The Right to Arm Bears

Frankly, I think this idea never properly caught on.

Black Friday Surprise

Duck Dynasty's Phil Robertson Puts the Nasty in Dynasty

| Dec. 30, 2013

In this stunning, never-before-seen and recently uncovered video, Duck Dynasty star Phil Robertson has some hobbies that most people will find far outside the mainstream.



Drink up, wise quacker, your beard needs lots of nourishment--giving the rest of us a real reason to "fear the beard".

Rebecca's Black Friday

A Special Report by Dubious Monk

Mon. Nov. 25, 2013 (Fargo, N.D.) - Black Friday evokes all kinds of things to the average consumer. Deep discounts and doorbuster deals are enticing and have consumers lining up to snag them—which is exactly what retailers want. But most retailers have limited quantities of heavily-discounted items, which require consumers to be crafty in how they get those must-have gifts.

This is where the atypical suburbanite Mrs. Rebecca Robinson comes in. A forty-something year old woman who has ruthlessly perfected her holiday shopping strategy. Known as a fearsome "powershopper" amongst her small community, Robinson's skills are respected, if not despised, by all who know her.

Universal Obamacare on the Mend

Tue. Oct. 8, 2013 (Krapsody) - Late this afternoon the switch to turn the government back on has been flipped. Dems have acknowledged that in order to satiate and reward repubs, they had to provide some incentive to reach an agreement over the Obamacare stand-off.

As part of the deal that has been struck, Obama's much lauded death panels have gotten the green light. As per the agreement, Republicans will get to choose one patient each to die in a trade-off between affordable care and the forceful nature of the socialist empire.

If you did not get the memo, the Federation
will not comply with straightforward answers
to your questions about Obamacare.

Most likely the death panels will begin cutting off life support for persons in vegetative states first, and then slowly begin denying expensive treatments to other individuals on the grounds that treatments are "not medically necessary".

Be prepared to see an increase in medical malpractice as inexperienced interns will cause the health care industry to be flooded with complaints and lawsuits.
Hey, the end . . . always justifies the means, people.

Additionally, placebos will be commonplace as well as unlicensed medical procedures will not only be encouraged, they may be necessary in some circumstances as citizens may have to wait months to get an appointment with their physicians inside the government-required health care juggernaut.

Those needing treatments and procedures to improve their health or save their lives can visit their local bookstore and/or visit e-tailers like Amazon to purchase how-to guides.

Examples of the kinds of specialties you could expect to see on store shelves include "The How-To Guide: Home Anesthesiology", "Self-Appendectomy For Idiots", "Semi-healthy Alternatives to Chemotherapy" and "Neurosurgery For Dummies".

Look for Krapsody's own procedural guide: "How to Perform a Vasectomy in 30 Seconds" available on the web for the low low introductory price of $9.95 plus $3 in "just for the fuck of it" fees.

Hangin' with Einstein

Who was Albert Einstein?

Most people know him as the biggest super genius to ever live in this world — even smarter than Stephen Hawking and Al Roker combined.

Albert Einstein (b. 1879 - d. 1955) was a German-American physicist, who won the Nobel Prize for Physics in 1921. He was a mathematics professor at the Institute for Advanced Study at Princeton, and a mentor for clowns at Clown University, a private educational institution that was funded by a communist organization.

Ronald McDonald and Ronald Reagan attended and graduated from Clown U and went on to do great things with the knowledge they acquired there.

One Way to Find the Inner Peace You're Looking For

Tired of that obscene emptiness and that dark inner void on the road to seeking your inner peace? Well, after all the crazy stuff that's gone down in the media lately, I think we could all use a moment to relax and just forget about it all.

Here, this should help:

LINK

Waldo Did It

The evidence against Waldo is overwhelming. The sneaky little bastard.

Mayan Death Toad Destroys World Today

Friday December 21, 2012 (Krapsody) — In case you didn't get the memo: The world is coming to an end! Over two thousand bazillion years ago the Mayans predicted a giant death toad was going to appear in the sky, it will eat the sun and rays will shoot out of it's eyes destroying the universe as we know it.

Now I know some people are going to want to lick it, but the Mayan Death Toad won't have it. This is no time for last minute wishes or regrets. Too late. There's no escape. Just ask people in time zones ahead of us, like in China or Australia. But you can't because they're all gone! If you have been told that China and all it's people are still there, you're wrong! The cunning Mayan Death Toad knows how to trick people. It's had over two thousand bazillion years to prepare for this moment!

