Will Smith Getting Jiggy with It

The Oscars Summed Up In One Photo

Did you catch the Oscars Sunday night? Wait..wait..wait. Better question: did you enjoy them? Between Ben Stiller's awful Avatar spoof, and those horribly tedious - "I'd like to thank the Academy" and "I'd like to thank Gawd" acceptance speeches, I think I've found the cure for Oscar night blues, and it ain't more cowbell.

Short Term Meme-ory

In some kind of weird game of "you're it", I've been tagged. It's true. In the spirit of blogging and internet memes, I'd completely forgotten for many months now that I was bestowed with more awards for my handiwork as a blogger than I could shake a sharp pointy stick at.

It's easy to forget things like this when you have near absolute chaos going on in your life, and when said sharp pointy stick has pierced your brain's left frontal lobe because you've tripped over everything in your path.

I'm such a klutz. Good thing I didn't run with the scissors on this occasion.

But gosh, so much has happened in the last six months, such as...


well, sitting around in my underwear all day eating Cheese Doodles and thinking up stupid stuff to write about.

While it does appear that I must -- as one person has said -- "sit around in [my] underwear all day eating Cheese Doodles and thinking up stupid [stuff]" -- they were, in fact, correct. How else would I come up with this stupid stuff to write about?

It's a difficult job, and I need lots of brain food (which is where the Cheese Doodles come in.)

Of course when it comes to writing so much stupid stuff, I must inform that it's an ongoing effort, and quite demanding as you could imagine. IMAGINE IT, I say.

I'll give you a moment to visualize me sitting and lying around in my underwear eating Cheese Doodles...trying to come up with stupid stuff to write about...

Y'know honestly, coming up with this much stupid stuff in itself does take LOTS of time and dedication. I publish slightly amusing articles I suppose. My collection of "innocuously humorous ruminations on life, love and dumb stuff" could almost be a full-time job in some respects.

But it's not, thank the stars, because I already have a full-time job and I also go to school full-time and I do have to eat, sleep, and practice good personal hygiene at some point in my career as a stupid stuff writer.

So I can't always take the time to write for your reading pleasure, not that I write for your reading pleasure exclusively. Much too busy to try to do that. If I can chuckle about my musings, then I'm sure others would chuckle about it too. Good 'nuff for me.

To be quite honest, I am also unable to follow the guidelines for acceptance of the following awards. But I accept them anyway!

I am all for spreading the love, but I am way too bow-legged and have too much going on to pass these on to another blogger. Frankly, I think there are a lot of great bloggers out there that deserve these awards, so it wouldn't feel fair to give them to just a few of my favorites.

I prefer to drop comments on my favorite blogger's pages when I can. For me, that's how I show I care. Because I care, just like a kid lost in a candy store...mostly.


First and foremost, I rang in the new year with The Helping Hand Award from Survivor at I DON'T GIVE A BLEEP. According to Survivor, I am a sick, sick man and my humor is irreverent and just plan crazy.

I thank you for your comments and the gesture, Survivor.

I shall visit you at your office one day soon, with a box-full of infomercials you could give a bleep about. Then I will proceed to strip naked and run about your office screaming at the top of my lungs that you touched me inappropriately. What better way to thank a fan?



Tamera Daun of Pentad: Simplifying Life and Love, dropped this award on me back in September. Yes!!! that long ago..I feel like an ass. And my ass thanks you too.



I'm not only brilliant according to this award, I'm brillante!
I'd like to thank the academy, Gawd and all my followers (3 in total). And most of all thank you Pentad, for sticking with me through think 'n thin, sickness and health, forever and ever amen.

The rules for this one were also requiring that I pass it on. Once again, apologies. I just have too much to do. But I thank you all the same.


Coincidentally, Chris Upp of The Lost News also dropped the same award on me back in September. So thank you also Chris! I wish I could return the favor, would you like some Cheese Doodles?



Going back to JULY last year (that's July of 2008 for you folks who may have forgotten it is now 2009), Damo at Angry Clown dropped the Arte Y Pico Award on my foot, which left me with a severe limp, but that's okay since I already had a limp - because of my unusually large club foot!

Oh, I am an ass. Truly, I am. Many apologies for the long and overdue thank yous.







Finally, the brilliant and always funny, Lobo over at Predator Press was so kind as to give me The 2008 Absolute Bestest Incomprehensive Awards Ceremony Ever Held By Predator Press in the History of Humanity! Award.



However, he didn't really give it to me, I gave it to myself. Well, he said we were all winners when he handed it out last year, and frankly, I was tired of feeling like I was a loser.

But I do have all these fine write-ups to inflate my ego (which is already quite immense despite my self-deprecating remarks.)

I must not suck all that bad for the recognition I have received from such wonderful folks in the blogosphere. But seeings as I haven't recognized the latest awards until now...I guess this means the long rumored all-expenses-paid trip to Vegas isn't forthcoming.

