. Brakes, check. Proper tire pressure, check. I'll take it out for a test spin. Just peddle around a couple miles. No problem. It'll be good exercise.

I carefully carry the bike out through the front door and out onto the porch. I lock up, suit up, and I'm off down the street. I am pedaling away like a 10-year-old with boundless energy. Thrusting my right foot in front of my left as if I am floating on air. Oh, yeah, this is easy. Seven months since I've ridden and I am like a god on wheels.

Winter Sucks Snowballs

Bazillionth major snow storm this winter even makes Punxsutawney Phil frustrated.

LINK

The Sixty-Four Thousand Dollar Question At Walmart

As I've gotten older very few things shock me anymore. Mostly, things that are meant to be shocking end up making me laugh...which happens quite frequently. I often burst out into fits of laughter. I must look like a crazy person...just laughing hysterically seemingly for no reason.

Whether I'm at the bank and see my account balance after I make a deposit; whether I'm opening my mail and come across my latest cable bill; or whether I'm surfing the internets. This would be one of those moments.

To Be A Cop Or To Be A Racial Profiler..That Is The Question

The ill-advised (in my opinion) arrest of Harvard Professor Henry Lewis Gates last week by Cambridge Police Officer Sgt. James Crowley for being "uppity", caught the attention of the nation, but it was President Obama's comment that the Cambridge Police "acted stupidly" and the rather terrible response by the Cambridge Police Union at its press conference, which created a much-needed national conversation about race, law enforcement, and American culture.

Continue reading more about bigotry, racism, and hatred in law enforcement.

Can You Hear Me Now?

"The inability to stay quiet is one
of the conspicuous failings of mankind."

- Walter Bagehot, 1826-1877

I'm sure you've all been asking yourselves "where has that wild and crazy guy, Static been?" I'll tell you in this torrid tale, just for your inquiring minds that will make your socks shoot off your feet, right into the dirty clothes hamper. It's about damn time too, they were starting to get all crunchy it's been so long since ya changed 'em. Hasn't it?

My gripe of the week: Goddamn cellphone tards! Consider yourself warned.

When Pigs Fly

I am sick of hearing about the swine flu epidemic!
Krapsody just did the math, and we are...eh..I am not so good (in fact you could say HORRIBLE) at math - but according to "our" calculations: .000003% of the planet's population is infected. I think it's okay to be cautious, but I also think we should be realistic about the threat.

All the ridiculous paranoia and internet buzz over it now.

Drivel that includes:

"How do you think the Swine Flu will affect the USA? I'm guessing not too bad... vote now!"

"It was once said that a black man would be president "when pigs fly" indeed 100 days into Obama's presidency SWINE FLU!"

"How does one steer clear of swine flu? ...GO VEGAN!!!"

"Wash your hands!"

"Avoid people who have the sniffles!"

"Avoid anyone coughing!"

"Cough into your elbow!"

"Avoid people and public places!"

"Don't eat any pork products!"

"Is ham made from pigs?!"

Blah blah blah fercrissakes what a mob of bumbling idiots! Blaming Mexico and pigs. As far as washing hands and coughing or sneezing into your elbow, that's just common sense. Do we really have to be reminded of this? But washing your hands alone isn't going to be enough if the virus spreads via airborne transmission.

It seems to me that if it was as infectious as the CDC, the US Department of Health and the WHO are making it out to be..

..then more people have probably been exposed than they are counting on...which I believe more people would have it by now. Since I have every disease known to man..that makes me an expert on infectious diseases.

141 people in the U.S. get swine flu and everyone is wearing masks--millions of people get AIDS and no one wants to wear condoms? What the devil is that all about?

I've read about the media creating mass hysteria, recently even, in my psychology class. I could understand how Orson Wells and the War of the World's radio broadcast in 1938 sent people jumping out of windows in a fit of hysterics. People were paranoid, more impressionable and had access to less information than we do in our era.

Speaking of stupidity and ignorance in the information age, I have to wonder why Russia decided to ban imports of beef and possibly chicken because of swine flu. Does this seem like logical reasoning?

And what about people who have allergies? If they sneeze or cough, are they going to be dragged off to a quarantine camp somewhere for fear they have the dreaded sow sickness?

