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Society's Burning Questions

Society's Burning Questions.
Sometimes questions are like that - burning laser beams of intensity that cut through the thin veil of the moronosphere. That sector of cyberspace which is home to the slack jawed troglodytes, knuckle draggers, and hopelessly reactionary among the world's netizens. And here they are.

1. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

2. I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.

3. If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead?"

4. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

5. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

6. I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.

7. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as
they get older, then it dawned on me . . . they were cramming for their finals.

8. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons
and forks so I wonder what Chinese mothers use. Perhaps toothpicks?

9. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed
to do... write to these men? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage
stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail?

10. Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of portraits by Picasso.

11. How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?

12. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?

13. STRESSED spelled backwards is DESSERTS.

14. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

15. Clones are people two.

16. If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

17. No one ever says "It's only a game," when their team is winning.

18. If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

19. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

20. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

21. Think "honk" if you're telepathic.

22. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

23. If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

24. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

25. Whatever happened to preparations A through G?

26. If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

Hey, I don't make this shit up, I just report it.

Should Have Worn A Helmet

Remember: A helmet can't prevent an accident. All a helmet can do is protect an extremely thick skull from making a dull thud when striking the floor during a fall.

K1nda l1k3 teh t1m3 y0ur par3ntz dr0pp3d j00 0n yer hed. L0LZ!

Anyway, the point was...Helmets good, floor bad. Check.

Cats v. Dogs - II

The eternal debate of cats v. dogs continues.

The cat's point of view;

1) We like to do what we want.
2) Despite what you say, we do listen to you when you shout.
3) Yes we are totally unpredictable, but so are humans.
4) We can cheer you up when you need it the most.
5) We love to play.
6) We don't take up much room on the duvet.
7) We don't expect you to cater to our every whim (that's a dogs rumor).
8) We don't hassle you to be taken for a walk.
9) We don't leave as much hair everywhere.
10) We don't cost as much as dogs to keep.

What is a Dog? (From the cat's point of view)

1) Dogs lie around all day, sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house.
2) They can hear a can of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room.
3) They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.
4) They snap when they are not happy.
5) When you want to play, they want to play.
6) When you want to be alone, they want to play.
7) They beg and drool most the time.
8) They leave dog fur every where they go..
9) They leave their toys everywhere.
10) They try to give you a kiss and when they do, boy do they have bad breath.

11) A dog is a plaything for me, I can get them to chase me and then I can give them a roundhouse kick to the head.

Owned!

Cats 2

Dogs 0

Poke the Penguin

Poke the Penguin. C'mon do eeeeet!

The Sixth Dimension, The Invention of Cheese and the Flying Spaghetti Monster?

One of the more humorous things I find in life is people who claim to be "in the know" of things. Nothing says pretentious more than someone who acts like an expert on any given subject, especially on the internet.

It's not only pretentious. It's annoying. Anyone with a computer can incessantly ramble on about their beliefs and publish it nowadays (just look at me).

There are plenty of reasons why someone could be considered a professional in their field. But when that field is so unfounded and mysterious such as the paranormal or metaphysical - whether science may offer an explanation or not - is ridiculous.

Extraordinary claims! Astounding insights! I wanna see some ectoplasmic vomit then I'll truly believe.

Take for example this bloggers description of the sixth dimension.

Now, I'm sure there likely is a series of dimensions beyond our human comprehension and understanding. That being said, I don't think anyone's claims could be necessarily be construed for fact or truth. The mysterious universe is probably just that and to think that we might have all the answers is ludicrous.

I'm not saying that I don't believe that these things are possible. Our thoughts have a way of manifesting themselves into our physical realm. For instance, great inventions like electricity, the automobile, and cheese would not have been possible if someone hadn't thought to themselves, 'Why that's a great idea!'

The main point here is think it, believe it and it will happen. Maybe.

Everyone of course is entitled to their own brand of bigotry. We're all bigots to some extent about something. Regardless if that's right or if we agree with that or not.

So just because the religious norm in western culture and the mainstream beliefs of it's adherents may have effed up some of our fragile little psyches concerning new age or other mystical spiritual beliefs doesn't mean every person that has religious or spiritual beliefs (or horrors) and publicly expresses them has a screw loose.

But I tend to think anyone who makes claims that they found the truth through pure speculation just might be a total wingnut...especially if they are wearing tinfoil on their heads.

Who knows, maybe there is a millionth dimension and our spiritual doubles carry on in everyday life similar to our own, and they believe in Pastafarianism and the Flying Spaghetti Monster?