My Encounter With Bigfoot By Karl Childers

"Some folks call it a sling blade,
I reckon I call it a Kaiser blade.
Good for slicin' up bisquits
and French fried 'taters."

One time I's prowling in the wilderness, wandering about, kindly got lost and so weak and hungry I couldn't go. When it begin to get cool, I found a big cave and crawled backin there to get warm. Mm-hmm. Crawled back in and come upon a leaf bed and I dozed off to sleep.

I heard a nawful racket coming into that cave, and something come in and crawled right over me and laid down like a big old bear. It was a hairy thing and when it laid down it went chomp, chomp, chawing on something. I thought to myself, "I'll see what it is and find out what it is eating." Mm-hmm.

Wildest God of Metal Behind Bars of Metal, Coincidence?

Sat. March 12, 2011

Salisbury Steak Dinner, UK (Krapsody) - Paul Di'Anno, ex-heavy metal singer for the band Iron Maiden, in a twist of fate has been jailed for fraud. Di'Anno had been illegally collecting income support, housing benefit and council tax handouts between 2002 and 2008 while he toured and lived abroad. Di'Anno's autobiography, The Beast, refers to him as the "wildest man in rock". Critics may now call him the "most wanted man in rock".

Oh, dear. A sad day indeed. Welcome to the "Twilight Zone". It doesn't appear that this will be a case of "Innocent Exile", nor "Sanctuary" for Mr. Di'Anno (this news comes during "The Ides of March" coincidentally).

Hanukkah Ham

Dear Walmart,

Thank you for this bountiful gift. But, oy vey!
It takes a lot of chutzpah to be such a schmuck.
Meshuganah!

Mazel tov,

The Jews

When Sailing The Sea Of Memes, Beware of Shark-Cat

Da dum. Da dum. Da dum dum dum dum dum dum dum! Oh noes, cat-shark..shark-cat!! iz gunna git meeee!!1

Muthaf***in' Crocodiles on a Muthaf***in' Plane

Sun Oct 24, 2010 8:14 pm ET

Chicago, IL (Krapsody) - A crocodile hidden in a passenger's bag onboard a plane escaped prompting FBI agent Neville Flynn to say, "Enough is enough! I have had it with these muthafuckin' crocodiles on this muthafuckin' plane! Everybody strap in, Imma 'bout to open some windows," which he did, causing the plane to crash and kill 19 passengers during a flight over Chicago. Ironically the crocodile survived the crash but was killed moments later when a gust of wind hurtled it towards the Superman: Ultimate Flight ride at Six Flags Great America. Breaking it's neck on impact with the twisted steel track, it probably goes without saying that the croc found out what it’s like to fly like the one-and-only Superman.

I Saw Her Again Last Night

"I Saw Her Again Last Night," the famous song by the Mamas and the Papas. Bet you didn't know the real meaning behind it...did ya? And you thought news of the weird couldn't get any MORE weird.

note: No animals, persons, or piles of vomit were harmed in the making of this article and video. However as always - Viewer Discretion is Advised.

Yes, dear readers Mackenzie Phillips recently admitted to being raped and then engaging in an incestuous relationship with her father, Mamas and the Papas founder, John Phillips, for TEN years...starting at the age of 19.

If you're unfamiliar with Mackenzie Phillips, she co-starred on the television show One Day At A Time alongside Valerie Bertinelli.

Mackenzie revealed the bombshell on what else, but The Oprah Winfrey Show (the place to make such revelations naturally,) the news coincides with the release of her book, High On Arrival.

So the question remains, is it true, or is it some kind of marketing stunt?
Or is she mistaken...and it's some kind of marketing stunt?

Either way, there appears to be some skeletons in her closet. And it's a brilliant marketing stunt. If her statement and recollection of the event(s) are true, I find it to be the most disgusting and horrible thing I've ever heard...other than hearing that there was a heartfelt tribute to Dirty Dancing on Dancing With The Stars last Wednesday.



Your place or mine? Shame on John Phillips. Raping your own daughter? When she's passed out?

That's only something I would have expected creepy pedophile apartment maintenance guy, Schneider, to be capable of doing..after getting both girls drunk and slipping them GHB.