I get the fact that this could be considered a health threat. For gosh sakes nearly...16 people in Mexico died from it..but Mexico doesn't have the greatest health care system in the world either. Children, the elderly, and those with compromised immune systems are most at risk. So be sure to pack them all into a biohazard suit until the coast is clear.

Do you know how to tell if you have swine flu? Your tail curls. No seriously, click that link for some advice from a doctor about the poop on swine flu, quit letting others tell you what it is or how it spreads and find out for yourself. edit: so do you have swine flu?

I think ignorance and believing things that just aren't true are the real epidemic. Frankly, poor grammar is a worse epidemic than swine flu in my opinion.

Swine flu's got nothing on good ol' bubonic plague...I'm just sayin'. I think we'll have a vaccine strong enough to combat the swine flu before any epidemic rivals that of the Black Death.

The name the WHO gave it even sucks. Swine Flu. Why not: Hog Virus or Piggy Syndrome? But noooooooooo! They wouldn't listen to me!

Their media circus has led other nations like Egypt to slaughter thousands of pigs, hoping to stop the spread of the disease. In the wake of the "swine flu" hysteria the WHO have created, they've now decided to RENAME the bug.

WHO spokesman Dick Thompson acknowledged that the term "swine flu" was misleading consumers and needlessly causing countries to ban pork products and order the slaughter of pigs, over concerns the agriculture industry and U.N. food agency had expressed.

"Rather than calling this swine flu ... we're going to stick with the technical scientific name H1N1 influenza A," Thompson said.

It's now called, H1N1 Influenza A? Gee, that's a much better name alright...



The virus isn't a new one either, as far back as the 70's they discovered the virus in four different forms originating in pigs, but probably mutated at some point and spread with human-to-human contact.

Keep in mind that this virus is infectious up to 48 hours before symptoms appear, so your "well appearing" contacts may actually be infectious. Holding your breath in confined spaces is highly recommended. IF you start turning blue, just continue holding your breath..either way you're screwed pal.

And also keep avoiding pork products. Be sure to wash your hands every five seconds, people will think you are OCD and have you sent off to a rubber room.

Especially since the AP reports a little over an hour ago that the "swine flu" may be less potent than first feared. Feel confused, or stupid now?

It's ironic that people freak out if someone leaves their dog in the car while they buy a quart of milk. But it's ok to lock 5,000 pigs in a confinement center to wallow in their own shit festering with diseases, so close together all they can do is sniff the ass of the pig in front of them.

That's the true face of "the other white meat". What a load of pig shit. The pig has had it rough enough. Lay off them for awhile, ya jerks!

Lastly, health smealth. WHO cares? Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. Death should not be seen as the end, but as a very effective way to cut down expenses. Swine flu is the best thing that ever happened to me. Flights are super cheap because of it. Mexico here I come..I'll be as happy as a pig wallowing in it's own zen!

I'm gonna go get kinky with some swine. See ya when I see ya (or not because I may get H1N1 Influenza A hog virus and spew out my last krap ever)!


Click the image for more Piggy Kink


Also, in another Mexico related news story:

Diners report seeing Virgin Mary in food griddle

In Calexico, California a cook says she saw the likeness of the Virgin Mary on a griddle as it was being cleaned.

Maybe we can all pray to the Virgin Mary griddle that we don't have a swine flu epidemic on our hands and then we'll make some killer pork lard pancakes with it...and a side of bacon.

p.s. Happy Mother's Day

who said you can put lipstick on a pig, but it's still a pig?


----------------
Listening to:

Ask Static: The Fifth Element

And now...another moment of venting and rage spewed upon the intarwib and your unlucky eyeballs.

Thought For The Day No. Six

Today's story: The Lulzercaust Campaign Trail of Tears.

While doing some investigating on my Google Analytics account I discovered that within our beloved country, I am missing out on some big love. Namely, two states that seem oblivious to the existence of Krapsody. In this day and age the question is how?

Shoot A Leprechaun Day

St. Patty's Day. Parades. Drinking. Leprechauns. Leprechauns make me lol. I still believe the only good leprechaun is a dead leprechaun. Sadly, shooting one will not bring you any lucky charms, but I know it makes me feel better.

