5 Reasons Jean Claude Van Damme's Mullet is the Greatest Actor in the History of Cinema

| Dec. 11, 2014

Let's just get this straight. Forget his flexibility, Van Damme had THE best mullet ever. His mullet might be the only time a mullet has been successfully pulled off in the history of cinema. Look at Hard Target. Why, if it weren't for Van Damme's mullet the film would have no action appeal whatsoever (just like this clip from the director's cut). It would be the same old boring blah blah whatever movie that would be forgotten minutes after seeing it. It would have been a literal snoozefest. Let's face it, his mullet carried that film.

Halloween Countdown: 14 Days : Devil's Rejects

Two weeks to Halloween and I haven't found the ultimate movie or meme to rate. But I'm getting closer with this edition.

The last movie I reviewed, that's an epic. It's just dandy. Now, I want you to make two carbon copies of it and throw the original away. And when you get through with that, throw the carbon copies away. Just read on for more disposable entertainment.

If you've seen Rob Zombie's House of 1,000 Corpses then you've probably seen the sequel, Devil's Rejects. But if you haven't, then you're missing out on some fine family entertainment.

It doesn't really warrant a plot summary. But it does deserve some explanation. It's possibly one of the most indulgent horror movies you'll ever see. Over-the-top comedy and depravity at it's finest.

Nothing's better than an entire family of serial killers than a movie about an entire family of serial killers to get you in the mood for Halloween. And this by far has to be the best clip from that movie.

No. no. no..got it all wrong. The poor bastard just wanted some fried chicken, not to be ridiculed for the preparation and secret ingredient. It's CHICKEN PLUCKER. Not CHICKEN FUCKER. It's an auditory anomaly. Your ears are playing tricks on you.

Harland Sanders, a prominent chicken-fucker who heads a watchdog group that monitors the portrayal of chicken-fuckers in the media, is "not at all amused" by this clip, which gives you even more reason to see both of these celluloid offenses.

"Chicken-fuckers have feelings, too," he says. Mr. Sanders asserts that the explosion of chicken-fucking jokes on late-night TV and on the Internet are "insensitive and hurtful."

"Once again, we chicken-fuckers are being stereotyped and belittled," he said. "We need to get the message out that the act of love between a man and a chicken, when consensual, is a beautiful thing."

Sooo...keep pluckin' those chickens and rent, borrow, or steal Devil's Rejects.



Halloween Countdown

Halloween Countdown: 15 Days: Braindead

The Halloween Countdown continues! Few movies are so horrible that you would rather rub icy hot on your genitals than watch a movie like this. TWICE.

Movies like Braindead are exactly that. It's badly edited, shot and acted, the score sucks, the humor is tacky. For a horror spoof, it fails. In a nutshell, it seems like I wrote it.

But no, I didn't. Relieved? This gem was courtesy of Peter Jackson, before he did Lord of the Rings. Yep. Just proves you have to make a few turds before you make a highly polished...turd.

What's this movie about, you ask?
It's about a wimpy guy, Lionel, and his overbearing mother. Lionel finally gets the balls to go out on a date, but his momma can't help but escort the two to the zoo.

Lionel's mom gets bitten at the zoo by a Sumatran rat-monkey and then she turns into a zombie and then turns other sniveling shit puppets into zombies. Bloody gore-fest ensues ending with the loss of life (undead) and limb by lawnmower. It's quite original.

With taglines like:
Some things won't stay down... even after they die.
There's something nasty in Lionel's cellar - His family!
You'll laugh yourself sick!
Prepare for complete mental shutdown...

They weren't kidding.

One of few redeeming moments in this glass bottom boat is the baby scene



I have to confess, that was pretty funny. The only thing that could have made the scenes where Lionel is giving the zombie baby a proper beating MORE shocking, was if the zombie baby "suicide bombed" a daycare center...hypothetically speaking of course.

If you want your Halloween to be Happy, don't rent this, unless TORTURE (such as waterboarding) is your thing.

I give this heap two thumbs down and a middle finger up.



