It's that time again, I know these articles in particular give you that warm fuzzy feeling inside. Continue reading this trash if you like to throw up a little in your mouth.
This installment of Nottie of the Week™ is all about me. Yes, yours truly has decided after my last post that I really need to get murdered by some skank pushed to the edge of a psychotic break, by being stranded in a trailer in the middle of Nowheresville for over a year without any other human contact but on internet forums and social networking sites like Twitter.
The only problem I am facing with all this is what picture of myself should I include in my ad.
Please review the following photos I have at my disposal, and let me know which one(s) you think are my best (worst).
Might I also add that I've painstakingly chosen from literally hundreds of potential displays of my handsome mug for all to gaze upon. So be sure to thoroughly examine them before making your decision.
Photo One:
A dashing photo of myself taken at the Hamptons. Look at my tremendous physique and what a marvelous tan I have in this photo. I was especially thrilled that I could find a thong bikini that matched my socks.
Photo Two:
Opting for a more pious role. I thought a pose of myself in more chaste attire may be better suited for attracting a schizophrenic religious extremist, or possibly a nun.
Photo Three:
Then again, being the selective individual that I am, maybe a better approach would be to attract some hungry cannibals. Nobody knows the secret recipe, but it's finger lickin' good!
Photo Four:
I think it's also important to stress my manliness, what better way than to show that I faced down the fiercest bull in all of Spain.
**as a side note: I ate his testicles after it was over. They were most delicious and potent, I shagged thirteen nymphomaniacs from sunset that evening until sunrise two weeks later to the day.
Photo Five:
Following that train of thought. Here's another photo of me, "the man of steel" saving the world from evil. Right after I flew through an open bathroom window, out the closed living room window, and then through a billboard ad (that's how I lost my boots).
Enchanting aren't they?
I'll be damned if those pics don't beat the socks off the Tony Awards, and if they don't then I don't know jack. For the time being, please continue to send me your photos so I can continue to cripple your social life!