I don't know if you're aware of this small fact, but your average urban Leprechaun is a cunning bastard and will take anything that hasn't been nailed down. One year they took my patio furniture. I was rather surprised, because the plastic flamingoes were probably worth more. And contrary to popular belief, if you catch one, you will not get three wishes or a pot of gold. You will only get a kick in the crotch or a pull of the johnson or teat. A most painful and surprising turn of events if you're not ready for it. Take my word for it.

Thought For The Day No. Five

Another passing thought I had today when ol' Octomom Nadya Suleman crossed my mind momentarily.

Now that Nadya's tape of her giving birth to her octuplets will be sold to any takers offering a seven figure sum, we'll soon officially know what it's like to witness what it must be like to see a cantaloupe being tossed out of the Grand Canyon...once it's posted on the internet that is.

If You Have Any Poo, Please Fling It Now

"Honey, Have You Seen My Anti Monkey Butt Powder? I Sense a Powerful Chafing Coming On."
- An Ephemerist Blogger

Sat Feb. 21, 2009

STAMFORD, Conn. (Krapsody) – I just took a big dump. Nothing in the world feels better. Really, I know it's gross and probably too much information for you, but that's just how I feel.

And in other news if you hadn't heard about this yet, a chimp ripped some chicks face off, apparently for having a new hairstyle. It must of been a really bad one to piss off a chimp loaded on Xanax. Or maybe the chimp wasn't doped up on Xanax at all, maybe he was just high on life. You'll have to read more of this story to find out...you're in for one hell of a rant.

In Stamford, Connecticut a drug-crazed celebrity chimp was stabbed and shot to death after he mauled a woman's friend nearly to death on Monday Feb 16. Truly a sad tale of a chimp going "bananas" on a lady's face. Turns out the woman who owned the attacking chimp is bananas as well.

Sandra Herold, a 70-year-old widow whose daughter was killed in a car accident several years ago, kept a chimpanzee named Travis as a pet.

Herold said in an interview aired Wednesday morning on NBC's "Today" show that she gave Travis the anti-anxiety drug Xanax in some tea less than five minutes before he attacked her friend Charla Nash, 55 — even showing a reporter the mug.

Travis appeared in TV commercials for Old Navy and Coca-Cola when he was younger, and at home he was treated like a member of the family. A family friend said Herold fed the chimp steak, lobster, ice cream and Italian food. That was one spoiled chimp.

Police have said Herold told them that she gave Travis the chimp Xanax that had not been prescribed for him earlier on Monday to calm him because he had been agitated.

Later Herold told the AP the chimp "was my life" and changed her admission that she gave him any drug, stating she "never, never, never" gave the chimp Xanax. "He [Travis] never had anything but love."

Herold also claimed she loved the now-departed pet chimpanzee Travis like a son, but friends claim their relationship might have been more like that of lovers, The New York Post reports that in addition to Sandra and Travis sharing filet mignon, lobster tails, and wine, "They bathed and slept together. He tenderly brushed her hair. She gave him gifts and sweet kisses. He drew her pictures."

In other words, "Love is a drug, and I am higher than a giraffe's ass."?

And even if they weren't "intimate intimate," they were intimate, Sandra's unnamed intimates intimated.

Only in New England folks!

Herold speculated that Travis was being protective of her when he attacked Nash, who she said was driving a different car, wearing a new hairstyle and holding an Elmo stuffed toy in front of her face as a present to the chimp.

"She had the toy in front of her. This was just a freak thing," Herold said.

I'll tell you what the freak thing is here, having a chimp for a pet.

"It was the most horrible thing that could ever happen," she said.

Authorities are trying to determine why the chimp, a veteran of TV commercials who could dress himself, drink wine from a glass and use the toilet, suddenly attacked. A test for rabies was negative, Stamford police said.

Nash had gone to Herold's home in Stamford on Monday to help her coax the chimp back into the house after he got out.

After the initial attack, Travis ran away and started roaming Herold's property. An officer shot the chimp several times after it opened the door to his cruiser and started to get in.

Maybe he just wanted to go for a ride?

Sandra Herold, the "Pimpanzee" sounds like somebody I'd wanna hang out with... except for the owning an aggressive drug-addled primate part.

