Have Ya Seen a Hicksville License Application?

Ever seen a license application from Hicksville? That's right, Hicksville. It may be located in a rural area near you. There's a Hicksville in every state and nation.

Today I'd like to share and have a look at an example of a bonafide license application from the wonderful town of Hicksville. Actually it's not a town technically when it is only comprised of one shack, but I'll leave the important decisions up to the smart people.


Oh oh! Looks like the town of Hicksville has a stick up it's ass. City officials, who have apparently been living in the past, discovered that their license application just didn't request quite enough information (yeah, "smart" people strike again). I think the problem from the looks of it was that the application was not requesting enough correct information considering the demographic.

With so many licensure scams developing in places like Maryland where licensing practices have been lax, criminals and undocumented illegal immigrants were showing up by the truck loads from neighboring states to acquire a driver's license fraudulently, often using fake addresses and phone numbers to get one.

Getting wind of the most recently discovered licensing fraud, Hicksville DMV officials all across the U.S. have cracked down in a nationwide effort to tighten rules on how states issue driver's licenses, and knowing that having a lack of enough requested info on their applications prompted them to change the applications accordingly.

I’m pretty sure you’re rolling your eyes at this point too. If you end up with one of these applications and find yourself offended by it, welcome to Hicksville. You can visit your local DMV and stand in line another three to four hours to exchange your license application for a new one. But it will probably be just like the one you had to begin with.

Type-A personalities and felons take note!

Last name: _________________
First name:
(Check appropriate box)
[_] Billy-Bob [_] Bobby-Sue
[_] Billy-Joe [_] Bobby-Jo
[_] Billy-Ray [_] Bobby-Ann
[_] Billy-Sue [_] Bobby-Lee
[_] Billy-Mae [_] Bobby-Ellen
[_] Billy-Jack [_] Bobby-Beth Ann Sue

Age: ______ (if unsure, guess)

Sex: _____M_____F_____Not sure

Shoe Size: _____Left_____Right

Occupation:
[_] Farmer [_] Mechanic
[_] Hair Dresser [_] Waitress
[_] Unemployed [_] Dirty Politician

Spouse's Name_________________________
2nd Spouse's Name: _________________
3rd Spouse's Name: _________________

Lover's Name: ________________________
2nd Lover's Name: ___________________

Relationship to spouse:
[_] Sister [_] Aunt
[_] Brother [_] Uncle
[_] Mother [_] Son
[_] Father [_] Daughter
[_] Cousin [_] Pet

Number of children living in household: _____
Number of children living in shed: _____
Number that are yours: _____
Number that have been fathered by the same person: _____

Mother's Name: ___________________
Father's Name: ___________________ (If not sure, leave blank)

Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)

Do you [_] own or [_] rent your mobile home?
___ Total number of vehicles that you own
___ Number of vehicles that still crank
___ Number of vehicles in front yard
___ Number of vehicles in back yard
___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks

Where your firearms are kept:
[_] truck [_] kitchen
[_] bedroom [_] bathroom
[_] shed

Model and year of your pickup: _______ 194_

Do you have a gun rack?
[_] Yes [_] No; if no, please explain:
_____________________

Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
[_] National Enquirer [_] The Globe
[_] TV Guide [_] Soap Opera Digest
[_] Rifle and Shotgun

___ Number of times you've seen a UFO
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO
___ Number of times you've crossed the US border in a UFO

How often do you bathe:
[_] Weekly
[_] Monthly
[_] Not applicable

Color of teeth:
[_] Yellow [_] Brownish-Yellow
[_] Brown [_] Black
[_] N/A
How many?_____

Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:
[_] Red-Man [_] Red-Man [_] Red-Man [_] Skoal

How far is your home from a paved road?
[_] 200-400 miles
[_] over 400 miles
[_] what's a miles?

Country of National Origin (where were you born)?
[_] USA
[_] Other

Seem familiar? Yep, you live in Hicksville. Good luck with that.