And I guess this also means I should take it as a sign that my career in show business won't be taking off either. My already-small role in "The Lance Armstrong Story" is being trimmed in favor of more shots of a cancerous testicle. And so I bid you adieu until next time.

Static's World Domination Plan: Awards and Merits

As I watched someone trip over a gummy bear and fall, I rubbed my fingers together all giddily and whispered, "Excellent... everything is going as planned as in my... plan... plan B!"

Then I started chuckling, and when I couldn't hold in my perverse joy any longer, I laughed out loud, "Muahahahaha!!!" Plan B has started. I will rule the world and no one is going to stop ME!

kekekeke!
"Hey! Get back to work, what are you doing giggling like a little girl?" -boss.
Oh, right. O_o. *sighs* Damn.

This has been a long time coming. THE KRAPSODY BLOG! - New and improved like botox injections in your arse!(I mean your face) Hey, I am actually popular for once in my life!

Weird isn't it?
It's not like this blog sucks is well written (it is), really funny (it is), written by a genius (it is), or deserves a Nobel Peace Prize (it does).

Enough about me. This is all about the awards and recognition I have received in the past few weeks. So this really is about me after all. Never mind. Let's get on with it, shall we?

__________

The Angry Clown has bestowed me with the Hell Award for Evilness. Edit: Incidentally, I am also a co-author on the site.

According to Angry Clown creator, Damian;

Everyone is making there own awards so i thought i will make one for evilness I haven't seen any around for it and as everybody knows you don't get awarded enough for badness these days, so here it is.
There are only 5 rules you must follow if you win this prize:

1. You have to show the link of the blog/s that awarded you the HELL AWARD.
   
2. You must award this prize to at least 3 other blogs and show there links and names.
3. The award must be linked back to ANGRY CLOWN
4. All awards must be deserved.
5. The rules must be shown with the award.

The names of the thirdysecondlyfirst winning blogs EVAR are...

1. : Qelqoth from The Cult of Qelqoth if anyone deserves the Hell Award it would be TCOQ very funny reading and lots of useful info on gardening!
   
2. : Jeff Mann from Not What It Used To Be an awesomely entertaining newer blog started in June 2008 about Jeff Mann's musings on the krapness of modern life with a dash of rosemary from Qelqoth's garden!
   
3. : Julius Bloop from Julius Bloop - Comedy for Weirdos I've been a long time fan of this comedy randomness blog. And Jolene Bloop is hot!
   
4. : Ms. Orange Derange from Orange Derange Pronunced: ˈo-ren-jē di-ren-jē. It's one of the best blogs about celebrities and general observational humor I've seen around. Ms. Derange is one talented girl (and hot... hot as a HELL AWARD). Check it out.
   

(If your worried about this being a "meme" then you would be right but thats all part of being eviiiillllll)

__________

Additionally, Lord Likely of The Astonishing Adventures of Lord Likely also presented me with an award recently, The Golden Cock of Excellence Award! BEHOLD it's excellence!


Note: not actual size

Many thanks to Lord Likely for even considering this flophouse for such as esteemed honor. If his Lordship and his fandom would care to stop in, I would offer them the best room in the house. The one without all the rats and stained mattresses. So thank you Lord Likely for presenting us your spurting likeness!


__________
And speaking of spurting, Ms. Oranged Deranged made a fantastic video for me! I created the music from some samples that I remixed aeons ago, and she came up with the animation. We plan on doing a version in the very near future that will be even better than this one (if that is possible), so stay tuned for that!

Deconstructing ~Static~ Brainstorming Session #2

WORK IN PROGRESS (WIP)

Deconstructing ~Static~ Brainstorming Session #2, rough draft #2

Original music by ~Static~ http://krapsody.blogspot.com/

produced and animated at ~Static~'s School of Disembodied Poetics, University of Antarctica.


__________
My long time friends Matthias, The Boy David, Sir Paul of The Arnoldover and sometimes Lord Nevets over at The Snot... The UK's Premier Twisted Satire Source (it's all about the hype y'know) dropped me a line recently that The Snot is back once again! If you didn't know already The Snot is a British satirical website that first surfaced in 2001. The site gained notoriety for being offensive and often containing libelous material. One of the sites best loved features were the 'reporters', whose names were spoonerisms. (Google it)



They went offline in 2006 for nearly two years, if I remember correctly (my memory is horrid; especially when I've been huffing kittens). However, in March 2008, it was decided that The Snot should live again, albeit in simplified and slightly toned down form.
And I am honored that they contacted 'lil ol' me to spread the word. So werd up to yo muthas; yo!


__________
And finally, Chelle B of Offended Blogger added me to a new blog community
Humor Bloggers dot com the #1 social community for humor bloggers and the best directory of humor blogs on the net. A collaborative effort between her, Don "It's a Funny Thing" Lewis and Bee of the infamously funny Bee's Musings.



