Need A Lift?

Having thoughts about cosmetic surgery? Keep these in your wallet for quick reference.















If those don't deter you this will




Joan Van Ark

Before


After

40 to 80 in just under 6 seconds...

Hulk Will Suck Movie Review + Air Freshener Gripe

Even though I haven't officially seen it, and although I am also a fan of Edward Norton's acting, the new Incredible Hulk Movie is sure to suck big green Incredible Hulk ass.

Yep, that's my prediction. How many times can they do Hulk movies? If the CG isn't over the top, the story line is always the same. Meek, mild mannered (perhaps even passive-aggressive) Dr. David Banner gets into a sticky situation because of his nosiness and then he gets beat upon, pissed off and turns into the Hulk, a giant green cretin who then goes on a rampage and destroys everything in sight.

Besides, no one can replace the original David Banner / Lou Ferrigno's team effort on The Incredible Hulk TV series from the 70's. Another Hulk movie just reeks. Nothing will cure that stench, not even the freshest potpourri or sprayable air freshener.

Which leads me to my next gripe...
You know those cans of air freshener aerosol or those plug-ins that are labeled as "Sea Breeze", "Rain" or "Spring Garden" scented? Well, when was the last time a waft of ocean air was all that refreshing? 1932 perhaps? I don't know if you live by an ocean, I do, and I have to say nowadays a hefty blast of ocean air smells more like lobster shit, dead fish, pirate booty (not the good kind), bad halitosis, and several ripe armpits. Now if they could can that then I might be a believer. Oh yeah, "Rain" never smells like nothing more than wet concrete for you urban dwelling peeps, and "Rain" will smell like overflowing septic tanks for you country folk. "Spring Garden"? That should smell more like dirt, rotting compost, and weed killer. Mmmmm, FRESH!



And how about those food scented fresheners? Y'know, Cupcake, Cinnamon, Apple Pie... WTF? If I wanted my car or my house to smell like food I'd just sprinkle some cinnamon on the carpet, maybe get some Taco Bell drive-thru and stink up my car with that greasy taco stench. I'm all for natural scents, like "Wet Dog", "Sweat", "Moldy Carpet", or "Water Treatment Plant".

Err, I guess that's not so natural, but it sure beats "Pirate Booty" and the Incredible Hulk's ass, if that's possible.

How to Get Revenge On Construction Workers

Ladies! Tired of getting squawked at when you walk by a construction site? Well now you can get your revenge...

Warning: Possibly NSFW

Chick Gets Revenge On Construction Workers - Watch more free videos



Ingredients:
1 part frustration
1 part attitude
1 part pre-op transexual

Enjoy!

Net Neutrality or Net Reality?

As supporters of net neutrality come up with new and improved ways to spread the word that includes everything from the net neutrality bill, the usual propaganda, petitions, guerilla marketing attempts and some other inventive ideas that simply verge on the absurd. Oh yes. Always be prepared for that.

Tania Derveaux is a prime example of the absurd step netizens have taken to save the internet. I'm only telling you because I care.

Tania professes on her web page, Don't Stay a Virgin;

I will make love with every virgin who defends the Internet.

The question is... How many virgins are on the internet? And how would one prove that any ordinary male is a virgin? Is there a litmus test for that? Is this a prank?
I'm sure there are plenty of horn-dogs just waiting to save the internet now. They are lined up around the block 100 times over!


"Skype me if you're horny."


This one's horny too.

Miss Derveaux’s way of limiting those queuing up to bonk her to a manageable number will definitely FAIL. And she knows it. She highly underestimates the number of virgins found on the net... or maybe she doesn't. This is a complete dichotomy.

No male can prove his virginity, not even if he meets the stereotype of a virgin and is a premature ejaculator or clumsy in bed, because 90% of men probably meet that criteria.

However, Miss Derveaux is obviously business savvy and a master manipulator. Getting hundreds if not thousands of pitiful men to sign up for the cause of net neutrality just so they may have a glimpse of Miss Derveaux's creamy thighs definitely works to her advantage and possibly ours as well...

The Japing Ape has a quaint story about her lurid technique to garner attention for the cause.

Well Tania's idea is all fine and good. I would like to point out if you are going to support net neutrality simply for sexual expression, the object of desire is more often than not pure eye candy, but in supporting the cause then be prepared to see just as much of the opposite too.



Be sure to get tested for a long list of STDs, Miss Derveaux.
This means you too, pervert. =)

Caption This Little Piece of Gorillasushi

My digital friend and fellow-blogger, Jason over at GorillaSushi.com hosted a Carnival of Captions on 5-29-08. Unfortunately, I was churning butter that day, so I missed out. But as I always say it's better to be fashionably late than never show up.

Claire at A Little Piece of Me participated and had a photo that just I couldn't resist captioning.

"Clearing a llama's nasal passages requires ALOT of sucking."

You can submit your own captioned photos to BlogCarnival.com, the submission deadline for the next upcoming contest is Jun 4, 2008 at 11pm.

I already have one in mind I am going to submit, as usual I pulled this one out of my ass. Now caption it!