¡Mi Asno Duele. Ay Caramba!

¿Que pasa, por qué esta reacción? ¡Mi Asno Duele. Ay Caramba!
(That passes, why this reaction? My Burro Hurts. Oh Heck!)

I swear it seems people are so easily offended anymore, by people I am referring to Americans, because it's often implied by many Americans that Americans are the only people on the planet. I think I can safely say so, since I am American, and amongst the many things America stands for, one would be freedom of speech...but hold on, let me just barricade the door, I see a crowd gathering outside already...hold on one sec.

Ok, whew! Avoiding the lynch mobs are getting more difficult every day. Anyway, I was referring to the recent ad campaign that the distillers of Sweden's Absolut vodka have withdrawn, an advertisement run in Mexico that angered many U.S. citizens by idealizing an early 19th century map showing chunks of the United States as being a part of Mexico. (Which it was at the time. History says so. Right? Mmmkay.)

The billboard ad has the slogan "In an Absolut World" slapped over a pre-1848 map showing California, Arizona and other U.S. states as Mexican territory. Those states were carved out of what had been Mexican lands until that year. (Just like I said. Right? Mmmkay.)

I am curious how an ad showing a map of what Mexico used to look like and the ad commentary that is obviously meant in jest could breed so much animosity?

In fear that the ad itself would breed or renew anti-American sentiments across the border, only the U.S. has undergone a border buildup and been embroiled in an emotional debate over illegal immigration from it's southern neighbor -- considering that the U.S. assumed the right to limit the self-determination of any people in the world through its so-called "preemptive strikes" using blackmail and coercion year after year to impose a resolution that manipulates the issue of human rights or political correctness, so as to fabricate an illegitimate pretext for its policy of hostility towards countries such as Mexico.

However, U.S. consumers in this instance of course called for a boycott. And apparently, Mexico still resents losing that territory in the 1848 Mexican-American War and the fight for Texas independence.

Seems like the animosity still exists, so ...let's just sweep it under the carpet shall we? We can't see the elephant in the room because it's hidden under there with everything else we've managed to put under it.

This is also a classic case of "It was ours first" and "No, it was ours first" kind of mentality that seems to have warped the common sense of most human beings to date. I see children playing in sandboxes together who are less self-centered. Wait a second, actually this would be the second strike against Mexico, the first was the new immigration laws and that big fence called the U.S.-Mexico Barrier or the Great Wall of Mexico which hasn't seen completion.

And what about Absolut vodka? Where does Absolut fit into all of this? Absolut is a contemporary phenomenon. First exported in 1979, Absolut vodka quickly soared to one of the best-selling premium vodkas in the world today. It is an overnight success since 1879. And now an overnight shame to some it appears.

Absolut said in a statement left on its consumer inquiry phone line, "In no way was it meant to offend or disparage, nor does it advocate an altering of borders, nor does it lend support to any anti-American sentiment, nor does it reflect immigration issues."

Absolut has always had offbeat ads. Their quirky advertisements place Absolut vodka bottles in unique situations around a theme usually. And up until now to my knowledge no one has had an embolism as a result of the ads. It's not like it's a cartoon depicting Muhammad with a bottle of Absolut in his turban.

The real enemy, no sense of humor.

Can't we all just get along? I don't see OPEC and environmentalists fighting over this ad.

Similarly I don't think John Lennon and Yoko Ono fans were up in arms over this ad which featured Absolut bottles in unsavory places.


What about these Absolut spoofs? AbsolutAd.com has no connection to the Absolut Vodka company and I'm not sure if anyone can submit their own photochopped spoofs or not. I don't think Absolut was up in arms over some of the less savory ones. Have a look and tell me what you think.

In retrospect this all seems silly and just a distraction from the real issues at hand. Like for example the Olympic Games in Beijing. Noting that China has the power to convince the Sudanese government to accept deployment of the United Nations-African Union (UNAMID) peacekeeping forces for Darfur, instead China remains Sudan's major weapons provider, largest foreign investor and trade partner, and diplomatic apologist.

China's human rights record, includes its harsh rule in Tibet. The question being whether or not nations and President Bush should sit quietly and watch the lighting of the Olympic torch—under a 'one world, one dream' banner, basking under the warm glow of peace and brotherhood associated with the opening games while the rest of the world continues to underwrite atrocities and real human rights.

Of course these mere issues are certainly less important than an Absolut advertisement depicting the U.S. and Mexico's relations in a unpleasant manner.

I am afraid I won't be writing any more articles as I am being targeted by the U.S. government as unpatriotic and a traitor. Public enemy no. 1. The FBI will be transporting me to Guantanamo Bay and there I will meet George W. Bush who, by his own hand, will give me a double dose of "terror suspect torture".

This will include hours upon hours of 'I Love Lucy' reruns followed by Mariachi band music at ear drum shattering volumes so I can't sleep, nothing but Taco Bell hot sauce to eat and drink, and for recreation I will be photographed in compromising positions in a nude dog pile, spanked and forced to say things like, "who's your daddy?!". Until next time. See ya on the upside.