In High On Arrival, Mackenzie discloses that her dad John Phillips drugged and raped her on the eve of her wedding to Jeff Sessler. At the time, Sessler was a member of the Rolling Stones’ entourage. John Phillips passed away in 2001.

Mackenzie said John and herself were pumped full of drugs when she woke up to realize her father was pumping her. And if THAT isn't BAD ENOUGH, according to Mackenzie..she became a willing partner in the incestuous relationship much later.

Um...EW? HORRIFYING!

Additionally, Mackenzie Phillips has had a long history with drug abuse.
Papa Phillips shot the girl up for her first time. And she states she first tried cocaine when she was 11.

Another creepy old pervert, Mick Jagger, once had a close encounter with Phillips when she was 18. Jagger went into her room and locked the door. Jagger told her he had been waiting for that moment since she was 10 years old!

Mick stripped off his skin tight cat suit, bent over, and with lips so big he can play a tuba..from either end..demanded she snort cocaine off his taint, and mount him just like David Bowie did back in the day.

It's all true.

Also, this bombshell comes after Phillips was charged with two felonies last year on August 27, 2008 stemming from her arrest at LAX while on her way to a sitcom reunion in New York. Several baggies of cocaine and heroin fell out of her pants while going through airport security.

She was charged with one count of felony possession of cocaine and another for possession of heroin. The DA tacked on a misdemeanor charge of unauthorized possession of a hypodermic needle or syringe...just for kicks. I hope she has fully kicked the habit and gets some much needed therapy.


Upon hearing about her frightfully sick relationship with her father, this was my reaction...

video link for those who have flash disabled:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VKac8r794OY


If I may be candid, after hearing about this twisted story...even after seeing The Exorcist as a kid and being scared shitless with all the gross vomit scenes in that flick...I don't like bringing this up...but, I now suffer from emetophobia.

Yes, an EMT with emetophobia (not scatophobia, or even worse, hemophobia...but emetophobia..and now I'm also experiencing bouts of Phillipsophobia - the abnormal and/or irrational fear of hearing about incestuous relationships within the Phillips and other celebrity families.)

It's going to take years of therapy for me to get over this. I think I'm gonna sue.

Wanna know why I have emetophobia? What's soft and warm when you go to bed but hard and stiff when you get up? VOMIT.

Any questions?!

Krapsody's Nottie of The Week™ #6!

"Well I don't mind stealing bread
From the mouths of decadents
But I can't feed on the powerless
When my cup's already overfilled

Yeah
But it's on the table
The fire's cooking
And they're farming babies
The slaves are all working

Blood is on the table
The mouths are all choking
But I'm goin' hungry
Yeah"

- excerpt from song "Hunger Strike"
by Temple of the Dog

Octomom? Octopussy? OCTONAUT. Whatever you want to call Nadya Suleman, this is all I know. Nadya, I see your face when I am dreaming. That's why from the day I saw your face I always wake up screaming.

Just for kicks folks, how about we do a bit of a role-play. I'll be the doctor, and you be the patient..or if ya really wanna get kinky, I could be Nadya Suleman and you could inseminate this test tube for me for 20 more screaming babies!

I imagine that Nadya in the near future will be placing a personal ad looking for Mr. Right (Mr. Stupid) and looking for love in all the wrong places. Well, "wooking por nub"..might look like this.




"What human in this planet is capable of taking care of 14 independently without support from family, from friends, from church? No human is!" Suleman was quoted as saying..unless they're unemployed and receiving help from the government to flip the bill to the tune of at least $1.5M, that's how. Riiight. And there are thousands of people who have recently lost their jobs, their homes, and are glad or lucky to have a bowl of warm gruel from a local shelter to feed their children with.

Having had three miscarriages before she attempted in vitro fertilization she must not have heard God correctly. Suleman stated her biological decisions were a "gamble" she was willing to take. You can't put the toothpaste back in the tube on this one.

These 14 children are going to need MORE than a village to help raise them.

Suleman's mother Angela has been housing and supporting her daughter Nadya and her six grandchildren by a previous in vitro fertilization procedure in a "cramped" living arrangement for years. All the while not seeing a dime of Nadya's more than $167,000 settlement on a worker's comp claim, after she was injured in 1999 while employed as a psychiatric technician at a state mental hospital.

