The Psychedelic Voodoo Lounge On Acid

"Turn On, Tune In, Drop Veg Out" man.

People come to Krapsody for strange facts, weird tidbits and useless information. And so here's a bit more of that for ya.

TIRED OF THE SAME OLD BORING FURNISHINGS?

You are in luck friends. Thanks to Darkroastedblend.com who compiled all the oddities the furniture making world has to offer, now you too can have a Meat Mirror!

Mirror, mirror on the wall. Who's the meatiest of them all? Mmm, STEAKY. I like mine medium rare to well done with a side of mashed potates and gravy and wow suddenly I am like getting hungry and stuff.




OR how about that Armadillo Shell Lamp you've always wanted?



That's like a gag gift you give to your in-laws who have all that cheesy southwestern decor in their home. But then they love your gift so much they encourage all those cheesy friends of theirs that live on their block who have the same exact decor to buy one too.

Which leads me to present... the Cactus Couch! You just can't beat this prickly addition in your livingroom for those quiet cozy evenings at home in front of the fire or the t.v. set. Comes with a handy first aid kit. Can you say, "pass the tweezers, please"?




(This should be your in-law back up gag gift).


Not weird enough? How about these then.

You know you really have to have a sense of humor to own the table that looks like it's answering the call of mother nature on your floor.


If you have your living space covered then how about a new bathroom fixture?





I've always wanted that uncomfortable "feel like I'm being watched while I take a dump" sensation. Thanks to the manufacturer of this modern miracle now I can.

I just shat 20 goldfish. Hmm... wonder how THAT happened.

And if you're homeless, I'm sorry but there are no psychedelic boxes to choose from yet. But I'm sure the distributors of these fine articles may go that route when they start shipping these out in mass quantities (which will likely be never). But if you're homeless you probably don't have a computer, so you won't read this and consequently aren't missing out on anything.


 Let me leave you all with a psychesqualidelic song.

Edit: Song credit 'Purple Veins' by The Jimi Homeless Experience

Your Dream Job is Awaiting You - You Asshat

Want a cush consulting job in information technology? Well wait no longer. If your dream job is in the field of I.T. consulting then all you need is a clip-on tie and a rudimentary understanding of the dangers of fire; "fire bad - computers good." If you can make hand tools with flint rock you are in like Flynn, you furrow browed neanderthal.

Just be sure to plug-in that desktop system whilst standing in a bucket of water you slobbering halfwit. Before you say, c'mon now.. that's not true, that can't be true. No one's that f*cking stupid. Invariably, first person detection of third person f*cktardation is almost always immediately followed by denial, often verbally expressed, especially in the form,
"No one's THAT f*cking stupid."

I say, YES, yes they are. I've dealt with them. I digress.

Want a second opinion? Just ask Mark of Neonbubble.com for examples on exactly how stupid an I.T. consultant can be. Be sure to put in your applications if your IQ is 60 or under.

All I can say is, holy shit. If I didn't know any better I'd say that the I.T. employee Mark works with is employed by the federal or state government here in the states, or possibly the IRS. How do these techtards get these jobs? Did McDonald's fire them because they couldn't figure out how the register works and so then I.T. consulting companies pick these stupes up off the curb? Completely mind-blowing.


Stumbled it (how could I not?) :)

Beasts of Burden

Take a moment and inhale a deep breath. Pictured below are two dolphins. Briefly look at the image and determine your stress level according to the indicator located below the photo.

If you can see both dolphins, then your stress level is within the acceptable range.

If you see anything other than two dolphins, like two star-nosed moles mating with an elephant shrew, a pack of alaskan minks, three dozen flying fish - two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree... then you are either extremely stressed out, on drugs and experiencing hallucinations or you are stark raving mad and in any event you need to take a day off from work.

Do it. Do it now or see if anyone gives a shit if you continue to jam miniature marshmallows up your nose and sneeze them out. While you are at it... see how many you can do at a time and if anyone interrupts by telling you to "have a nice day" or "maybe you need to take some time off", tell them you have other plans.

This serene stress level test makes me recall a news article at CNN regarding
Two teenage girls who decided to test 60 samples of seafood. Their tests determined that sushi lovers aren't always getting what they ordered.

[The test [sic] results showed that 25 percent of the girls' samples were mislabeled: half of the restaurant samples and six out of 10 grocery store samples.

In every case, less desirable or cheaper fish was substituted for its more expensive counterpart...]

Hmm, SHOCKING! Not really. Not when you consider that McDonald's beef is a combination of rat and kangaroo meat. True story. I always assumed sushi was simply diced-up dolphins that did not make it through tuna fisher's nets. And as far as McDonald's Filet-O-Fish® is concerned, well I think we can safely say that is where Flipper ended up after his television series flopped (no pun intended).

I hate to think what is in a McChicken sandwich...

Famous Farts in Sports

All this hype over the Olympics has me cringing like a hair metal lover at a Miley Cyrus concert. But, thankfully there are some events that can be more enjoyable because of 1) little girls lip synching krappy songs, 2) female volleyball players (and the political figureheads who slap their butts), 3) the amount of epic fail recorded for history's sake to laugh at.

