Blow Up Church Full of Hot Air

Thursday August 07, 2008
Article credit: Reuters
ROME - A 30-meter-long blow-up church will be erected on an italian beach near the Adriatic coast. Desperate catholic priests and nuns are following their flock to the the beach and are ready to take confessions, souls need to be saved and the church needs donations.

The question is what kind of confessions are they expecting from beachgoers?

"Forgive me father for I have sinned. I had intimate relations with an inflatable raft/surfboard/jellyfish (insert other inanimate object here for shock value).

OR; Swimsuits don’t look like they’re made anymore—they look like they’re grown in a petri dish. So it may be more like, "Forgive me father. I am wearing a most revealing outfit so that other beachgoers can see my naughty bits and this excites me."

I have to know will the blow-up church have an inflatable organ that can be operated by an organ player adept enough to play spiritual church music without popping the instrument? Will these churches have air conditioning? Will there be pews?
Are the priests and nuns going to wear their black colored, fully garbed habits to the beaches? My gawd, I think they may suffer heatstroke! It will be a complete nightmare of catholic guilt!

I can now clearly see that this bright idea will ultimately...




This reminds me of a joke.

A salesman from KFC walked up to the Pope and offers him a million dollars if he would change "The Lord's Prayer" from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken." The Pope refused his offer.

Two weeks later, the man offered the pope 10 million dollars to change it from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken" and again the Pope refused the man's generous offer. Another week later, the man offered the Pope 20 million dollars and finally the Pope accepted.

The following day, the Pope said to all his officials, "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is, that we have just received a check for 20 million dollars. The bad news is, we lost the Wonder Bread account!"

Internets LOL!

Crabs Only Itch When You're Angry... like a clown

While The Angry Dolphin peeps on Slave crabs slaving away in the evil crab slave volcano, I had a wild thought and a wild moment with my clown.

So on this particular evening when I was alone and playing with my clown, suddenly I heard a knock at the door. I cleaned up quickly, quicker than I ever had before and hurried to see who was there. Why it was my good friends Buffy, Willow, and their friend Riley, and their friends friends Anya, Xander and Giles!

Separated at birth?

We're all different, right? I beg to differ. Just take one look around the celebrity landscape and you'll see what I mean. Well praise be - many a celebrity has got a doppelganger! Let's have a look at some of the top contenders for whom may have been separated from whom at birth in some sort of cruel science experiment.


Adam Sandler & Jason Biggs

Why they look like they could almost be twins don't they? I wouldn't be a bit surprised if Jason Biggs hasn't punched Bob Barker once or twice in his career. Similarly, I also wouldn't be surprised to hear that Adam Sandler had glued his hand to his genitals. Keep your hands where we can see 'em guys.



Joey Ramone & Howard Stern

What can I say here. They are both hideously ugly and are dead ringers for each other (no pun Joey). And I think Howard could use some 'Psychotherapy' in addition to a serious face makeover, he truly has a face meant for radio.



Dennis Leary & Willem Dafoe

Another pair unequaled in ugliness. Both share the same gap in their front teeth. Maybe David Letterman is their father. And only one hella-ugly mother could give birth to these two and this much ugliness, right? That is why they have to be related.


Bono & Robin Williams

They are both short and hairy like russian bear. They are also both very rich (ok, overpaid) celebrities. They seem to be united on human rights issues. And I believe they are both from the planet Ork. Totally separated at birth. In fact I think they were conjoined twins, they shared the same ass.


Cameron Diaz & Helena Christensen

One's a b-movie actress and the other is a fashion model. Also conjoined twins. They shared the same brain and currently share custody of one frontal lobe. 'Nuff said?


Elijah Wood & Daniel Radcliffe

These two have fantasy movies in common. They also have hairy hobbit feet. And share a hairy hobbit foot fetish porn site. It's true, look it up. Google, do you use it?!


Zach Braff & Ray Romano

Zach is like a younger version of Ray, or Ray is just an older version of Zach. Yeah? They both have similar personalities also. Very... bland. Also very dry, like a popcorn fart in the desert.


Actress Thora Birch and River Cottage's Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall

My gawd. The existence of such exact duplicates has caused the entire universe to come to a halt. Why? How can this be?! Thora is hawt, but Hugh not so much. Makes you wonder if somebody peed or took a huge dump in the gene pool, doesn't it?


Jacko & Jack White

Jack and Jacko. I can't tell the difference here. Can someone tell me who is who?


Shrek & Patrick Stewart

I think Shrek looks much more like BB King. However, MyHeritage.com would disagree.


Kung Fu Panda Celebrity Look-alikes

Can't be bothered to name names here. Judge for yourself. But, Po the Panda is one of the laziest animals in all of the Valley of Peace. And his look-alikes probably are too. Except for the Dalai Lama, don't be dissing the Lama.


Washington Wizards forward Caron Butler
& the Creature from the Black Lagoon

I'm scared. Seriously, another sequel to Creature From The Black Lagoon could be made with Butler sans makeup and no one would be the wiser.


Lion-o & Carrot Top

The resemblance OVERALL in this last one is uncanny isn't it? Thundercats HO!


UPDATE!

Celebrity doppelganger insiders have brought this one to my attention...

Senator and presidential hopeful candidate John McCain & Bugs Bunny nemesis Elmer Fudd

HOLY CWAP! Spitting images of one another. "Shhhhhhhh, be vewwwy, vewwwy quiet; I'm hunting wabbits on Kwapsody, huhuhuhuhuh!"

Click here for Kill the Wabbit song.

The question is should he change his name to John McFudd, Elmer McCain, Elmo McFain or Johmer McCudd? Come up with a few of your own names for him in your comments please.

09/02/09 UPDATE!

Since I was reminded of this post by an Anonymous commenter a couple weeks ago, I remembered a pair of celebrity lookalikes that not only lookalike in real life, BUT the characters they've portrayed in unrelated projects are so alike it's UNCANNY!!!!

Case in point:

Jeff Daniels and his character Harry Dunne, the dog groomer; Lloyd's roommate; quite possibly the dumber half in "Dumb And Dumber"



Dave Coulier and his character Joey Gladstone, the buffoon; the couch surfer; the comic relief; the doofy guy who always tried to talk like Bullwinkle to Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen on the TV series "Full House"



And let's not forget this pair of EXACT LOOKALIKES...



Donatella Versace and Kermit The Frog


WHAT DID I TELL YA...EXACT LOOKALIKES, RIGHT??!!!!

The Cheese Crusades

Somehow I found myself in the middle of a war on the internet. I'm not quite sure how it happened as I was pleasantly minding my own business. It was a day like any other, only it was the kind of day where the birds were swimming in the ocean and the fish were flying in the sky. So I knew something was amiss.

Ask Static: Part Duh

Static,

Do you really look like that? Is that your hair? My what big eyes you have, are they yours? By the looks of your avatar you seem like you need medication... Well, do you? (etc. etc. ad infinitum)

Since I became a member of the BlogCatalog community, many users at have been asking me if my avatar is truly a picture of me.

Although I can only aspire to be as handsome, as charming, and as enthusiastic looking as that fine fellow is, I cannot take complete credit for it. The image in my avatar is in fact, the one and only, Arsenio Hall. My avatar is from a film clip that he had a brief appearance in which is called 'Amazon Women on the Moon', a 1987 film written by comedy duo Michael Barrie and Jim Mulholland.