Finally, comparisons to Angelina Jolie? Really? I think not. Maybe she wishes that, maybe others are making that comparison. She certainly seems to have had some cosmetic surgery done as shown in this photo of her prior to this latest IVF (in vitro Whaddevadafuck!) Angelina is reportedly "totally creeped out" by the woman.

Geez guys, I can only wish Nadya the best of luck, she's gonna need it considering the cost of raising 14 kids, that is if she intends to return to work...at least part-time to help financially support them. Or she could farm babies and sell them on the black market. Maybe Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie could adopt a few of them to help out?

Of course, there are offers for book deals and business proposals like television programs, but Suleman has not decided on any one project yet. Must be nice to have those options, considering the reasons for her fame.

Well, most people's preconceived idea of fame is that it must be great, but I should think fame, especially that particular kind of fame, most people really would not want. Unless they are insane in the membrane. What. Don't you know Nadya's loco?

Despite this stigma that will likely follow this woman the rest of her days, possibly for her children as well..her current plans are to continue pursuing a master's degree in counseling at California State University at Fullerton, but it seems apparent to me that she needs to be the one seeking counseling. She's literally, quite MAD.

To make matters worse, it makes me ashamed that this 33 year-old person is a representative of Generation-X, my generation. I'm only four years older than this baby-making machine and I have not one single child (to the best of my knowledge.) Uggh, how scary would that be? Her attachment to my generation just adds to the whole negative connotations of people in the 28 to 48 year-old age group.

But in all the mess, it's the children I feel most for here.
Their innocence will be tainted by this media circus and the mere fact their mother is stark raving mad. Imagine future job interviews for one of these kids.

"Name?"

"Suleman, sir/ma'am. Jonah Suleman."

"Oh, I see. Say, you're one of the Octomom's test-tube offspring aren't ya boy?"

"Um, yeah."

"NEXT!"

You know I really do detest feeling cynical, but it's people with this kind of thinking that is ruining the planet. This is clearly a case of the stupid getting rewarded for their asinine behaviors.

I just hope the stupid stop breeding and popping out babies like Pez dispensers long enough for the intelligent people to catch up in numbers. But I suppose that's never gonna happen when the ignorant don't even realize that birth control exists yet, or if they do, they consider it "unnatural" and a "sin."

Mmkay. So...how do I follow that up?

See ya whenever I have an article that tops this one.

  

The Big Sleep Doesn't Include Getting Any Z's

"I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter." - Sir Winston Churchill

I always end up having a wealth of useless information at my disposal. I am quite thorough and meticulous in learning new things. It's a compulsion I suppose, so I end up with tons of trivial information in my head as a result.

It sometimes makes for great conversation if you end up finding someone who has the same interests. Some people are amazed, like, "how do you know that?" to which I respond, "I have a wealth of useless information right here (pointing to my head.)"

To others I'm sure it's annoying. Like a mosquito buzzing in your ear, or an itch you can't scratch. Well, tough titty said the kitty.

Even when I get bored, but especially when I do get bored, I continue the quest for interesting information (useless of course), so I routinely end up face to face with internet memes. It's a curse I tells ya. A CURSE!

Want to know what kinds of death and destruction occurred on your birth date? It's pretty shocking. And all this time I thought my birthday was boring except that it's John The Baptist's birthday celebration for the Catholic church. Interestingly enough, this may explain why I have the overwhelming urge to drown people. Especially when they are annoying me.

In speaking of Jesus, John said: 

"I have baptized you with water, but he will baptize you with the holy spirit.
Behold the Lamb of Gawd."

Praise Jeebus! Sorry a bit off-topic there. Nothing new right?

Back to my point of providing you with utterly useless information.






Approximately 131,581 people died worldwide on June 24, 1971.

131,581 People

Unusual Deaths in 1971

* Jerome Irving Rodale, an american pioneer of organic farming, died of a heart attack while being interviewed on the Dick Cavett Show. According to urban legend, when he appeared to fall asleep, Cavett quipped "are we boring you, Mr. Rodale?", which Cavett has recently stated in a may 2007 new york times article was incorrect - the initial reaction to Rodale was fellow guest Pete Hamill noticing something was wrong, and saying in a low voice to Cavett, "this looks bad." The show was never broadcast.