I feel honored to be a part of their site and hope you will pay them a visit and me some respect by hitting my links at least a thousand times this week. Bettah recognize biatches.
I thank you! I thank you all for being so kind, and gentle (be gentle). Insert more gratuitous and surreal compliments here.

~Static

For Whom the Meme Tolls

Earlier this month the Dead Rooster whacked me over the head with one of those things... oh, what do you call it, a meme tag! Good gawd no! Not another f-ing meme tag! That's all the internet needs is another meme tag circle jerkfest.

My humble apologies and no offenses intended to my fellow bloggers, or to the Dead Rooster, but the memes must stop here. I appreciate the thought, but one of the meme tag rules is to respect that not everyone you tag will respond. Allow me to explain why I am opposed to meme tags for these following reasons;



1) Beaker says, "Meme meme meme meme". And nothing annoys me more than Beaker. I loathe Beaker. I'd give him stonings and wet noodle beatings until he stopped moving, then I'd do it some more, that's just how much I loathe him. A good muppet is a dead muppet. Especially an annoying one.

2) Memes spread because Blogger A tags Blogger B, thereby making Blogger B feel obligated to answer a series of silly questions or share annoying habits about themselves. It's like a virus, I've caught it, now I'm giving it to you. (Cough cough) I'd rather shove knitting needles in my eyes than have to feel obligated to do something for someone. I find it more fun to play Scrabble without any vowels, in fact I'd rather do that than partake in a meme tag.


3) I also like my freedom and my anonymity. Freedom for instance to post amoral content (which could be humorous) such as my idea of taking starving babies and hooking them to a disco ball, turning it into a flailing mass of meat, shards of mirror and stage lights, then call it art. What the hell, if Yale art major Aliza Shvarts can do a demented art project about her alleged abortions or a loco Costa Rican artist named Guillermo Vargas can chain an emaciated dog to a wall and they can be classified as urban legends and artistic nutters then I can do it too. Only I can do it better. I'll say it's fake but then it will all actually be considered real. Real fake. And since my internet identity is concealed I'll be totally anonymous so it wouldn't actually affect me in the least, it shouldn't affect anyone else either. It's the internets, which is largely unregulated, mostly built on hype, develop your own mental filter, pick your battles and get over it.


4) Krapsody is a steaming pile, that's how it started, that's how it will probably end (in the very, VERY distant future, perhaps an instant before the end of what we know as time, so don't get your hopes up). For those of you who don't like Krapsody, you know where the exit is. I shine a big spotlight on any krap found on the net that strikes my interest. No one said it had to be good, I never claimed it has to be and I certainly don't expect readers to think so either. If it makes you laugh, great! My job is done. If it makes me laugh, that's even better.

5) Meme tagging is used as a way for blatant shameless self-promotion amongst a circle of bloggers, which I do not entirely frown upon. I'm not opposed to whoring as whoring can be good. Unless your blog is over-run by them or the whores are SEO, internet marketing, adult, lenders, pharmaceutical spammers, vying for your attention so they can get you to look at or sell you something that is 9 times out of 10 a complete waste of time. I like to catch spammers at their own game, baiting them with useless links and the possibility of actually being able to scam me. But 99.9% of them use fake email addresses anyway!

6) Meme tagging is an excuse to not write something interesting. How many times does the meme tag get used as a way to avoid posting something of substance? Well there is certainly nothing of substance here. So if you should happen to find it, please let me know. I've tried to find it but feel I am better at golf, and I suck at golf. That's because I hate golfing. Come to think of it I also have an absolutely horrid track record for following instructions.

7) The Pain! The Pain! Meme tags are painful. They cause hemmoroids. Meme tags are entirely responsible for MASSIVE rectal damage. It's true. Because of how much time you spend sitting on your ass trying to keep up with meme taggings and then the comments. As a preventative cure I just shot an entire case of Preparation-H up my bung. I buy it in bulk just for these occasions.

8) Meme tags evoke a sense of elitism, like "we're special and you're not", even though everyone who blogs has done it before. So no one is really that special. Unless it's me. And when I say special I don't mean mentally challenged, I mean special like this.

So, since I've sorta, kinda, already done the meme by revealing eight pointless facts/habits about myself you never really cared to know about (if you were paying attention and caught it), at this point I'm going to break the rules some more. Well, not exactly break the rules. I'm going to CHANGE the rules. How's that? I just changed the rules! Rules are made to be broken... or at least bent. So get bent... RULES!

I will end this meme catastrophe simply by NOT tagging anyone!
Crimeny Jehosophat, tag EIGHT PEOPLE?! No way. That’s too many. Besides, I know I’m late to this party, hasn’t everybody already done this one? I would not inflict the pressure of a meme tag on my worst enemy. Every meme has to come to an end. Look, if you haven’t done it, go do it. Okay? No, on second thought don't.