This is Halloween

I don't know what your plans are for Halloween this year. But I plan on dressing up just like I normally do for everyday life. And if that doesn't scare this shit out of you, then dressing up as something called a "Hannah Montana", a.k.a. "The Miley Cyrus Monster" (a monster unequaled in scariness - see infographic on FEAR below) is pretty damn scary if you ask me. But you didn't ask me, however, I'ma let you know anyway...because I care.

Other Halloween costume ideas this year include finding shit lying around your house to wear, like a wig, black tank top and the red bandana made famous by 24-year-old Antoine Dodson who became a YouTube viral sensation after he chased a would-be rapist out of his home. If you feel like spending the money for those things that you probably already have, then "The Bed Intruder", a.k.a. "The Antoine Dodson Costume", is dollars to doughnuts the best Halloween gag costume I've seen so far.

A similar costume was produced earlier this season called the "Bedroom Superhero Costume Kit", which was the latest, and unauthorized, attempt to capitalize on Dodson’s fame. Vying for profits should have landed the makers in court over a lawsuit..no, the "Law Suit" is not a Halloween costume, yet. Doubtful that this will ever go to court, it's also doubtful that if you chose this costume that you will be showing any originality as there will probably be twenty other dudes wearing the same thing.

Since we're on the topics of lawsuits and Halloween, I'm surprised the inventors of Halloween haven't sued for copyright/trademark infringement over their holiday. I mean, witches/pagans/neopagans/ghosts/vampires/werewolves/other scary monsters would probably win millions, really. Here's documentation that proves my point.



[Via: The Douchebag Infographics Team]


As a kid after Trick-or-Treating I was always excited to see if I could find candy that had been tampered with. That way I could be the one to turn them in to the police. But I sadly never had the chance. Mostly because it was urban myth.

In reality, the idea of tainted candy from a stranger may have started with a 1964 incident involving a New York homemaker named Helen Pfeil. Irritated at the idea of handing out free candy to older kids, Pfeil gave out packages of steel wool pads, dog biscuits and poison ant buttons. Although she made it clear that her "goodies" were inedible, Pfeil was charged with endangering children. And so subsequent generations of people believe the urban myth. So we should sue them..or maybe we should sue the makers of this infographic...or maybe we should sue...someone.

OHHHH, I'm sooo confused now!

With all the monsters, ghouls, and creepies it goes without saying that Halloween for some is a scary experience. They don't know how to cope with the fear of being confronted with children dressed like monsters, banging on their doors on Halloween night, demanding sugary confections.

Poor saps are probably afraid of the dark, and afraid of their own shadows. If they only knew that the only thing they had to fear was fear itself, then maybe they wouldn't have to change their shorts every single time the doorbell rings on Halloween night. I think a load in someone's pants is almost as scary as the Miley Cyrus monster. For those of you that are phobic, here are some tips about fear that might help you recognize and manage your psychological distress.



[Via: Another Douchebag Infographic Team]


And now I have some preparing to do. I'm off to get an early start on Trick-or-Treating. I'm sure my neighbors will love me banging on their door at three o'clock this morning exclaiming, "Hey! It's officially Halloween. Gimme some damn candy, bitches!" Of course, I'll be wearing my Bed Intruder costume and distributing my own brand of psychological distress, people will think I'm either trying to rob them or rape them and they'll call the police. So hide yo kids, hide yo wife, and hide yo husband cuz they're rapin errbody out here.

Have a Happy and Safe Halloween!