When Hamsters Attack is the #1 website for Hamster Attack Prevention or H.A.P. The best ways to prevent a hamster attack is to stay away from tiny exercise wheels. Do not play "Cher's Greatest Hits" on your boom box. This music has been known to make gerbils go berserk, and may have a similar effect on hamsters. Do not dress entirely in red clothing. You might be mistaken for a giant apple, which most hamsters consider to be a delicious treat.
The most famous of all hamsters was Abrahamster Lincoln.
Killer hamsters were bred in Amsterdam. Scientists in Amsterdam conducted genetic experiments and took chromosomes from a zombie, and a group of stoned and unassuming college students enjoying their spring break in Holland....so basically the same thing. This potent concoction had disastrous consequences and the end result was a hamster so terrifyingly out of control not even the TSA could stop them from entering the country.
I'll be honest with you; hamsters are pretty gangster.
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| This hamster had the largest black market Pokemon collection known to children everywhere (that's illegal in case you didn't know it). He killed 300 FBI agents with his bare paws. |
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| Hamsters know how to pimp their hoes. |
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| Hamsters can smuggle a kilo of cocaine or heroin in their cheeks. Just keep stuffing it in. It'll fit!! |
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| They hijack commercial airliners. |
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| I will kill you. |
So if a hamster is chasing you, climb up a tree and hang onto one of the branches. But be forewarned: if the hamster waves at you, do not wave back. (It's a cunning hamster trick). If you are attacked by a hamster, curl up into a ball and lie motionless on the ground. Most hamsters don't live past the age of three, so be patient.