Halloween Countdown

Halloween Countdown: 16 Days: Count Wussula

I’ve read Bram Stoker's Dracula before, but it has been probably ten or fifteen years so I don’t remember it in it's entirety.

I do remember my reaction was like "HELL TO THE YEAH!" NOT disappointed due to the fact he’s not quite the sophisticated pop culture pansy-ass Dracula we all know and love so much. He was more of a real monster. That's what a vampire should be.

But now, post-Twilight, I’m EVEN more on board with the monster thing. I like my vampires to be more menacing, less sparkly...certainly less like a wussy than Warhol's Dracula AND just as gory.

I am referring to Blood For Dracula, 94 minutes of pure shit.
But it's the best campy art film pile of shit you'll ever feast your eyes upon. I can only assume that Warhol meant for it to be a cheesy satire splattered with buckets of blood. That's why I have a love-hate relationship with this movie.

What footage doesn't bore you to death, kills you with laughter. The first hour which doesn't seem shocking at first, finally comes through and could stimulate the autonomic nervous system of even the most catatonic of vegetables. The last half-hour or so of this film surely would have euthanized Terri Schiavo and made Charles Manson shit his pants.

Now, despite everything I've said, one thing's for sure, Blood For Dracula is still a pretty interesting film, just on the principles that it is so different then what you would expect from a typical Dracula movie.

Gone is the suave vampire that seduces his prey. Here we have a very sickly vampire who relies on his servant for survival; he whines a lot; can only drink the blood of virgins lest he become violently ill, which he does quite often...it appears that virgins are not that easy to come by.

Well no shit, Dumb-ula!
Not only does virgin blood taste better, but it contains all the healthy vitamins and nutrients a thirsty vampire needs...but virgins are scarce these days, thank GAWD. Sluts are/should be just as nutritious as their puritan opposites.

The one thing that saves this film from me giving it a total S&P Steamer rating is the gore. Vomiting blood, mutilation, severing of limbs, and graphic sex scenes all gave the original uncut film an X-rating in 1974.

As stiff as the acting is at times, Udo Kier does a great job in this role. He's believable as a pathetic blood-sucking creature of the night.

Kier vaguely reminds you of Frankenstein's Igor, but he's a blood-soaked bat fuck insane Igor that makes Edward Cullen look like a choir boy dressed up like Little Boy Blue, and makes Nosferatu look like Colonel Klink wearing rubber Spock ears and candy corn fangs.

Kier generally plays a hard-ass in most of his roles and he could have certainly pulled that off in this flick, but he's so much better like this:


LINK



LINK



LINK


and the best line from any movie in the history of film EVAR is



LINK



Rent it today. You won't be totally disappointed.



Halloween Countdown

Halloween Countdown: 17 Days: Zombie Kid

With Halloween right around the corner, it begs the question, do insomniac zombies count dead sheep?


Nope, but they do like turtles!

How The Sci Fi Channel Became a Venereal Disease

SyFy (n.)

1. Slang for syphilis, a venereal disease.

2. Name of a TV network that shows imagination-based programming to go with their illusionary ratings. Failing after a re-branding press release insulted its core audience.

3. New phonetic spelling for the Sci Fi channel. This is so people texting about their favorite programs on the channel will not have to unnecessarily overtax their brains or thumbs.

How does that happen you ask? Because the greatest network on cable, The Sci Fi Channel (reknown for their quality original films) has changed their abbreviated nickname to SyFy...a term associated with syphilis.

My Chat Session With "Steve"

I recently picked up a Palm Pre from some shlep on Craigslist. I am hopeful they aren't an eStalker, or a serial killer...actually I do, simply because I'd like to take them out. I enjoy raping and strangling serial killers (more than I do clowns, but sometimes it's a real bonus when they are both). So anyhow, as luck would have it, the damn thing has had connectivity issues (they can be resolved), but I needed "technical support" at Palm to help me get it resolved. Anyway, here's that conversation.

Short Term Meme-ory

In some kind of weird game of "you're it", I've been tagged. It's true. In the spirit of blogging and internet memes, I'd completely forgotten for many months now that I was bestowed with more awards for my handiwork as a blogger than I could shake a sharp pointy stick at.