Something tells me Herold might have disrupted Travis' wiring at a very precious age. Come to think of it, I think something disrupted Sandra Herold's wiring at a very precious age. If sanity or the lack of it was criteria by which people could or could not become owners of chimpanzees, we'd all be chimps beating each other over the head with bones.

im gonna keel j0o!

According to Dr. Emil Coccaro, chief of psychiatry at the University of Chicago Medical Center, human studies with Xanax have proven to lead to aggression in people who are unstable to begin with.

seconds after this photo was taken
Cheeta the Xanax poster chimp ripped this man's head off

"Xanax could have made him worse," if human studies are any indication, Coccaro said.



The chimpanzee's rampage forced Herold a.k.a Pimpanzee, initially to pound him with a shovel. Realizing she had the biggest moment of FAIL, Herold eventually ran inside her home to call 911 and returned with a knife.

"For me to do something like that — put a knife in him — was like putting one in myself." Herold said Wednesday. "Then he turned around and [was] like, 'Mom, what did you do?'"

It certainly seems someone should have had their medication that day. And should have also had a tranquilizer gun handy...for Sandra I mean.



I wonder if Sandra Pimpanzee's knuckles get sore from being dragged around on the ground so much?

Herold's voice was filled with fear and horror in 911 tapes released by police Tuesday night.

Travis can be heard grunting as Herold cries for help:

"He's killing my friend!"

The dispatcher says, "Who's killing your friend?"

Herold replies, "My chimpanzee! He ripped her apart! Shoot him, shoot him!"

"Your chimpanzee?" the dispatcher asks in disbelief.

"Yes! Yes! Z0MG YES!" Herold cries.

(screeches and grunts heard in background)

"What's the monkey doing now?" the dispatcher asks.

Who the hell hires these 911 operators? They should be fired along with the operator who would ask such a stupid question and waste time making judgements to assess a situation, when that is really up to the police and paramedics.

What's the woman going to say? "Well..he's done ripping my friends face off now, since you've been stalling for the last five minutes. He's eating a banana and scratching himself at the moment."

So after police arrived, one officer radioed back: "There's a man down. He doesn't look good," he says, referring to the disfigured Nash. "We've got to get this guy out of here. He's got no face."

Charla Nash lost her nose, eyes and jaw. Pleasant..I imagine that was quite horrifying to a small city rookie cop who had probably never even seen blood before.

A visit to Wikipedia regarding Stamford, CT reveals: "Stamford was the ninth-safest city in the United States in 2006 and for the past six years has ranked in the top 11 safest cities with populations of 100,000 or more, according to the FBI. CNN/Money and Money magazine ranked Stamford 46th on its list of the 100 Best Places to Live in the United States."

Unless you have a friend who owns an aggressive chimp.

Doctors at Stamford Hospital said Wednesday that it took four teams of hand specialists, plastic surgeons, specialists in orthopedics, and ophthalmology more than seven hours to stabilize Nash, who made slight progress but remained in critical condition.

Police have said they are looking into the possibility of criminal charges. A pet owner who knew or should have known that an animal was a danger to others can be held criminally responsible.

I have to wonder does Herold feel any remorse or sorrow for her friend's predicament? So far, unless the media hasn't released any additional comments yet, Herold said Nash is a close friend but seems to have only made comments about her beloved chimp.



A defect in Connecticut's laws allowed Herold to keep the chimp in her home, probably illegally. There are rules requiring large primates to be registered by the state, but officials have some discretion in enforcing them and violations carry only minor penalties. Connecticut officials are seeking laws banning potentially dangerous exotic animals.

Primate experts say chimpanzees are unpredictable and dangerous even after living among humans for years. Herold rejected criticism that they are inappropriate pets.

"It's a horrible thing, but I'm not a horrible person and he's not a horrible chimp." she said.

The Crazy Chimp Lady Plot Thickens

As authorities consider criminal charges and the possibility of a lawsuit, Herold backtracked Wednesday on whether she gave the animal the anti-anxiety drug Xanax. She told The Associated Press that she never gave the drug to her 14-year-old chimp, Travis.

However, Herold said in that interview mentioned earlier that she gave Travis the drug in some tea less than five minutes before he attacked Nash, even showing the reporter and viewers the mug, given to him, once again, to calm him because he was "agitated". A necropsy on Travis' body had been performed, but results won't be available for weeks.

