Five Facts About Sphincterology

Holden Caulfield might be the only one who thinks Sphincterology was a phony religion, but the rest of us know better. Holden was the first to admit he's the most terrific liar you ever saw in your life, so it's safe to assume that a lunatic confined in a psychiatric hospital with an unnamed diagnosis would know jack shit about Sphincterology, unless he was a psychiatrically disturbed, drug addicted En Ron Flubbard. Let's make sure that doesn't happen to you. Should you ever encounter any argumentative non-believers amongst you, here are five fast facts to add to your arsenal which will put heathens in their place.

9 Students to Save the World: No it's Not a Movie

Wed Feb 27, 2008 6:29 pm
Updated: Sun Jun 2, 2013 2:12 pm

Bovine Colons, Earth (Krapsody) - An article published in Technology News at The Engineer online claimed:

Nine students from the Tech-Israel Institute of Technology have developed a model spacecraft for deflecting objects falling from space. The model has been created in response to the asteroid Apophis which scientists believe will collide with Earth in 2036, and was presented at a competition of NASA and the American Institute of Aeronautics and Astronautics. [Read Full Story]

My Encounter With Bigfoot By Karl Childers

"Some folks call it a sling blade,
I reckon I call it a Kaiser blade.
Good for slicin' up bisquits
and French fried 'taters."

One time I's prowling in the wilderness, wandering about, kindly got lost and so weak and hungry I couldn't go. When it begin to get cool, I found a big cave and crawled backin there to get warm. Mm-hmm. Crawled back in and come upon a leaf bed and I dozed off to sleep.

I heard a nawful racket coming into that cave, and something come in and crawled right over me and laid down like a big old bear. It was a hairy thing and when it laid down it went chomp, chomp, chawing on something. I thought to myself, "I'll see what it is and find out what it is eating." Mm-hmm.

Institutions of Jocularity Part I

Fri Jan. 09, 2009

Dingleberry, USA (Krapsody) - Sphincterology, it's not just for assholes anymore. In my continuing effort to bring readers great things, I present you with the latest scoop on religious cults and their megalomaniacal leaders and sheep-like followers..damn you all.

April Fools Requires Disclaimer

Happy April Fools!
April Fools' Day has gotta be one of the best holidays. You get to play nasty pranks and practical jokes on people - and get away with it! It's one of my favorite holidays, but I bet you already knew that.

So let's commence the celebration and have a look at some great April Fool's Day hoaxes in history.

Man Flies By Own Lung Power
In 1934 many American newspapers, including The New York Times, printed a photograph of a man flying through the air by means of a device powered only by the breath from his lungs. Accompanying articles excitedly described this miraculous new invention. The man, identified as German pilot Erich Kocher, blew into a box on his chest. This activated rotors that created a powerful suction effect, lifting him aloft. Skis on his feet served as landing gear, and a tail fin allowed him to steer. What the American papers didn't realize was that the "lung-power motor" was a joke. The photo had first appeared in the April Fool's Day edition of the Berliner Illustrirte Zeitung. It made its way to America thanks to Hearst's International News Photo agency which not only fell for the hoax but also distributed it to all its U.S. subscribers. In the original Berliner Illustrirte Zeitung article, the pilot's name was spelled "Erich Koycher," which was a pun on the German word "keuchen," meaning to puff or wheeze.

Planetary Alignment Decreases Gravity
In 1976 the British astronomer Patrick Moore announced on BBC Radio 2 that at 9:47 AM a once-in-a-lifetime astronomical event was going to occur that listeners could experience in their very own homes. The planet Pluto would pass behind Jupiter, temporarily causing a gravitational alignment that would counteract and lessen the Earth's own gravity. Moore told his listeners that if they jumped in the air at the exact moment that this planetary alignment occurred, they would experience a strange floating sensation. When 9:47 AM arrived, BBC2 began to receive hundreds of phone calls from listeners claiming to have felt the sensation. One woman even reported that she and her eleven friends had risen from their chairs and floated around the room.

The Taco Liberty Bell
In 1996 the Taco Bell Corporation announced that it had bought the Liberty Bell and was renaming it the Taco Liberty Bell. Hundreds of outraged citizens called the National Historic Park in Philadelphia where the bell was housed to express their anger. Their nerves were only calmed when Taco Bell revealed, a few hours later, that it was all a practical joke. The best line of the day came when White House press secretary Mike McCurry was asked about the sale. Thinking on his feet, he responded that the Lincoln Memorial had also been sold. It would now be known as the Ford Lincoln Mercury Memorial.

UFO Lands in London
Branson's UFO Balloon On March 31, 1989 thousands of motorists driving on the highway outside London looked up in the air to see a glowing flying saucer descending on their city. Many of them pulled to the side of the road to watch the bizarre craft float through the air. The saucer finally landed in a field on the outskirts of London where local residents immediately called the police to warn them of an alien invasion. Soon the police arrived on the scene, and one brave officer approached the craft with his truncheon extended before him. When a door in the craft popped open, and a small, silver-suited figure emerged, the policeman ran in the opposite direction. The saucer turned out to be a hot-air balloon that had been specially built to look like a UFO by Richard Branson, the 36-year-old chairman of Virgin Records. The stunt combined his passion for ballooning with his love of pranks. His plan was to land the craft in London's Hyde Park on April 1. Unfortunately, the wind blew him off course, and he was forced to land a day early in the wrong location.