It's easy to forget things like this when you have near absolute chaos going on in your life, and when said sharp pointy stick has pierced your brain's left frontal lobe because you've tripped over everything in your path.

I'm such a klutz. Good thing I didn't run with the scissors on this occasion.

But gosh, so much has happened in the last six months, such as...


well, sitting around in my underwear all day eating Cheese Doodles and thinking up stupid stuff to write about.

While it does appear that I must -- as one person has said -- "sit around in [my] underwear all day eating Cheese Doodles and thinking up stupid [stuff]" -- they were, in fact, correct. How else would I come up with this stupid stuff to write about?

It's a difficult job, and I need lots of brain food (which is where the Cheese Doodles come in.)

Of course when it comes to writing so much stupid stuff, I must inform that it's an ongoing effort, and quite demanding as you could imagine. IMAGINE IT, I say.

I'll give you a moment to visualize me sitting and lying around in my underwear eating Cheese Doodles...trying to come up with stupid stuff to write about...

Y'know honestly, coming up with this much stupid stuff in itself does take LOTS of time and dedication. I publish slightly amusing articles I suppose. My collection of "innocuously humorous ruminations on life, love and dumb stuff" could almost be a full-time job in some respects.

But it's not, thank the stars, because I already have a full-time job and I also go to school full-time and I do have to eat, sleep, and practice good personal hygiene at some point in my career as a stupid stuff writer.

So I can't always take the time to write for your reading pleasure, not that I write for your reading pleasure exclusively. Much too busy to try to do that. If I can chuckle about my musings, then I'm sure others would chuckle about it too. Good 'nuff for me.

To be quite honest, I am also unable to follow the guidelines for acceptance of the following awards. But I accept them anyway!

I am all for spreading the love, but I am way too bow-legged and have too much going on to pass these on to another blogger. Frankly, I think there are a lot of great bloggers out there that deserve these awards, so it wouldn't feel fair to give them to just a few of my favorites.

I prefer to drop comments on my favorite blogger's pages when I can. For me, that's how I show I care. Because I care, just like a kid lost in a candy store...mostly.


First and foremost, I rang in the new year with The Helping Hand Award from Survivor at I DON'T GIVE A BLEEP. According to Survivor, I am a sick, sick man and my humor is irreverent and just plan crazy.

I thank you for your comments and the gesture, Survivor.

I shall visit you at your office one day soon, with a box-full of infomercials you could give a bleep about. Then I will proceed to strip naked and run about your office screaming at the top of my lungs that you touched me inappropriately. What better way to thank a fan?



Tamera Daun of Pentad: Simplifying Life and Love, dropped this award on me back in September. Yes!!! that long ago..I feel like an ass. And my ass thanks you too.



I'm not only brilliant according to this award, I'm brillante!
I'd like to thank the academy, Gawd and all my followers (3 in total). And most of all thank you Pentad, for sticking with me through think 'n thin, sickness and health, forever and ever amen.

The rules for this one were also requiring that I pass it on. Once again, apologies. I just have too much to do. But I thank you all the same.


Coincidentally, Chris Upp of The Lost News also dropped the same award on me back in September. So thank you also Chris! I wish I could return the favor, would you like some Cheese Doodles?



Going back to JULY last year (that's July of 2008 for you folks who may have forgotten it is now 2009), Damo at Angry Clown dropped the Arte Y Pico Award on my foot, which left me with a severe limp, but that's okay since I already had a limp - because of my unusually large club foot!

Oh, I am an ass. Truly, I am. Many apologies for the long and overdue thank yous.







Finally, the brilliant and always funny, Lobo over at Predator Press was so kind as to give me The 2008 Absolute Bestest Incomprehensive Awards Ceremony Ever Held By Predator Press in the History of Humanity! Award.



However, he didn't really give it to me, I gave it to myself. Well, he said we were all winners when he handed it out last year, and frankly, I was tired of feeling like I was a loser.

But I do have all these fine write-ups to inflate my ego (which is already quite immense despite my self-deprecating remarks.)

