Legalize Comedy

"...unless you're making fun of me..then that's illegal." - Elon Musk

DERPY DARPA

I'm a by-product of plant-eating robots and mechanical elephants. k

 5/7 do not recommend.

✓ 8 weird DARPA projects that make science fiction seem like real life.

Totally not creepy, at all. But with a $3.5 billion budget ANNUALLY, anyone can say that unicorns exist.

Will Smith Getting Jiggy with It

BREAKING: Coronavirus Contagious: If Only Someone Had Warned the President

Whatever

Whatever helps you sleep at night.

Stable Genius

SALTY TODAY

The Struggle is Real

Go Ahead, Meme Me

| Nov. 20, 2014

"1,478,954,217,389 allegations of rape? Have another pudding pop. Zipzopzubittybop!" - Bill Cosby

(sources: childhood ruined -- *sobs uncontrollably)

Boss Hogg Desperately Seeking Sugar Baby

| Nov. 14, 2014

Recently Georgia State University ranked at the top of the list of 20 colleges with the highest number of sugar babies. For those unfamiliar with the practice, a sugar baby is a young person who provides companionship to an older sugar daddy (or mommy) in exchange for money and gifts. The babies and sugar daddies meet on dating sites that cater to gold-diggers and chicks with daddy issues looking for generous, but perverted older men who want young women.

Hazzard County big wig, Boss Hogg, is no exception. Sugar daddies, like Boss Hogg, know college babies have financial needs, including student loans and tuition to pay off. So when all other means of earning income are exhausted, becoming a sugar baby doesn't seem so bad for a 20-year-old girl trying to pay her way through college and have extra money for partying, spray tans and clothes. Sugar babies are desperate and willing to do anything for cash, and the sugar daddies are either married or single and desperate for companionship.

In Memoriam of Jollybags

| Nov. 16, 2014

Dear whomever left a used condom at the end of my driveway,

Please quit leaving your discarded prophylactics lying around for others to see, or possibly have to pickup. It was basically lying in the street, but still. You are disgusting. Did you drop it there because you wanted to leave behind some kind of proof of your conquest? That's an odd thing to do unless you meant it as a message for someone. If I am that someone, well then, I am not sure I understand the message.

Mayan Death Toad Destroys World Today

Friday December 21, 2012 (Krapsody) — In case you didn't get the memo: The world is coming to an end! Over two thousand bazillion years ago the Mayans predicted a giant death toad was going to appear in the sky, it will eat the sun and rays will shoot out of it's eyes destroying the universe as we know it.

Now I know some people are going to want to lick it, but the Mayan Death Toad won't have it. This is no time for last minute wishes or regrets. Too late. There's no escape. Just ask people in time zones ahead of us, like in China or Australia. But you can't because they're all gone! If you have been told that China and all it's people are still there, you're wrong! The cunning Mayan Death Toad knows how to trick people. It's had over two thousand bazillion years to prepare for this moment!

What up with Sarah Palin's "Shuck n' Jive" comment?

Just days prior to Obama's reelection, Ms. Palin made a statement on her Facebook page with some offhand remark about Obama and her opinions about his handling of the Benghazi attack, referring to his administration's response as a "Shuck and Jive shtick." Her opponents have been wondering what she meant by that comment. Was her statement racist, or was it taken out of context? Krapsody tracked her down to find out.

Palin, down wit de jive.

"'Sup, dudes! Mah' dojigger be Sarah Palin and I'm waaay down wid de JIVE rap, suckas. Duzn't assume dat plum a'cuz ah' used some phrase about Obama usin' 'SHUCK N' JIVE' means ah' am some kinda racist or sumtin'."

Gilligan Does It Again

It's a redneck's wet dream y'all! DERP!!

LINK

The guy giving hand signals must have shit himself somethin' fierce. I can just imagine the driver and the Hand Signal Guy giving each other looks while they are airborne...

Driver: "What do I do, Haws?"

Hand Signal Guy: "Bail, goddammit!"

If the Hand Signal Guy had just worn a sockpuppet on his hand then this accident might have been prevented... (Read more >>>>>)

A Super Bowl Sneak Peek

So, what will you be doing during Madonna's Super Bowl halftime show?

Middle-Aged Loser Laments Over Toe Story

Kickapoo, IL – In this tale a cowboy toe is profoundly threatened and jealous when a fancy spaceman toe supplants him as top toe in an ordinary living room redecorating moment. 1) Cowboy toe pulls strings. 2) Heavy wooden door falls from sky flattening fancy spaceman toe for good. Remember, in this movie no toe gets left behind!

Dawayne Biggins recalls the catastrophe in vivid detail, "This was no ordinary god-smack folks, I done got bitch slapped by the man upstairs. And it went a little bit like this: 'Me: I've been effing 'round with this thing for way too long now, but I'm ALMOST done! God: BOOM! You're done. Me: I think I'll take a break now.'"

Cogito, Ergo Confundo - I Think, Therefore I am Confused

with
Krapsody.com Reporter Dubious Monk
Inside Tropical Storm Irene



NEWSFLASH! Everything in New England shut down as Irene was downgraded from a hurricane to a tropical storm. As the storm was overhead, I scurried down to the hurricane barriers in Providence, RI to catch the action but there was none to be found.

I Can't Get No

Sometimes you can't....
Get Satisfaction FAIL (click pic to enlarge)

Want more background on this post? Click Here

5 Tips For Losing Weight Fast

Summer is finally here. And I have some handy tips compiled in a short list for losing that winter weight fast. Five to be exact - not ten or twenty - that is so 2005. At any rate, after months of being stored under the stairwell, I got out the bike, lubed it up, and checked all the linkages. Gears shifting smoothly, check. Brakes, check. Proper tire pressure, check. I'll take it out for a test spin. Just peddle around a couple miles. No problem. It'll be good exercise.

I carefully carry the bike out through the front door and out onto the porch. I lock up, suit up, and I'm off down the street. I am pedaling away like a 10-year-old with boundless energy. Thrusting my right foot in front of my left as if I am floating on air. Oh, yeah, this is easy. Seven months since I've ridden and I am like a god on wheels.

Weiner Means Winner in Warlock Speak

Come now, your wiener is not that big.

Thur. June 2, 2011

Weinerville, NY (Krapsody) - Rep. Anthony Weiner is in the hot seat this week over a sexually suggestive photo he allegedly sent to a 21-year old female student in Seattle who is one of his 54,000 followers on Twitter. Weiner has not stated that the crotch in the picture was somebody else’s. So whose could it be? There will be no juvenile dick jokes or double entendres here. Quite frankly, it was mine and here's proof.