That's nice. Could you imagine lying to get out of any responsibility if your dog mangled your friend's face? Who needs friends with enemies like that? I think there are millions of witnesses to her remark that she in fact slipped him a mickey.

Obviously, after Herold heard that Xanax could be the reason why Travis flipped and nearly killed her friend, it's got the woman trying to get out of any wrongdoing.

Lest we forget another woman has come forward claiming Travis attacked her years ago. Leslie Mostel-Paul says she tried shaking Travis' hand, when the chimp tried pulling her through a car window into the car and bit her hand.

Meanwhile, an animal control officer, Lynn DellaBianca, as quoted in that article said she spoke to Herold in 2003 after Travis escaped and frolicked into traffic.

DellaBianca, who ran Stamford's animal shelter at the time, said she warned Herold that the pet's behavior could be a problem.

"Certainly my concern was for public safety," DellaBianca told The AP. "Male chimpanzees, once they reach maturity, can be aggressive. I'm sure I did express that to her."

Herold said she expected to eventually have to give up the chimp, DellaBianca said.

"She did say that herself. She knew someone day he would probably have to go to a sanctuary," DellaBianca said. "She knew chimpanzees, they can get more difficult to handle as they get older."


Krapsody primate behavioral expert, Dubious Monk examines the evidence in this case and came to the following conclusions:

"Are Wild Animals Dangerous?!" Dubious yelled, "No. Not any more than crazy people are. Now feel free to smear monkey pheromones and feces all over yourself and go play with some horny gorillas."

"Gorillas are harmless. Chimpanzees however are vicious. They will smile at you, attempt to look all cute, but lurking just beneath the surface is a monster, waiting..LURKING! Chimpanzees will rip your god-damned face off!!!!"

Bottom line is: Chimps are dangerous! Hello?! Big red truck!
For proof watch a video captured of a chimp beating a man nearly to death simply for wearing Sponge Bob pajamas. LINK

Also watch a horrifying clip of the Bloodthirsty Carpet Monkey claiming his victims!


The famous Steve Irwin also had a warning about chimpanzees. Here is a transcript of a PSA he gave a number of years ago.

"Dear World,

Koalas Chimpanzees are dangerous.

k thx bye!

p.s. don’t let them gnaw on your arm for more than 24 hours DON'T offer them bananas with your bare hand, I know this because I made that mistake. Crikey!

Love,

Steve Irwin"

Experts, including Steve Irwin have stated there are ways to avoid chimp attacks as follows:


Drink a couple gallons of monkey pee before your encounter with a chimpanzee



Wear revolutionary Chimp Warfare clothing - which differs greatly from Gorilla Warfare

(more on Gorilla Warfare here)


Act ganksta around a chimp
krunk is showin' you is rollin' in mad bills yo




Don't attempt this at home: K-Fed is not gangsta - he's a Douchebag!


Up until this point we've heard the cons against owning a monkey.

Here are 9 reasons why you should own a monkey:

Monkeys. They're awesome. You don't really need a list of reasons to own a monkey, but in case you're curious, here are nine very important ones to consider.

1. Drinking Buddy
Banana liquor -- there's a reason bars serve it. But monkey isn't picky either. He'll drink his own urine if given the chance. If you thought your monkey was funny before, wait until he's dancing on the bar to "Fergalicious" after his tenth shot of Jaeger. The bad part is you'll probably be picking up the tab. Totally worth it though.





2. Designated Driver
If movies from the 80's taught us anything, it's that monkeys can drive (and give the finger). Is a cop going to give a monkey a ticket? I mean, who'd believe him? After a long night of drinking, monkey will probably be the better driver anyway, so give him the keys and fasten your safety belt, because it's going to be a thrill-ride no matter where you're going.





3. Childcare
I've never opened the newspaper to read about some Momma monkey leaving her baby inside a car in 100 degree weather. Never once have I seen an evening news piece about a Daddy monkey being thrown in the back of a cop car while a baby monkey is sent away with Child Protective Services. Monkeys love their children and -- since most babies seem to resemble little, hairless primates -- I'm sure your monkey would take to your infant as if it was his or her own. It's up to you when it comes to breaking your children of poo-flinging, though.