I must not suck all that bad for the recognition I have received from such wonderful folks in the blogosphere. But seeings as I haven't recognized the latest awards until now...I guess this means the long rumored all-expenses-paid trip to Vegas isn't forthcoming.

And I guess this also means I should take it as a sign that my career in show business won't be taking off either. My already-small role in "The Lance Armstrong Story" is being trimmed in favor of more shots of a cancerous testicle. And so I bid you adieu until next time.

Bad Holiday Theme Campaigns

This is a story about the ACCCE's Magical Mystery Carbon Storage Adventure! and their Bad Holiday Campaign to promote "clean coal."

ACCCE in recent years has spread its falsehoods on TV, radio, and in print, often spending millions. In 2008, ACCCE’s clean coal campaign reportedly had $50 million to spend on pro-coal, anti-climate initiatives.

And this is the shit they spent it on.

Static's World Domination Plan: Awards and Merits

As I watched someone trip over a gummy bear and fall, I rubbed my fingers together all giddily and whispered, "Excellent... everything is going as planned as in my... plan... plan B!"

Then I started chuckling, and when I couldn't hold in my perverse joy any longer, I laughed out loud, "Muahahahaha!!!" Plan B has started. I will rule the world and no one is going to stop ME!

kekekeke!
"Hey! Get back to work, what are you doing giggling like a little girl?" -boss.
Oh, right. O_o. *sighs* Damn.

This has been a long time coming. THE KRAPSODY BLOG! - New and improved like botox injections in your arse!(I mean your face) Hey, I am actually popular for once in my life!

Weird isn't it?
It's not like this blog sucks is well written (it is), really funny (it is), written by a genius (it is), or deserves a Nobel Peace Prize (it does).

Enough about me. This is all about the awards and recognition I have received in the past few weeks. So this really is about me after all. Never mind. Let's get on with it, shall we?

__________

The Angry Clown has bestowed me with the Hell Award for Evilness. Edit: Incidentally, I am also a co-author on the site.

According to Angry Clown creator, Damian;

Everyone is making there own awards so i thought i will make one for evilness I haven't seen any around for it and as everybody knows you don't get awarded enough for badness these days, so here it is.
There are only 5 rules you must follow if you win this prize:

1. You have to show the link of the blog/s that awarded you the HELL AWARD.
   
2. You must award this prize to at least 3 other blogs and show there links and names.
3. The award must be linked back to ANGRY CLOWN
4. All awards must be deserved.
5. The rules must be shown with the award.

The names of the thirdysecondlyfirst winning blogs EVAR are...

1. : Qelqoth from The Cult of Qelqoth if anyone deserves the Hell Award it would be TCOQ very funny reading and lots of useful info on gardening!
   
2. : Jeff Mann from Not What It Used To Be an awesomely entertaining newer blog started in June 2008 about Jeff Mann's musings on the krapness of modern life with a dash of rosemary from Qelqoth's garden!
   
3. : Julius Bloop from Julius Bloop - Comedy for Weirdos I've been a long time fan of this comedy randomness blog. And Jolene Bloop is hot!
   
4. : Ms. Orange Derange from Orange Derange Pronunced: ˈo-ren-jē di-ren-jē. It's one of the best blogs about celebrities and general observational humor I've seen around. Ms. Derange is one talented girl (and hot... hot as a HELL AWARD). Check it out.
   

(If your worried about this being a "meme" then you would be right but thats all part of being eviiiillllll)

__________

Additionally, Lord Likely of The Astonishing Adventures of Lord Likely also presented me with an award recently, The Golden Cock of Excellence Award! BEHOLD it's excellence!


Note: not actual size

Many thanks to Lord Likely for even considering this flophouse for such as esteemed honor. If his Lordship and his fandom would care to stop in, I would offer them the best room in the house. The one without all the rats and stained mattresses. So thank you Lord Likely for presenting us your spurting likeness!


__________
And speaking of spurting, Ms. Oranged Deranged made a fantastic video for me! I created the music from some samples that I remixed aeons ago, and she came up with the animation. We plan on doing a version in the very near future that will be even better than this one (if that is possible), so stay tuned for that!

