Pantless Trouble in Utah

Mon Oct. 27, 2008

Salt Lake City, Utah (Krapsody) - A woman was escorted from a TRAX train Monday morning after fellow riders reported that she was not wearing any pants. Yes, not wearing any pants.

Around 7:30 a.m., Utah Transit Authority officers bum rushed the woman and escorted her off the train. They proceeded with interrogating her inside a musty janitor closet on a small, uncomfortable wooden chair under a bright lamp at the 5400 South station in Midellanowhere, Utah.

After the officers argued over who was going to play out "good cop, bad cop" and finally "sauntering cop, shimmying cop" roles with the "nekkid" woman, they suddenly realized she was in fact wearing a miniskirt. Her coat was covering the skirt, leading fellow riders to stare at, and their evil gossiping wives to believe she was not wearing anything beneath her waist, said UTA spokesman Harry Ballsack-Slapper (who is a Mormon and has thirteen wives).

After the retarded Nazis interviewed the woman and realized their error, they let her get back on the train and continue her ride, with some psychological scarring and a little less dignity than when she started her trip perhaps.

The moral of the story is to make sure that your fellow passengers don't decide that you aren't wearing pants, even though you are. So maybe you shouldn't wear any just in case you get pulled from a train in Utah. Just be sure to wear a coat that covers that miniskirt you're wearing, because if you were really naked that would be wrong... and disturbing.

Since hardly anything newsworthy happens in Utah other than the usual polygamist prosecution cases, people getting thrown from trains and re-enactments of the Mountain Meadows Massacre of Sept. 11th, 1857, here is an unrelated story; On Thursday, a fire gutted the Salt Lake City, Utah library causing $6.95 worth of damage . . . It could have been worse but someone had the coloring book checked out.

Story taken from The Salt Lake Tribune article, 10/27/08

Krapsody's Nottie of the Week™!

You may have already heard of the Hottie of the Week memes many blogs and other websites publish.

But not until now has the internet had the Nottie of the Week™!

That's right, it's a new meme I just created. It's officially trademarked now, and Krapsody has it's own personals and internet dating forum, Krapspot Personals right here at Krapsody - where you can meet a stalker meant for you.

So tune in each week to see the ugliest, most disgusting mugs to grace the pages of anything, anywhere on the planet. Maybe you can meet your match. Only here at Krapsody folks. This should be a perfect Halloween scare!


The first inclusion:

Anita Mann looks like she is just a bundle of joy. And quite fit for a bucket of turkey vomit. Maybe these ads are normally charged by the word, but I think that "Vile, repulsive, single, with eyes-so-large-and-fish like-and-abnormally-spread-apart-that-sheep-dog-bangs-a-moustache-and-a-cigarette-couldn't-conceal-her-identity..." would be a much more accurate description. Seriously? An Ewok king someplace is gonna be pissed when he finds out that his daughter is peddling herself.

Here' another fantastic idea. Join a free internet dating site, like OkCupid.com and create a fake profile.

Be creative, submit a fake picture of the ugliest person alive (or close enuff) snatched from anywhere on the net, create a set of bogus interests and details about "yourself" and then eventually send me the link. I'll take a screen shot and post it here for a Nottie of the Week™ showcase. This should bring about the ultimate lulz, especially if you get responses. Our fiasco could also possibly bring the end to internet dating.

Be an internet meme for Halloween and out-nerd your friends... I'll be posting up my fake profile soon. =D

Zoo Trainer Loses Keys Inside Elephant

Tues Oct. 18, 2008

Monaco, France (Krapsody) - On Saturday at the Monaco Zoo, Alois Schieklgrüber, one of the most famous elephant trainers in Europe, lost his keys to the animal cages inside an elephant. It was a master set, making the situation all the more urgent. An emergency extraction had to be performed. The elephant, Penelope, is said to be out of harms way and is doing well. It is reported that the keys could have caused a "bowel problem", requiring an unconventional method of removal.