What up with Sarah Palin's "Shuck n' Jive" comment?

Just days prior to Obama's reelection, Ms. Palin made a statement on her Facebook page with some offhand remark about Obama and her opinions about his handling of the Benghazi attack, referring to his administration's response as a "Shuck and Jive shtick." Her opponents have been wondering what she meant by that comment. Was her statement racist, or was it taken out of context? Krapsody tracked her down to find out.

Palin, down wit de jive.

"'Sup, dudes! Mah' dojigger be Sarah Palin and I'm waaay down wid de JIVE rap, suckas. Duzn't assume dat plum a'cuz ah' used some phrase about Obama usin' 'SHUCK N' JIVE' means ah' am some kinda racist or sumtin'."

Overly Attached Jesus

My ex is a bit psycho. They just can't understand why I don't like overprotective and clingy.

based on Overly Attached Girlfriend @ Know Your Meme

#BlasphemyDay

p.s. it's satire. Want to do the world a service? Be tolerant, even of those that are intolerant of you and/or your beliefs. #ToleranceDay

Next Time Just Shoot Yourself

A Super Bowl Sneak Peek

So, what will you be doing during Madonna's Super Bowl halftime show?

My Encounter With Bigfoot By Karl Childers

"Some folks call it a sling blade,
I reckon I call it a Kaiser blade.
Good for slicin' up bisquits
and French fried 'taters."

One time I's prowling in the wilderness, wandering about, kindly got lost and so weak and hungry I couldn't go. When it begin to get cool, I found a big cave and crawled backin there to get warm. Mm-hmm. Crawled back in and come upon a leaf bed and I dozed off to sleep.

I heard a nawful racket coming into that cave, and something come in and crawled right over me and laid down like a big old bear. It was a hairy thing and when it laid down it went chomp, chomp, chawing on something. I thought to myself, "I'll see what it is and find out what it is eating." Mm-hmm.

Raptor Santa Nearly Ruins Christmas

Sun. Jan. 01, 2012

Minneapolis, MN. (Krapsody) - The seasonal experience of children sitting on Santa's lap and reading him their wishlist is a time-honored tradition, and a delight for young and old. But some things that we experience in our youth will be cherished forever, and some things will never be the same again after experiencing them.

On Saturday December 24 at a Macy's "Santa Workshop" in a Minneapolis mall, shoppers and employees got more than what they bargained for when a curious girl sitting on Santa's lap gave his beard a tug to test it's authenticity. But Santa's beard gave way revealing the scaly-faced reptilian grimace of none other than Raptor Santa - shocking everyone.

Political Suess

What if life in Washington were like a Dr. Seuss book? Don't you wonder what that might be like? I know I do. It's not as far-fetched as you might think.

Yertle the Turtle thinks he is the king of the pond. He brags that he is the biggest, the fastest, and the strongest. All was well until he decided his kingdom was too small. He made each turtle stand on another one’s back. And he piled them all up in a big turtle stack. And underneath Yertle, it's turtles all the way down.

Goldman Sachs Joins Occupy Wall Street

In this hilarious parody Goldman Sachs CEO and Chairman Lloyd Blankfein joins the Occupy Wall Street movement and surprisingly he doesn't get pepper sprayed.

Some highlights:

* 0:37 Sifting through his wallet, not-Blankenfein exclaims, "I plan to stay down here for as long as I can with what I have on me. Let's see, that's two hundred...three hundred...four hundred thousand dollars. That should last, what? About a week?"

* 1:12 "I've done a lot of terrible things, but I've never hunted a homeless man for sport. Can Richard Branson say that?"

* 1:41 "Goldman Sachs is not Satan, but we do manage the majority of his offshore assets."

Credit: Rusty Ward (LINK)

Raid Kills Pests On Contact

Endorsed by Lt. John Pikes and Megyn Kellys everywhere.

Herman Cain's Revised 999 Plan

If You Want To Occupy, Occupy This

Occupy Wall Street has been gaining momentum since it was conceptualized, spreading globally to places as far away as Antarctica. Many occupiers have taken to the internet to air their grievances, and social networks like Facebook have provided an accessible place for protesters to gather together and discuss news and other subjects related to their cause. So far there's been a large turnout. However, it hasn't stopped there. The movement to Occupy has made it to the stars, because only the stars are the limit.