Deconstructing ~Static~ Brainstorming Session #2

WORK IN PROGRESS (WIP)

Deconstructing ~Static~ Brainstorming Session #2, rough draft #2

Original music by ~Static~ http://krapsody.blogspot.com/

produced and animated at ~Static~'s School of Disembodied Poetics, University of Antarctica.


__________
My long time friends Matthias, The Boy David, Sir Paul of The Arnoldover and sometimes Lord Nevets over at The Snot... The UK's Premier Twisted Satire Source (it's all about the hype y'know) dropped me a line recently that The Snot is back once again! If you didn't know already The Snot is a British satirical website that first surfaced in 2001. The site gained notoriety for being offensive and often containing libelous material. One of the sites best loved features were the 'reporters', whose names were spoonerisms. (Google it)



They went offline in 2006 for nearly two years, if I remember correctly (my memory is horrid; especially when I've been huffing kittens). However, in March 2008, it was decided that The Snot should live again, albeit in simplified and slightly toned down form.
And I am honored that they contacted 'lil ol' me to spread the word. So werd up to yo muthas; yo!


__________
And finally, Chelle B of Offended Blogger added me to a new blog community
Humor Bloggers dot com the #1 social community for humor bloggers and the best directory of humor blogs on the net. A collaborative effort between her, Don "It's a Funny Thing" Lewis and Bee of the infamously funny Bee's Musings.



I feel honored to be a part of their site and hope you will pay them a visit and me some respect by hitting my links at least a thousand times this week. Bettah recognize biatches.
I thank you! I thank you all for being so kind, and gentle (be gentle). Insert more gratuitous and surreal compliments here.

~Static

Ask Static: Part Duh

Static,

Do you really look like that? Is that your hair? My what big eyes you have, are they yours? By the looks of your avatar you seem like you need medication... Well, do you? (etc. etc. ad infinitum)

Since I became a member of the BlogCatalog community, many users at have been asking me if my avatar is truly a picture of me.

Although I can only aspire to be as handsome, as charming, and as enthusiastic looking as that fine fellow is, I cannot take complete credit for it. The image in my avatar is in fact, the one and only, Arsenio Hall. My avatar is from a film clip that he had a brief appearance in which is called 'Amazon Women on the Moon', a 1987 film written by comedy duo Michael Barrie and Jim Mulholland.

Krapsody's Latest Reviews

Happy 4th of July weekend to you all! If you are out there enjoying bbq's, fireworks and having a relaxing time more power to you. Have a great time.

However, as for me I've been working and slaving over my blog today.
Yes it's that time folks, time to re-evaluate this pile of krap floating around in cyberspace.

Here's the latest review of Krapsody posted by some freak named Static. The zoo's gotta start being more careful with their animals.

Click on the following image to read the insane review



Hmm, imagine that. All this time I thought I was providing something worthwhile. I guess I've been had folks, I should hang it up and head for the hills. I used to think I had nerves of steel and a mind of lead, a lead balloon that is. All this nitpicking and complaining has made me see the... wait a second. I'm getting real tired of kicking my own ass. Nevermind. See you at the same channel, same place, check your local listings for showtimes.

This is my brain...

Hulk Will Suck Movie Review + Air Freshener Gripe

Even though I haven't officially seen it, and although I am also a fan of Edward Norton's acting, the new Incredible Hulk Movie is sure to suck big green Incredible Hulk ass.

Yep, that's my prediction. How many times can they do Hulk movies? If the CG isn't over the top, the story line is always the same. Meek, mild mannered (perhaps even passive-aggressive) Dr. David Banner gets into a sticky situation because of his nosiness and then he gets beat upon, pissed off and turns into the Hulk, a giant green cretin who then goes on a rampage and destroys everything in sight.

Besides, no one can replace the original David Banner / Lou Ferrigno's team effort on The Incredible Hulk TV series from the 70's. Another Hulk movie just reeks. Nothing will cure that stench, not even the freshest potpourri or sprayable air freshener.