Krapcipe: Spam Skillet Casserole - Broil until golden

* Exported from MasterSlop (a subsidy of Krap Imports)*

SPAM SKILLET CASSEROLE RECIPE by Sir Static of Krapsody - Decimator of Spammers

Recipe By : The Robot Defeating, Cannibalistic Tribes of Papua New Guinea

Serving Size : 6 Preparation Time 24:00:01

Categories : Casseroles Main dish

Ingredients and Preparation Method
------------------------------------------------------
1 entire SPAMMER (130-365 lbs), de-boned, and cubed
2 Baking potatoes, cut into-1/8″ slices
1 c Thinly sliced carrots
1 c Thinly sliced onions
1/2 c Thinly sliced celery
2 Garlic cloves, minced
2 tb Flour
1 t Coarsely ground pepper
3/4 t Dried whole thyme
1 cn No-salt-added green beans-drained (16 oz)
1 cn No-salt-added whole-tomatoes, drained and-chopped (16 oz)
1 cn No-salt-added vegetable-juice cocktail (5 1/2 oz)
Butter-flavor vegetable-cooking spray

Cook potatoes in boiling water 3 minutes or until crisp-tender. Drain. In industrial sized skillet, cook SPAMMER until browned; remove from skillet. Add carrots to skillet and saute 4-5 minutes, stirring frequently. Add onion, celery, and garlic; saute until vegetables are tender. Combine flour, pepper, and thyme. Stir flour mixture into vegetable mixture; cook 1 minute, stirring constantly. Add browned SPAM, green beans, tomato, and vegetable juice cocktail. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer 5 minutes, stirring occasionally. Remove skillet from heat; arrange potato slices over SPAM mixture to cover completely. Spray potato slices with vegetable cooking spray (or 1/2 gallon of the spammers lard or if unavailable 1 quart imported Iraqi petroleum oil will do). Broil 6″ from heat source *1,426 minutes and 1 second* or until golden. Garnish with the following: scalped hair, toe/fingernails, clothing and shoes.

ENJOY (teh lulz)!

Keanu Reeves Gets Even With Paparazzo

Fri Oct. 10, 2008

Hollywood, CA (Krapsody) - Keanu Reeves ran over a photographer yesterday afternoon with his Porsche. The photographer, Sal Saliva, has survived and is suing Mr. Reeves, the star of Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure and Letting Go.

Reeves shown here, gained a few
pounds for future role as a sumo wrestler.

Saliva has filed a lawsuit against Reeves, for allegedly running him over. Saliva claims his face is mangled and his entire body was shattered, including his pelvis and his arms.

However, the hospital that attended Saliva, stated he was treated for a broken pinky toe and some minor cuts and bruises, then released later that evening.

Saliva also filed a motion to prohibit Reeves' camp from referring to him in future proceedings as a paparazzo or member of the paparazzi.

Saliva argues, such terminology could cast him in a negative light with the jury, citing in part the blame placed on paparazzi for the death of Princess Diana. Even though Saliva has been fingered, and additionally pointed at as one of the responsible parties in her death, the finger has since been washed, thoroughly.

Saliva, mad as hell.Saliva stated he would prefer to be called a "reporter," "celebrity photographer" or "photojournalist," and wants restitution in the amount of $100 billion U.S. dollars for the accident, and for being called a "Scumbag Paparazzo", according to the filing.

"Reeves broke my ass, and hurt my feelings, adding insult to injury, dammit. I demand compensation!", Saliva said.
"But, at least he didn't sit on me. Have you seen how fat he is now?", he quipped.

The motion left Reeves' camp wondering, "What about all the times Saliva referred to himself as a paparazzo, or a piss gargling arse-wipe?"

Reeves camp was further quoted as saying, "How politically correct do we need to be here, people? When do we dispense with calling a feathered mammal, simply, a duck; cease calling a liar, a politician; and refrain from referring to highway robbers as stockbrokers?"

"This is outrageous," Reeves camp added, "and we shall simply refer to Saliva as The Scumbag Paparazzo Keanu Reeves Should Have Backed Up and Run Over a Third Time, from now on."

Reeves' motion states, that Saliva certainly won't be covering any serious news (lame insider gossip and fake stories) or shooting anyone's portrait (standing in their bushes taking pictures of them in the shower) in the near future. Rather, he'll be "learning how to walk again, taking morphine doses until he passes out/nearly overdoses, putting together jigsaw puzzles, emptying his colostomy bag daily, continuing to take up space and breathe air, and of course, drooling incessantly -- things he did before the accident anyway. So why should we refer to him in any other manner."

The unexpected twist: Saliva's MySpace page is listed as belonging to "The Scumbag Keanu Reeves Should Have Backed Up and Run Over A Third Time."

Reeves has denied any wrongdoing, saying that Saliva tripped over his own feet, and fell under his car while attempting to jump onto the hood to capture a candid shot. Keanu stated, "Woah dudes, I didn't want to slow down. In fact, if I remember correctly, I think I accelerated when I saw him fall."

Story taken from eonline.com article, 10/10/2008