9 Students to Save the World: No it's Not a Movie

Wed Feb 27, 2008 6:29 pm
Updated: Sun Jun 2, 2013 2:12 pm

Bovine Colons, Earth (Krapsody) - An article published in Technology News at The Engineer online claimed:

Nine students from the Tech-Israel Institute of Technology have developed a model spacecraft for deflecting objects falling from space. The model has been created in response to the asteroid Apophis which scientists believe will collide with Earth in 2036, and was presented at a competition of NASA and the American Institute of Aeronautics and Astronautics. [Read Full Story]

Hmmm, 2036? Huh, ok then.

That gives us 23 years to fret and worry about it or 23 years to Armaget-it-on.

We had a close one pass by us recently too, when "1998 QE2" (yes, that's what they named it. Cute and cuddly, ain't it?) came within 3.6 million miles of our planet. I thought I felt a light breeze that day, but thought nothing more of it. At least we didn't have to worry about it this time. There are other plans in development to use nuclear warheads to deflect other potentially dangerous space rocks mentioned here. What about 2036 again? Ah yes, the giant asteroid that could end us...

It's good to know somebody has a plan. Even if that plan ends up being, "place head between legs -- kiss ass goodbye". Maybe we can figure out a solution within that time. Lord knows we have enough people on the planet with their scheming little minds, and those little minds are akin to little gerbils running around on little wheels. And somewhere in all that clutter there might actually be a good plan.

However, in retrospect this all seems like a tragic waste of good airbags. Actual and literal airbags, not the people endorsing this project. You and I both know all these uber geeks are seeing is dollar signs in the form of more government grants given to similar projects of the useless.

Remember all the millions spent on studies to determine how cow farts and cow belches are affecting the ozone layer? It was determined that they were partly responsible for global warming.

What a waste. There's more methane hiding in fossil fuels and Honey Boo Boo Mama June's entire body.

And not to mention that it's also a waste of perfectly good nuclear warheads that could be used to blow the fecker into a trillion pieces... that would probably all strike the Earth afterwards. No easy solution that's for sure.

Y'know, it's funny, NASA awards student prizes all the time and sometimes makes them "honorary astronauts", just like when kids from school go on a field trip to the local police station they are made "honorary detectives". I have a giant asteroid up my ass. Can these nine brainiacs or NASA do anything about that? If they can, I could make them "honorary proctologists" which is better than "honorary assholes".

Something else I just realized, did anyone else notice that the abbreviation for Tech-Israel Institute of Technology is TIIT??

I'm thinkin' maybe we should divert the asteroid with one gigantic silicone breast implant or perhaps a giant trampoline. Put Pamela Anderson out there. How's that for a genius frickin' plan? I'm entertaining any other wild and fanciful ideas at this point.

But by then it will be too late, there will be nothing left worth saving. Just let it hit us, spare us from misery. Goodbye cruel world.