Which leads me to my next gripe...
You know those cans of air freshener aerosol or those plug-ins that are labeled as "Sea Breeze", "Rain" or "Spring Garden" scented? Well, when was the last time a waft of ocean air was all that refreshing? 1932 perhaps? I don't know if you live by an ocean, I do, and I have to say nowadays a hefty blast of ocean air smells more like lobster shit, dead fish, pirate booty (not the good kind), bad halitosis, and several ripe armpits. Now if they could can that then I might be a believer. Oh yeah, "Rain" never smells like nothing more than wet concrete for you urban dwelling peeps, and "Rain" will smell like overflowing septic tanks for you country folk. "Spring Garden"? That should smell more like dirt, rotting compost, and weed killer. Mmmmm, FRESH!



And how about those food scented fresheners? Y'know, Cupcake, Cinnamon, Apple Pie... WTF? If I wanted my car or my house to smell like food I'd just sprinkle some cinnamon on the carpet, maybe get some Taco Bell drive-thru and stink up my car with that greasy taco stench. I'm all for natural scents, like "Wet Dog", "Sweat", "Moldy Carpet", or "Water Treatment Plant".

Err, I guess that's not so natural, but it sure beats "Pirate Booty" and the Incredible Hulk's ass, if that's possible.

Savorless Flavor of Reality World

Are you a reality t.v. fan? You might have missed the reunion episode of 'Flavor of Love 3' wherein Flavor Flav kicks the winner, Thing 2 (great nickname) to the curb, and proposes to the mother of his SEVENTH child. Oh, nah he din't. Oh, yes he did, girlfriend! See fo' yo-selfs!

• VH1 TV Shows
• Music Videos
• Celebrity Photos
• News & Gossip

I think I just vomited a little. I'm surprised someone hasn't been shot on any reality t.v. shows yet. Because in my opinion that's the way it appears reality t.v. is headed. You know some of these "contestants" one day are going to get so pissed off that might actually happen. Sorry to say, but I'm not a fan of reality t.v., I think it's the downfall of humanity and the continuing decline of modern civilization.

It's bad enough "reality t.v." puts dysfunction, stupidity and ignorance in the limelight. And although it's good for some laughs on occasion, as far as how worse off your life could be. The scary thing to me is, people who watch these, mostly teens who need more appropriate role models as they develop important social skills to prepare them for real life, there are also some adults who think shows like this are a model for real life and watch every episode they can. Their brains soaking up the televised miasma of modern soap operas, infecting their minds with the disease of reality t.v. for the sake of mind-numbing entertainment.



These shows aren't anywhere close to being an actual model for reality. When was the last time your reality looked like the latest "reality" t.v. series?

What would make reality t.v. REAL?! Let's see, perhaps a bunch of homeless people getting rolled by the police in L.A., or a family torn apart by infidelity, maybe follow the life of an average ordinary citizen who does nothing particularly interesting in their day to day activities, a janitor scrubbing toilets or a housewife who has to pick up after her lazy household? Maybe an entire series made of surveillance camera clips?

Many civilizations throughout history ended up destroying themselves with pure unadulterated hedonism. Looks like we are nearing the pinnacle again. I hate to think when we are all gone and distant future generations are doing archaeological digs they might accidentally discover our reality t.v. shows.

Now before you say "Static, don't be hatin'!" think about this...

Take a television show based on a bunch of ignorant people that have TONS of baggage, a predisposition towards dysfunctional behavior often including violence. Mix in several parts alcohol, immaturity, sexual innuendo, and silly contests. Then pit all these people against one another by forcing them to share the same home and "love interest" and see who beats whom (literally sometimes), all in the proposed setting that these persons are competing for the "love" (money, free ride on the coattails of fame) of one washed-up celebrity on a cable television network. Doesn't that seem just a little sick to you? I certainly don't pay my cable bill to watch this shit. But apparently lots of people do, just so they can see Jerry Springer rejects dry hump a fire hydrant like a dog in heat and beat each other into bloody pulps instead of getting therapy. Essentially coming across as a society of mindless chimps flinging poo and engaging in other primitive behaviors. Is that how we really want to be remembered?



