Lick The Big Bone (Revised)

 

"The greatest service which can be rendered any country is to add a useful plant to its culture."

- Thomas Jefferson

I don't know about you, but I sure would like a puff of whatever plants he was smokin'.

You can thank Thomas Jefferson, the third President of the United States (1801–1809), and the principal author of the Declaration of Independence (1776), for starting what would become the largest collection of North American Mammoth fossil bones (in scientific speak that means, old massive pricks.) **No thanks to that wonderful duo, Lewis and Clark and their perverse expedition across America.**

History and science come together in this fascinating story of a woodland salt lick, and how the fossilized Big Bones found there influenced the beginnings of paleontological pornography in America.

Located on Beaver Road, between the communities of Beaverlick and Rabbit Snatch, Northern Kentucky's Big Bone Lick saline springs have nurtured man and animal for centuries. And the Big Bones of extinct mastodons, bison and other creatures are buried deep in there to prove it.

The park features several nature trails, including the Outdoor Museum of Big Bonin' with Discovery Trail (I'll let you decide what that means), complete with spurting springs -  and everyone knows that Kentuckians love salty springs erupting from Big Bones, just as much as Georgians do.

Ever seen Deliverance?

We're all Georgians..well, sorta..not really. But we do have Big Bones. To the Gulag, Boris!

Biology Professor emeritus Eyema Hedonist, illuminates a time when the concept of extinction of the Big Bone was considered outrageous, if not downright blasphemous, since it contradicted the biblical doctrine of a perfect, unchanging Big Bone creation. The Big Bone Theory - if you will - was met with much criticism.
 
Early 18th-century Big Bone naturalists believed the Big Bones were remnants of some, get this: rare type of elephant dong, possibly even Asian elephant dongs that had somehow wandered into American forests.. let's just see how many hits those underlined search words get on Google. God knows I've had plenty for whale penis.

Thomas Jefferson used the Mammoth bones to refute the European idea that the New World environment was inferior and unable to grow large animals.

No doubt, this theory was unfounded.

 

These elephants got Big Bones.

** In RuneScape, or Run(Escape) as it is known in some circles; Big Bones are items associated with the skill prayer. Any Runescape nerd knows Big Bones give 15 experience points when buried (we won't tell you where.)

This is over three times as much experience as bones, making big bones an extremely popular method of training prayer in free-to-play (F2P). They are dropped by normally large monsters, such as any sorts of giants (or elephants as pictured above), giant frogs, ogres, your Wicked Stepmother, etc.

Your Wicked Stepmother likes Big Bones
but she don't get none

The only free-to-play monsters that drop big bones are: hill giants, moss giants, ice giants, and your Wicked Stepmother.

Lately the price has been skyrocketing for big bones, most likely because of such high demand.

So dig deep if you wanna buy a Big Bone!

**Additional note: It's also common knowledge that porn stars like Big Bones too. Just ask porn star Nikki Benz. She'll tell you all about her love for Big Bones.

Poised for greatness, she can make Big Bones disappear before your very eyes. She has starred in plenty of Big Bone prone movies, and has plans to make many many more.

Nikki bends over backwards for Big Bones...
..the FREE couch also needs a new home and a good cleaning. Any takers?

The scumbucket soul and bone-sucking porn industry is always seeking Big Bones to add to their collection. But since you don't have a Big Bone, you're excluded.



Today Big Bone lies mostly in obscurity, much like this blogger's articles. However, with the advent of Viagra and Cialis, Big Bone may rise again. Long live Big Bone! The End.

It's amazing what you can find on the 'interweb', said Jumbone Licker, If I were to surf the net more often, I'd totally do it nekkid!

You can get more of this degenerate, obscure blog-tard and his mammoth Big Bone by subscribing to his feeds today. Don't wait another minute...you're wasting time and testing his patience now...do it! Do it now, or suffer a most supernaturally heinous paper cut.