Natural disasters in 1971

* 1971 San Fernando earthquake
* 1971 Canberra flood
* 1971 Kuala Lumpur floods

People who died on June 24 (various years)

* 2007 - Natasja Saad, Danish reggae and dancehall artist
* 2007 - Derek Dougan, Northern Irish footballer
* 2007 - Chris Benoit, Canadian professional wrestler
* 2007 - Byron Baer, American politician
* 2006 - Patsy Ramsey, mother of JonBenét Ramsey
* 2005 - Hakham Yedidia Shofet, Former chief rabbi of Iran
* 2005 - Paul Winchell, American voice actor and ventriloquist
* 2004 - Ifigeneia Giannopoulou, Greek songwriter
* 2003 - Vladimir Garin, Russian actor
* 2002 - Pierre Werner, Prime Minister of Luxembourg
* 2000 - David Tomlinson, English actor
* 2000 - Vera Atkins, Romanian-born British intelligence officer
* 1997 - Brian Keith, American actor
* 1997 - Don Hutson, American athlete
* 1993 - Archie Williams, American athlete
* 1991 - Rufino Tamayo, Mexican painter.
* 1987 - Jackie Gleason, American actor and musician
* 1984 - Clarence Campbell, Canadian NHL president
* 1978 - Robert Charroux, French writer
* 1977 - André-Gilles Fortin, French Canadian politician
* 1968 - Tony Hancock, British comedian
* 1947 - Emil Seidel, Mayor of Milwaukee, Wisconsin
* 1935 - Carlos Gardel, Argentine singer (airplane crash)
* 1922 - Walther Rathenau, German Minister of Foreign Affairs (assassinated)
* 1909 - Sarah Orne Jewett, American writer
* 1908 - Grover Cleveland, President of the United States (heart failure)
* 1894 - Marie François Sadi Carnot, French statesman
* 1835 - Andreas Vokos Miaoulis, Greek admiral and politician, commander of Greek naval forces in Greek War of Independence
* 1817 - Thomas McKean, American lawyer and signer of the Declaration of Independence
* 1803 - Matthew Thornton, American signer of the Declaration of Independence
* 1778 - Pieter Burmann the Younger, Dutch philologist
* 1766 - Adrien-Maurice, 3rd duc de Noailles, French soldier
* 1643 - John Hampden, English politician
* 1637 - Nicolas-Claude Fabri de Peiresc, French astronomer
* 1604 - Edward de Vere, 17th Earl of Oxford, Lord Great Chamberlain of England
* 1520 - Hosokawa Sumimoto, Japanese samurai commander
* 1519 - Lucrezia Borgia, Duchess of Ferrara
* 1439 - Duke Frederick IV of Austria
* 1398 - Hongwu Emperor of China
* 803 - Higbald of Lindisfarne



Who would have known all of that?
I hate to sound morbid again in this post. It's not like I'm a total goth like this dude:

it's true Glenn Danzig shits bats!!!!!!

However, experiencing death once again in my life leads me to ponder my own mortality. I don't know about you, but I want to go out with a bang!

Maybe I'll kick the bucket on YOUR birthday...but don't count on it anytime soon.

What's your Death Report?

LOL

Rarely are things so ridiculously funny that I entitle a blog article with an internet euphemism..okay, not entirely true, actually none of the above is true, but LOL does describe this video I came across. And of course, at Krapsody I pass teh lulz on to you.

Courtesy: Waverly Films


Check 'em out, you won't be disappointed. I subscribed to their YouTube Channel months ago and they have regular insane video submissions that are quite hilarious. If you like their stuff subscribe to them, sign up for their feed, send them a billion dollars. What better cause to support in the bail-out plan?

Bad Holiday Theme Campaigns

This is a story about the ACCCE's Magical Mystery Carbon Storage Adventure! and their Bad Holiday Campaign to promote "clean coal."

ACCCE in recent years has spread its falsehoods on TV, radio, and in print, often spending millions. In 2008, ACCCE’s clean coal campaign reportedly had $50 million to spend on pro-coal, anti-climate initiatives.