4. Blame
They are always saying that you can't blame an animal for the things it does. For its instincts. Monkeys make the perfect fall guy for your everyday screw-ups. No one gets mad at the monkey. Spilled something? Monkey did it! Ate the last slice of pizza? Monkey did it! Slept with your bosses' wife? Monkey did it! Twice. Who farted? I think we know the answer.





5. Two Players
With a monkey you'll always have a second player for anything you choose to do. Monkeys love all games. And, truthfully, you hate losing, so having a monkey as a second player should give you an easy win every time unless you've foolishly chosen something that involves trees and/or vines.







6. Your Girlfriend's Cat
A monkey will easily solve that problem.









7. Backup
Monkeys are loyal. If you've got beef with someone, monkey's got beef with someone, and he will fight to the death to protect you. How many of your boys would do the same? Plus, monkeys have thumbs and that'll come in handy when it's time to draw down on some punk bitches who dare to roll through your hood.






8. Wingman
You know the situation. You're at the bar and you glance at this hottie in the corner hanging with her ugly friends. One of your bros might say, "Dude. Screw you pal, I ain't jumping on that grenade, but not monkey. Monkey doesn't mind taking one for the team. In fact, monkey prefers ladies with extra body hair.





9. Revenge
No one suspects the monkey. Monkeys don't have criminal records and there will be no cross-examining of the witness. There are no records of monkey fingerprints and a police line-up would be pointless. You can safely have your monkey kill your enemies


The "9 Reasons List.." was brought to you by Top10Kid.com

Krapsody's Nottie of The Week™ #6!

"Well I don't mind stealing bread
From the mouths of decadents
But I can't feed on the powerless
When my cup's already overfilled

Yeah
But it's on the table
The fire's cooking
And they're farming babies
The slaves are all working

Blood is on the table
The mouths are all choking
But I'm goin' hungry
Yeah"

- excerpt from song "Hunger Strike"
by Temple of the Dog

Octomom? Octopussy? OCTONAUT. Whatever you want to call Nadya Suleman, this is all I know. Nadya, I see your face when I am dreaming. That's why from the day I saw your face I always wake up screaming.

Just for kicks folks, how about we do a bit of a role-play. I'll be the doctor, and you be the patient..or if ya really wanna get kinky, I could be Nadya Suleman and you could inseminate this test tube for me for 20 more screaming babies!

I imagine that Nadya in the near future will be placing a personal ad looking for Mr. Right (Mr. Stupid) and looking for love in all the wrong places. Well, "wooking por nub"..might look like this.




"What human in this planet is capable of taking care of 14 independently without support from family, from friends, from church? No human is!" Suleman was quoted as saying..unless they're unemployed and receiving help from the government to flip the bill to the tune of at least $1.5M, that's how. Riiight. And there are thousands of people who have recently lost their jobs, their homes, and are glad or lucky to have a bowl of warm gruel from a local shelter to feed their children with.

Having had three miscarriages before she attempted in vitro fertilization she must not have heard God correctly. Suleman stated her biological decisions were a "gamble" she was willing to take. You can't put the toothpaste back in the tube on this one.

These 14 children are going to need MORE than a village to help raise them.

Suleman's mother Angela has been housing and supporting her daughter Nadya and her six grandchildren by a previous in vitro fertilization procedure in a "cramped" living arrangement for years. All the while not seeing a dime of Nadya's more than $167,000 settlement on a worker's comp claim, after she was injured in 1999 while employed as a psychiatric technician at a state mental hospital.

Finally, comparisons to Angelina Jolie? Really? I think not. Maybe she wishes that, maybe others are making that comparison. She certainly seems to have had some cosmetic surgery done as shown in this photo of her prior to this latest IVF (in vitro Whaddevadafuck!) Angelina is reportedly "totally creeped out" by the woman.

Geez guys, I can only wish Nadya the best of luck, she's gonna need it considering the cost of raising 14 kids, that is if she intends to return to work...at least part-time to help financially support them. Or she could farm babies and sell them on the black market. Maybe Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie could adopt a few of them to help out?

Of course, there are offers for book deals and business proposals like television programs, but Suleman has not decided on any one project yet. Must be nice to have those options, considering the reasons for her fame.