As for Flavor, he basically had three shows that gave him 60+ chances more than he would have normally had at getting laid, likely propagating several more illegitimate children in the process and getting his name out there again before he popped the question to a mother of one of his many children. Seven kids man? The guy seems like he has the mental development of a 12-year-old child. My prediction is; in six months a new series - 'Flavor of Love 4'.


Flav demonstrates to kids about how to make babies.

Re: Wandi Maker Needed !!

Occasionally I like to check out Craigslist to see if anything of value is posted. Sometimes you can find items you want for really cheap, or in some cases free. I like to also see what kind of ridiculous ads people put up, and there are plenty if you've noticed. Take for example this help wanted ad in Rhode Island: Wandi Maker Needed !!

Well, I didn't have any idea what a wandi was until I asked a few people. Apparently, it's a cookie formed into a bowtie, fried in oil, then sprinkled with confectioners' sugar... I didn't know there was demand for professional bowtied fried sugar sprinkled cookie-makers. Only in Rhode Island as they say, little do Rhode Islanders know, the rest of New England is actually making fun of them.

So naturally, being the cantankerous pessimistic lame ass bastard that I am, I decided to post a response.

Re: Wandi Maker Needed !! (Cranston)
Reply to: see below
Date: 2008-05-01, 1:32PM EDT

To the guys with the BUSY Italian bakery looking for a professional wandi maker.

Are you SERIOUS?! A professional WANDI maker??????

Don't you mean you are looking for a BAKER or a CHEF - I assume that's who make wandis right - not just a professional wandi maker? Because I seriously doubt ANYONE has "professional wandi maker" listed on their resumes.

Also your reference to pay and inquiries: "hourly wage to be determined according to experience. e-mail us to get more information."

?????

Have you actually had anybody respond to this ludicrous ad? Do most people even know what a wandi is? Would a professional "wandi maker" respond? Would they waste their time? What would that be like, hmm let me see.... maybe something like this:


*********************Re: Wandi Maker Needed !!*********************


Hi wandi making Busy Italian Bakery manager,

My name is Goombah McWandi!
I'm a professional wandi maker, I have been happily making wandis for 25+ years. I specialize in wandi making. Wandi making is a skilled culinary art, for which I have a masters degree in wandi crafting from Wandi Tech. In fact you could say I am a wandi ninja. I wandi all day, I wandi all night. I can even wandi in my sleep. Over 1,000,000,000 wandis served!

My work references include a long list of wandi specialty stores, some non-descript Italian restaurants, and a wandi factory. I work for no less than $3.00 per hour.

Please find my resume attached and call me at your convenience. Ciao!

Regards,

Obi-Wandi Kenobi


So do I get the job?




* Location: Anytown, RI
* Compensation: a pile of wandi
* This is a part-time job.
* This is an internship job
* OK for recruiters to contact this job poster.
* Phone calls about this job are ok.
* Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests. In fact don't contact at all.

http://providence.craigslist.org/lab/663645824.html

So naturally, I haven't heard anything. I'm not surprised really, they probably took my response quite hard and have decided to bring in a trained monkey instead.

I also couldn't help but submit my own post to the Best of Craigslist (just to annoy them and other people a bit more, that's how I roll). Feel free to submit it too.
Vote 'Re: Wandi Maker Needed !! for addition to Best of Craigslist

Who Else Wants a Ginormous Spoon?

I was looking around YouTube the other day when I re-discovered an animation I had forgotten about. It's called 'Rejected' by Don Hertzfeldt. Hertzfeldt's films often feature hand-drawn stick figures acting out combinations of slapstick, absurd, and black humor along with heavier existential themes. Animation is an art form that can never be replaced by seemingly well-made but artistically-shallow CG blockbusters.

Get out your bowl of cereal and grab a spoon bigger than your head. This is fun-nuh!