And this is the shit they spent it on.

The Psychedelic Voodoo Lounge On Acid

"Turn On, Tune In, Drop Veg Out" man.

People come to Krapsody for strange facts, weird tidbits and useless information. And so here's a bit more of that for ya.

TIRED OF THE SAME OLD BORING FURNISHINGS?

You are in luck friends. Thanks to Darkroastedblend.com who compiled all the oddities the furniture making world has to offer, now you too can have a Meat Mirror!

Mirror, mirror on the wall. Who's the meatiest of them all? Mmm, STEAKY. I like mine medium rare to well done with a side of mashed potates and gravy and wow suddenly I am like getting hungry and stuff.




OR how about that Armadillo Shell Lamp you've always wanted?



That's like a gag gift you give to your in-laws who have all that cheesy southwestern decor in their home. But then they love your gift so much they encourage all those cheesy friends of theirs that live on their block who have the same exact decor to buy one too.

Which leads me to present... the Cactus Couch! You just can't beat this prickly addition in your livingroom for those quiet cozy evenings at home in front of the fire or the t.v. set. Comes with a handy first aid kit. Can you say, "pass the tweezers, please"?




(This should be your in-law back up gag gift).


Not weird enough? How about these then.

You know you really have to have a sense of humor to own the table that looks like it's answering the call of mother nature on your floor.


If you have your living space covered then how about a new bathroom fixture?





I've always wanted that uncomfortable "feel like I'm being watched while I take a dump" sensation. Thanks to the manufacturer of this modern miracle now I can.

I just shat 20 goldfish. Hmm... wonder how THAT happened.

And if you're homeless, I'm sorry but there are no psychedelic boxes to choose from yet. But I'm sure the distributors of these fine articles may go that route when they start shipping these out in mass quantities (which will likely be never). But if you're homeless you probably don't have a computer, so you won't read this and consequently aren't missing out on anything.


 Let me leave you all with a psychesqualidelic song.

Edit: Song credit 'Purple Veins' by The Jimi Homeless Experience

Honorificabilitudinitatibus Chompers

Hey! Into body modifications like nipple removal? Well then, if eyeball tattooing wasn't enough how about.. tooth tattoos? That's right. A trip to the dentist can win you a set of chompers straight out of a biker's fantasy... an alcohol, LSD and methamphetamine fantasy possibly, like a Hunter S. Thompson orgy with a sea of half-baked, half-naked jester friends being pinged out of their brains. Copping some hugs, and exchanging "I love you man(s)" and some other hollow well-wishes of loved-up jibberish and general circus-styled freaky shit.

Tooth tattooing slated by The Guardian as 'the next phase of expressive self-harm', the tooth tattoos created by the Heward Dental Lab have attracted global interest since their website, www.toothartist.com, went online earlier this year. Click here for more on Tooth Tattoos.

Does the concept remind anyone else of 'Marathon Man'?
So emm, heck, why not just let the ones you have rot a bit and then get a set of caps with the lastest tramp stamp on them. I think I may have all of mine pulled and have spikes implanted in their place.


MMM, MEAT!


Anyway, enough about me.
I especially liked the 'David Letterman' one.

It just screams LULZ! Doesn't it?




A bit of advice: Bad caps? Don't do it.



So head on down to the Heward Dental Lab, get shot up with some novocaine, toss back a few dozen kamikaze shots and let the teeth artistes bang away on your gums with a sledgehammer and chisel, then come back and give us a smile with your new pearly... um, whites?!

Krapsody's own critic, err I mean, kritic - Ernst ze Provocateur, had this to say about the dental delineations;

"Zis idea ands ze artwork submitted iz shit. Perhaps I would have a picture uv myself tattooed upon my teeth but zen again, zat would alzo be shit. You can't cover up ze stink uv shit wiz a can uv Sea Breeze air freshner. No?... Yes."

freedom fries bitches!

p.s. wondering what the hell honorificabilitudinitatibus means? Click here for an explanation. I was going to go with supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, which is defined as "what you say when you don't know what to say"; a nonsense word used in the film Mary Poppins that is used to describe the longest word. But that would have just been absurd...