Well, most people's preconceived idea of fame is that it must be great, but I should think fame, especially that particular kind of fame, most people really would not want. Unless they are insane in the membrane. What. Don't you know Nadya's loco?

Despite this stigma that will likely follow this woman the rest of her days, possibly for her children as well..her current plans are to continue pursuing a master's degree in counseling at California State University at Fullerton, but it seems apparent to me that she needs to be the one seeking counseling. She's literally, quite MAD.

To make matters worse, it makes me ashamed that this 33 year-old person is a representative of Generation-X, my generation. I'm only four years older than this baby-making machine and I have not one single child (to the best of my knowledge.) Uggh, how scary would that be? Her attachment to my generation just adds to the whole negative connotations of people in the 28 to 48 year-old age group.

But in all the mess, it's the children I feel most for here.
Their innocence will be tainted by this media circus and the mere fact their mother is stark raving mad. Imagine future job interviews for one of these kids.

"Name?"

"Suleman, sir/ma'am. Jonah Suleman."

"Oh, I see. Say, you're one of the Octomom's test-tube offspring aren't ya boy?"

"Um, yeah."

"NEXT!"

You know I really do detest feeling cynical, but it's people with this kind of thinking that is ruining the planet. This is clearly a case of the stupid getting rewarded for their asinine behaviors.

I just hope the stupid stop breeding and popping out babies like Pez dispensers long enough for the intelligent people to catch up in numbers. But I suppose that's never gonna happen when the ignorant don't even realize that birth control exists yet, or if they do, they consider it "unnatural" and a "sin."

Mmkay. So...how do I follow that up?

See ya whenever I have an article that tops this one.

  

Higher Than a Giraffe's Ass

"The search for wisdom is a great challenge; to act on wisdom is an even greater challenge."
- Jagadguru Siddhaswarupananda Paramahamsa

What does the term "higher than a giraffe's ass" mean? It 's when someone is really high (on life... or drugs.)

Eulogy On Death and Dying

..is the business of life.

The cycles of nature require death, but they are senseless to the way we ultimately get there. Indeed, dying is an uneasy prospect and one of which we do not wish to be reminded. Life simply crawls to its end, irrevocably and without discrimination.

One thing that has stuck in my mind since the news of my father's death last Tuesday, is that relationships usually don't change when people are faced with bad news. That's why it's important to build on the strengths and not the weaknesses of a relationship that are in place before an illness comes about, before they are gone, or you may end up having regrets.

Bad Holiday Theme Campaigns

This is a story about the ACCCE's Magical Mystery Carbon Storage Adventure! and their Bad Holiday Campaign to promote "clean coal."

ACCCE in recent years has spread its falsehoods on TV, radio, and in print, often spending millions. In 2008, ACCCE’s clean coal campaign reportedly had $50 million to spend on pro-coal, anti-climate initiatives.

And this is the shit they spent it on.

Your Dream Job is Awaiting You - You Asshat

Want a cush consulting job in information technology? Well wait no longer. If your dream job is in the field of I.T. consulting then all you need is a clip-on tie and a rudimentary understanding of the dangers of fire; "fire bad - computers good." If you can make hand tools with flint rock you are in like Flynn, you furrow browed neanderthal.

Just be sure to plug-in that desktop system whilst standing in a bucket of water you slobbering halfwit. Before you say, c'mon now.. that's not true, that can't be true. No one's that f*cking stupid. Invariably, first person detection of third person f*cktardation is almost always immediately followed by denial, often verbally expressed, especially in the form,
"No one's THAT f*cking stupid."

I say, YES, yes they are. I've dealt with them. I digress.

Want a second opinion? Just ask Mark of Neonbubble.com for examples on exactly how stupid an I.T. consultant can be. Be sure to put in your applications if your IQ is 60 or under.

All I can say is, holy shit. If I didn't know any better I'd say that the I.T. employee Mark works with is employed by the federal or state government here in the states, or possibly the IRS. How do these techtards get these jobs? Did McDonald's fire them because they couldn't figure out how the register works and so then I.T. consulting companies pick these stupes up off the curb? Completely mind-blowing.


Stumbled it (how could I not?) :)