The film is fictional, premiering at the San Diego Comic Convention in 2000 it went on to be nominated for an Academy Award® in 2001. Hertzfeldt has never done any commercial work, after receiving many offers to do television commercials he always wished he could just make a cheap, nonsensical commercial to give to any company intending to hire him, make off with their money, and see if the terrible cartoons would actually make it to air. Only of course his work would be rejected as he hypothetically depicts in the short film.

What also makes Hertzfeldt unique is that since 1999 he photographs all his films on an antique 35mm Richardson animation camera stand, believed to be the same camera that photographed many of the early Peanuts cartoons in the 1960's and 70's. It's reportedly one of the last remaining functioning cameras of its kind left in America (if not the world), and Hertzfeldt finds it to be a crucial element in the creation of his films and their unique visuals. His early films have been credited as being a prominent influence on surrealism, absurdism, and "random humor" in animation since 2000, particularly influencing Adult Swim style animated comedy.

Hertzfeldt is one of few independent filmmakers who could be considered a true auteur. He usually single-handedly writes, directs, produces, animates, photographs, edits, records and mixes sound, and/or composes music for his films, at times requiring years to complete a single short. The animation alone for one of his films may often require tens of thousands of drawings. Hertzfeldt has never held any job other than working on his own animated films, nor has he accepted "real" commercial work and has stated numerous times on his website and in public appearances that he never will, as he feels they are "lies" and does not want to lie to his audience.

Hertzfeldt's films are regularly found in film festivals around the world winning awards, as well as an Oscar® nomination. Hertzfeldt prefers to not sell any of his original or production artwork. Instead, through his production company Bitter Films in the late 90's and early 00's, he annually auctioned pieces off online to raise thousands of dollars for local Santa Barbara charities. Other original artwork has been occasionally given away through the Bitter Films online store through special promotions. Because Hertzfeldt also rarely does signings, his artwork is very rare for animation collectors or casual fans to own.

You can discover more about Don_Hertzfeldt and his work at; http://www.bitterfilms.com/

10,000 B.C. Movie Reviewed by Cavemen

Ugg, me don't know how to say... me have little language skill.

This our review for movie 10,000 B.C. due in theaters March 7.

First, I want to say caveman circa 10,000 B.C. look more like me!
**sniffs grunts**

No, you thinking of 20,000 B.C. Me think they looked handsome like me in 10,000 B.C.!

No, what meant to say was, me think they look nothing like Hollywood depicts us look like.

What?
Don't listen him.
Anyway, 10,000 B.C. has lots of action with plankton, other cave people, sabre tooth tiger and WOOLY mammoth!

Rah YEAH, WOOLY mammoth action!!!
**drools**

What?

10,000 B.C. will be the movie I go see on sly, and pretend it not utter trash, me not completely above watching 10,000 B.C. Really, the lead cavewoman pretty nice piece of prehistoric ass, with spear, so it a can't miss for me. Are there hot blond cavewomen? There gotta be hot blond cavewomen. Hot blond cavewomen...Yum.
Now here some sneak peeks from movie 10,000 B.C.

What the hell was that? Me have no idea what this movie about. 10,000 B.C. looks like it was made in 10,000 B.C. This movie suck.






WOOLY mammoth action!!!
**drools**

Toothpaste For Dinner

ToothpasteForDinner.com
Great original cartoon strip. What more can I say but this;

The Fifth Element = Blonde Bimbo Lesson

Bimbo (def) per Urban Dictionary:
A girl who is not so bright, wears lots of make up and is obsessed with boys, shopping and clothes. Generally blonde but there are exceptions.
You can spot them because they will be the big group of girls that all look the same and are giggling hysterically.
Woman who is not attractive enough to be a model, not intelligent enough to be an actress, and not nice enough to be a poisonous snake.
A bread brand that has been discovered on holiday in spain...can also be found in south america.

What can we learn from a bimbo?

Watch the outtakes around 3:40, it speaks volumes.



A totally unrelated topic:
I wonder what the meaning behind the word "jactitation" is?

Truth be known, I might have been a straight 'A' student if I had more teachers like her... nah! I wouldn't have gotten any work done. I would have been in a constant state of jactitation.