Gloria in Excelsis Deo

Mon Nov. 17, 2008

Drama, Greece (Krapsody) - A sad day for Krapsody as one of our reporters, Gloria Phlogiston, was done in at a motocross track yesterday evening while taping a story about the dangers involved with motorcycle racing. The captured footage gives a horrifying glimpse of when stunts go wrong, such as her coverage of the world speed record made in a jet powered wheelchair that ended in the deaths of well over 90 people in September.

Contained in the video clip you will see that Gloria is sitting on the tailgate of a large truck which has been rigged with pyrotechnic special effects and includes a hidden motorcycle that is supposed to fly out the back of the truck and detonate the explosives. The motorcycle appears momentarily in the background behind Gloria, the pyrotechnics erupt with a brief flash igniting Gloria's hair and microphone, whereupon she catches fire, curses and collapses to the ground.

Krapsody's Nottie of the Week™ #2!

Back by popular demand, a second installment of Krapsody's Nottie of the Week™!

For your viewing pleasure, our newest member. Lou Zar, a 24 year-old garbage man from Shitsville, USA. Drop me an email to let me know if you'd like to meet this charmer.

Well, by the looks of Lou's profile, he seems rather confused as to how to submit a good picture and properly lie about himself in order to get a date. He probably doesn't know whether to scratch his watch or wind his ass on a regular basis. Maybe someone will appreciate his sense of humor.

Lou if you are reading this, you are nothing more than the words used to dismiss you. Do yourself and everyone else a favor: either pull the glove over your entire head until you suffocate, or fasten a boulder to your clubfoot and go parachuting off the steep side of Mount Everest. I hope that in the future, you will kindly submit more appropriate photos before assaulting unsuspecting readers of this blog with your visual atrocities.

Tune in next week for the next maladjusted, mattress-soiling dreg of the Internet.

Ladies and Gentlemen: The 44th President of the United States of America

The day Senator Barack Obama was elected the 44th president of this great land, marks an important day in history. In fact, apparently the whole world thought so too. Thousands, nay millions, perhaps billions of people were freaking out all over the planet. Dancing, parading, waving banners of praise in the streets; once again falling in love with the USA and it's leader after many years of being repulsed by it. I wonder how George W. felt about all that? Talk about being the most unpopular guy ever.

Obama's First Task as President

Washington, D.C. (Krapsody) - As you all know, unless you are living under a rock, or in a cave, America has chosen it's new leader. We give you President Barack "the Brock" Obama. America's first whitest "black" president.

American voters did face the most difficult of all decisions in last night's election. Polls indicated that after Obama's infomercial on Oct 30, many voters were confused as to whether to vote Obama, and they'd receive a free set of Ginsu knives and a Bedazzler; or whether to vote McCain and receive a senior citizen Wal-Mart greeter with Alzheimer's, and a grinning redneck dressed in Banana Republican outerwear shooting squirrels in their backyard. Certainly a tough decision by any standards.

Pantless Trouble in Utah

Mon Oct. 27, 2008

Salt Lake City, Utah (Krapsody) - A woman was escorted from a TRAX train Monday morning after fellow riders reported that she was not wearing any pants. Yes, not wearing any pants.

Around 7:30 a.m., Utah Transit Authority officers bum rushed the woman and escorted her off the train. They proceeded with interrogating her inside a musty janitor closet on a small, uncomfortable wooden chair under a bright lamp at the 5400 South station in Midellanowhere, Utah.

After the officers argued over who was going to play out "good cop, bad cop" and finally "sauntering cop, shimmying cop" roles with the "nekkid" woman, they suddenly realized she was in fact wearing a miniskirt. Her coat was covering the skirt, leading fellow riders to stare at, and their evil gossiping wives to believe she was not wearing anything beneath her waist, said UTA spokesman Harry Ballsack-Slapper (who is a Mormon and has thirteen wives).

After the retarded Nazis interviewed the woman and realized their error, they let her get back on the train and continue her ride, with some psychological scarring and a little less dignity than when she started her trip perhaps.

The moral of the story is to make sure that your fellow passengers don't decide that you aren't wearing pants, even though you are. So maybe you shouldn't wear any just in case you get pulled from a train in Utah. Just be sure to wear a coat that covers that miniskirt you're wearing, because if you were really naked that would be wrong... and disturbing.

Since hardly anything newsworthy happens in Utah other than the usual polygamist prosecution cases, people getting thrown from trains and re-enactments of the Mountain Meadows Massacre of Sept. 11th, 1857, here is an unrelated story; On Thursday, a fire gutted the Salt Lake City, Utah library causing $6.95 worth of damage . . . It could have been worse but someone had the coloring book checked out.

Story taken from The Salt Lake Tribune article, 10/27/08