For Whom the Meme Tolls

Earlier this month the Dead Rooster whacked me over the head with one of those things... oh, what do you call it, a meme tag! Good gawd no! Not another f-ing meme tag! That's all the internet needs is another meme tag circle jerkfest.

My humble apologies and no offenses intended to my fellow bloggers, or to the Dead Rooster, but the memes must stop here. I appreciate the thought, but one of the meme tag rules is to respect that not everyone you tag will respond. Allow me to explain why I am opposed to meme tags for these following reasons;



1) Beaker says, "Meme meme meme meme". And nothing annoys me more than Beaker. I loathe Beaker. I'd give him stonings and wet noodle beatings until he stopped moving, then I'd do it some more, that's just how much I loathe him. A good muppet is a dead muppet. Especially an annoying one.

2) Memes spread because Blogger A tags Blogger B, thereby making Blogger B feel obligated to answer a series of silly questions or share annoying habits about themselves. It's like a virus, I've caught it, now I'm giving it to you. (Cough cough) I'd rather shove knitting needles in my eyes than have to feel obligated to do something for someone. I find it more fun to play Scrabble without any vowels, in fact I'd rather do that than partake in a meme tag.


3) I also like my freedom and my anonymity. Freedom for instance to post amoral content (which could be humorous) such as my idea of taking starving babies and hooking them to a disco ball, turning it into a flailing mass of meat, shards of mirror and stage lights, then call it art. What the hell, if Yale art major Aliza Shvarts can do a demented art project about her alleged abortions or a loco Costa Rican artist named Guillermo Vargas can chain an emaciated dog to a wall and they can be classified as urban legends and artistic nutters then I can do it too. Only I can do it better. I'll say it's fake but then it will all actually be considered real. Real fake. And since my internet identity is concealed I'll be totally anonymous so it wouldn't actually affect me in the least, it shouldn't affect anyone else either. It's the internets, which is largely unregulated, mostly built on hype, develop your own mental filter, pick your battles and get over it.


4) Krapsody is a steaming pile, that's how it started, that's how it will probably end (in the very, VERY distant future, perhaps an instant before the end of what we know as time, so don't get your hopes up). For those of you who don't like Krapsody, you know where the exit is. I shine a big spotlight on any krap found on the net that strikes my interest. No one said it had to be good, I never claimed it has to be and I certainly don't expect readers to think so either. If it makes you laugh, great! My job is done. If it makes me laugh, that's even better.

5) Meme tagging is used as a way for blatant shameless self-promotion amongst a circle of bloggers, which I do not entirely frown upon. I'm not opposed to whoring as whoring can be good. Unless your blog is over-run by them or the whores are SEO, internet marketing, adult, lenders, pharmaceutical spammers, vying for your attention so they can get you to look at or sell you something that is 9 times out of 10 a complete waste of time. I like to catch spammers at their own game, baiting them with useless links and the possibility of actually being able to scam me. But 99.9% of them use fake email addresses anyway!

6) Meme tagging is an excuse to not write something interesting. How many times does the meme tag get used as a way to avoid posting something of substance? Well there is certainly nothing of substance here. So if you should happen to find it, please let me know. I've tried to find it but feel I am better at golf, and I suck at golf. That's because I hate golfing. Come to think of it I also have an absolutely horrid track record for following instructions.

7) The Pain! The Pain! Meme tags are painful. They cause hemmoroids. Meme tags are entirely responsible for MASSIVE rectal damage. It's true. Because of how much time you spend sitting on your ass trying to keep up with meme taggings and then the comments. As a preventative cure I just shot an entire case of Preparation-H up my bung. I buy it in bulk just for these occasions.

8) Meme tags evoke a sense of elitism, like "we're special and you're not", even though everyone who blogs has done it before. So no one is really that special. Unless it's me. And when I say special I don't mean mentally challenged, I mean special like this.

So, since I've sorta, kinda, already done the meme by revealing eight pointless facts/habits about myself you never really cared to know about (if you were paying attention and caught it), at this point I'm going to break the rules some more. Well, not exactly break the rules. I'm going to CHANGE the rules. How's that? I just changed the rules! Rules are made to be broken... or at least bent. So get bent... RULES!

I will end this meme catastrophe simply by NOT tagging anyone!
Crimeny Jehosophat, tag EIGHT PEOPLE?! No way. That’s too many. Besides, I know I’m late to this party, hasn’t everybody already done this one? I would not inflict the pressure of a meme tag on my worst enemy. Every meme has to come to an end. Look, if you haven’t done it, go do it. Okay? No, on second thought don't.