The Eruption of Mount Edgecumbe
In 1974 residents of Sitka, Alaska were alarmed when the long-dormant volcano neighboring them, Mount Edgecumbe, suddenly began to belch out billows of black smoke. People spilled out of their homes onto the streets to gaze up at the volcano, terrified that it was active again and might soon erupt. Luckily it turned out that man, not nature, was responsible for the smoke. A local practical joker named Porky Bickar had flown hundreds of old tires into the volcano's crater and then lit them on fire, all in a (successful) attempt to fool the city dwellers into believing that the volcano was stirring to life. According to local legend, when Mount St. Helens erupted six years later, a Sitka resident wrote to Bickar to tell him, "This time you've gone too far!"

These are mere examples of April's Fools Day public nuisances. There's plenty more to read about in the Top 100 April Fool's Day Hoaxes Of All Time.

I'd also like to point out that today I have updated the Krapsody Disclaimer to include information for those netizens who may have read it before, but may need a refresher and for you, yes you, who probably haven't read it yet.

This is not a hoax or a practical joke. It appears a few monstrously lascivious malefactors and malingering, small-minded curses on society have actually carried out my advice to cover themselves in honey and headbutt a beehive and then attempt to molest peg-legged sailors. There is nothing I'd like more than for them to continue that actually. But at the advice of their lawyers (since I cannot afford my own, one of them showed up on my doorstep the other day, an indescribably uncivilized dreck and a demented, disease-ridden gruesome vista to all eyes assaulted by the sight of him, just as most lawyers are) I now have to make sure that I post a Disclaimer available in plain sight so all the sue happy gits don't get their latex shorts all up in a twist and wind up putting me in the poor house for their poor judgement. I mean the poorer poor house, since I'm already poor. Would that be the dog house?

Anyway, you can find the Disclaimer link at the bottom of the page... what am I saying? I know you're all too lazy for that. Clinkity click on the Disclaimer seal below and have a thorough read or I will have all of New York city's foul taxi-drivers squat in your beds. As I said this is not a hoax or a practical joke, no it's not, please don't make me repeat myself. Thank you. Until next time, go, begone! Be a crash test dummy with no helmet, go where no-one has ever been before - and stay there. I mean here!

Full Disclaimer and User Agreement can be read by clicking here.

UFO's, Monsters and Little Green Men from Mars

Do you believe we are not alone in the universe?
Referring to the recent UFO sightings that put Stephenville, TX on the map and the figure on Mars photo reports that spurred re-newed interest in that question on the existence of aliens.

My question is why do these aliens often always seem to find the lowest common denominator to appear to? It's like the folks that claim they've seen a "flying saucer" are usually the least credible sources you could find on our planet.

Like these nuts here at StopAlienAbductions.com

IF YOU ARE ABDUCTED BY ALIENS THE HELMET WILL WORK FOR YOU

ALIEN ABDUCTEE FROM KENTUCKY WEARING A THOUGHT SCREEN HELMET

"Since trying Michael Menkin's Helmet, I have not been bothered by alien mind control. Now my thoughts are my own. I have achieved meaningful work and am contributing to society.

My life is better than ever before. Thank you Michael for the work you are doing to save all humanity."

or David Icke. At the heart of Icke's theories is the view that the world is ruled by a secret group called the "Global Elite" or "Illuminati," which he has linked to The Protocols of the Elders of Zion, an anti-Semitic hoax. In 1999, he published The Biggest Secret, in which he wrote that the Illuminati are a race of reptilian humanoids from outer space known as "the Babylonian Brotherhood", and that many prominent figures are reptilian, including George W. Bush, Queen Elizabeth II, Kris Kristofferson, and Boxcar Willie.

Well, this theory may explain why Bush is such a snake in the grass and why Kris Kristofferson wrote such horrible songs.

Is this the media's way of making the idea seem ludicrous or is it the alien's way of ensuring that no one believes in them? After all alot of abductees claim amongst other things, but most notably, they were anal-probed. Hmmm, if this is true, then why do they travel all that way just to look up some idiot's butt?

Anyway, back to that image on Mars, is it really proof of little green men?

The amazing pictures seem to prove something peeps have suspected for years - there's life on Mars. YES! NASA's Mars Explorer Spirit transmitted several images from the surface of the Red Planet four years ago. One of which having been enlarged, cleaned up, examined and scrutinized by the mentally ill shows an image that resembles a humanoid figure.

See for yourself.



After intense scrutiny, pictures that might be/could be/possibly be (if you squint and are drunk) resemble a living being have finally been found. An amateur astronomer commented: "As far as I'm concerned, this is proof. What else could it be but a human-like creature?"

It could be a pile of rocks. Perhaps a large specimen of petrified martian shit left untouched for a millennia. But I think the image bears an uncanny resemblance to something else.



It's sasquatch on Mars! Let's go mess with him.

Mars Rover Returns Photo of Martian Billboard

In response to Comedy Central's billboard guerrilla marketing, the red planet has it's own.










INSTANT UPDATE: Carol Channing volunteers for martian marketing campaign to hit planet earth soon!