And of course, 4) farting athletes. I wonder who the current contenders for best farter will be in the 2008 Olympics. Will they outdo Peter Johannson from the 1952 games? I think not.

You think that extra-inch was the result of cabbage and beans for breakfast, and did it give him an "unfair edge" in the high jump?

Thanks to AtomicWedgieTV.com

Static's World Domination Plan: Awards and Merits

As I watched someone trip over a gummy bear and fall, I rubbed my fingers together all giddily and whispered, "Excellent... everything is going as planned as in my... plan... plan B!"

Then I started chuckling, and when I couldn't hold in my perverse joy any longer, I laughed out loud, "Muahahahaha!!!" Plan B has started. I will rule the world and no one is going to stop ME!

kekekeke!
"Hey! Get back to work, what are you doing giggling like a little girl?" -boss.
Oh, right. O_o. *sighs* Damn.

This has been a long time coming. THE KRAPSODY BLOG! - New and improved like botox injections in your arse!(I mean your face) Hey, I am actually popular for once in my life!

Weird isn't it?
It's not like this blog sucks is well written (it is), really funny (it is), written by a genius (it is), or deserves a Nobel Peace Prize (it does).

Enough about me. This is all about the awards and recognition I have received in the past few weeks. So this really is about me after all. Never mind. Let's get on with it, shall we?

__________

The Angry Clown has bestowed me with the Hell Award for Evilness. Edit: Incidentally, I am also a co-author on the site.

According to Angry Clown creator, Damian;

Everyone is making there own awards so i thought i will make one for evilness I haven't seen any around for it and as everybody knows you don't get awarded enough for badness these days, so here it is.
There are only 5 rules you must follow if you win this prize:

1. You have to show the link of the blog/s that awarded you the HELL AWARD.
   
2. You must award this prize to at least 3 other blogs and show there links and names.
3. The award must be linked back to ANGRY CLOWN
4. All awards must be deserved.
5. The rules must be shown with the award.

The names of the thirdysecondlyfirst winning blogs EVAR are...

1. : Qelqoth from The Cult of Qelqoth if anyone deserves the Hell Award it would be TCOQ very funny reading and lots of useful info on gardening!
   
2. : Jeff Mann from Not What It Used To Be an awesomely entertaining newer blog started in June 2008 about Jeff Mann's musings on the krapness of modern life with a dash of rosemary from Qelqoth's garden!
   
3. : Julius Bloop from Julius Bloop - Comedy for Weirdos I've been a long time fan of this comedy randomness blog. And Jolene Bloop is hot!
   
4. : Ms. Orange Derange from Orange Derange Pronunced: ˈo-ren-jē di-ren-jē. It's one of the best blogs about celebrities and general observational humor I've seen around. Ms. Derange is one talented girl (and hot... hot as a HELL AWARD). Check it out.
   

(If your worried about this being a "meme" then you would be right but thats all part of being eviiiillllll)

__________

Additionally, Lord Likely of The Astonishing Adventures of Lord Likely also presented me with an award recently, The Golden Cock of Excellence Award! BEHOLD it's excellence!


Note: not actual size

Many thanks to Lord Likely for even considering this flophouse for such as esteemed honor. If his Lordship and his fandom would care to stop in, I would offer them the best room in the house. The one without all the rats and stained mattresses. So thank you Lord Likely for presenting us your spurting likeness!


__________
And speaking of spurting, Ms. Oranged Deranged made a fantastic video for me! I created the music from some samples that I remixed aeons ago, and she came up with the animation. We plan on doing a version in the very near future that will be even better than this one (if that is possible), so stay tuned for that!

Deconstructing ~Static~ Brainstorming Session #2

WORK IN PROGRESS (WIP)

Deconstructing ~Static~ Brainstorming Session #2, rough draft #2

Original music by ~Static~ http://krapsody.blogspot.com/

produced and animated at ~Static~'s School of Disembodied Poetics, University of Antarctica.


__________
My long time friends Matthias, The Boy David, Sir Paul of The Arnoldover and sometimes Lord Nevets over at The Snot... The UK's Premier Twisted Satire Source (it's all about the hype y'know) dropped me a line recently that The Snot is back once again! If you didn't know already The Snot is a British satirical website that first surfaced in 2001. The site gained notoriety for being offensive and often containing libelous material. One of the sites best loved features were the 'reporters', whose names were spoonerisms. (Google it)



They went offline in 2006 for nearly two years, if I remember correctly (my memory is horrid; especially when I've been huffing kittens). However, in March 2008, it was decided that The Snot should live again, albeit in simplified and slightly toned down form.
And I am honored that they contacted 'lil ol' me to spread the word. So werd up to yo muthas; yo!


__________
And finally, Chelle B of Offended Blogger added me to a new blog community
Humor Bloggers dot com the #1 social community for humor bloggers and the best directory of humor blogs on the net. A collaborative effort between her, Don "It's a Funny Thing" Lewis and Bee of the infamously funny Bee's Musings.



I feel honored to be a part of their site and hope you will pay them a visit and me some respect by hitting my links at least a thousand times this week. Bettah recognize biatches.
I thank you! I thank you all for being so kind, and gentle (be gentle). Insert more gratuitous and surreal compliments here.

~Static