Sex, Lies and Barbara Walters

After Barbara Walters admits to an affair with former Republican US Senator Edward Brooke
of Massachusetts in her memoir "Audition" and also in an appearance on "The Oprah Winfrey Show", Ms. Walters' voicemail reveals a number of other lurid secrets.

Re: Wandi Maker Needed !!

Occasionally I like to check out Craigslist to see if anything of value is posted. Sometimes you can find items you want for really cheap, or in some cases free. I like to also see what kind of ridiculous ads people put up, and there are plenty if you've noticed. Take for example this help wanted ad in Rhode Island: Wandi Maker Needed !!

Well, I didn't have any idea what a wandi was until I asked a few people. Apparently, it's a cookie formed into a bowtie, fried in oil, then sprinkled with confectioners' sugar... I didn't know there was demand for professional bowtied fried sugar sprinkled cookie-makers. Only in Rhode Island as they say, little do Rhode Islanders know, the rest of New England is actually making fun of them.

So naturally, being the cantankerous pessimistic lame ass bastard that I am, I decided to post a response.

Re: Wandi Maker Needed !! (Cranston)
Reply to: see below
Date: 2008-05-01, 1:32PM EDT

To the guys with the BUSY Italian bakery looking for a professional wandi maker.

Are you SERIOUS?! A professional WANDI maker??????

Don't you mean you are looking for a BAKER or a CHEF - I assume that's who make wandis right - not just a professional wandi maker? Because I seriously doubt ANYONE has "professional wandi maker" listed on their resumes.

Also your reference to pay and inquiries: "hourly wage to be determined according to experience. e-mail us to get more information."

?????

Have you actually had anybody respond to this ludicrous ad? Do most people even know what a wandi is? Would a professional "wandi maker" respond? Would they waste their time? What would that be like, hmm let me see.... maybe something like this:


*********************Re: Wandi Maker Needed !!*********************


Hi wandi making Busy Italian Bakery manager,

My name is Goombah McWandi!
I'm a professional wandi maker, I have been happily making wandis for 25+ years. I specialize in wandi making. Wandi making is a skilled culinary art, for which I have a masters degree in wandi crafting from Wandi Tech. In fact you could say I am a wandi ninja. I wandi all day, I wandi all night. I can even wandi in my sleep. Over 1,000,000,000 wandis served!

My work references include a long list of wandi specialty stores, some non-descript Italian restaurants, and a wandi factory. I work for no less than $3.00 per hour.

Please find my resume attached and call me at your convenience. Ciao!

Regards,

Obi-Wandi Kenobi


So do I get the job?




* Location: Anytown, RI
* Compensation: a pile of wandi
* This is a part-time job.
* This is an internship job
* OK for recruiters to contact this job poster.
* Phone calls about this job are ok.
* Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests. In fact don't contact at all.

http://providence.craigslist.org/lab/663645824.html

So naturally, I haven't heard anything. I'm not surprised really, they probably took my response quite hard and have decided to bring in a trained monkey instead.

I also couldn't help but submit my own post to the Best of Craigslist (just to annoy them and other people a bit more, that's how I roll). Feel free to submit it too.
Vote 'Re: Wandi Maker Needed !! for addition to Best of Craigslist

Who Else Wants a Ginormous Spoon?

I was looking around YouTube the other day when I re-discovered an animation I had forgotten about. It's called 'Rejected' by Don Hertzfeldt. Hertzfeldt's films often feature hand-drawn stick figures acting out combinations of slapstick, absurd, and black humor along with heavier existential themes. Animation is an art form that can never be replaced by seemingly well-made but artistically-shallow CG blockbusters.

Get out your bowl of cereal and grab a spoon bigger than your head. This is fun-nuh!

The film is fictional, premiering at the San Diego Comic Convention in 2000 it went on to be nominated for an Academy Award® in 2001. Hertzfeldt has never done any commercial work, after receiving many offers to do television commercials he always wished he could just make a cheap, nonsensical commercial to give to any company intending to hire him, make off with their money, and see if the terrible cartoons would actually make it to air. Only of course his work would be rejected as he hypothetically depicts in the short film.

What also makes Hertzfeldt unique is that since 1999 he photographs all his films on an antique 35mm Richardson animation camera stand, believed to be the same camera that photographed many of the early Peanuts cartoons in the 1960's and 70's. It's reportedly one of the last remaining functioning cameras of its kind left in America (if not the world), and Hertzfeldt finds it to be a crucial element in the creation of his films and their unique visuals. His early films have been credited as being a prominent influence on surrealism, absurdism, and "random humor" in animation since 2000, particularly influencing Adult Swim style animated comedy.

Hertzfeldt is one of few independent filmmakers who could be considered a true auteur. He usually single-handedly writes, directs, produces, animates, photographs, edits, records and mixes sound, and/or composes music for his films, at times requiring years to complete a single short. The animation alone for one of his films may often require tens of thousands of drawings. Hertzfeldt has never held any job other than working on his own animated films, nor has he accepted "real" commercial work and has stated numerous times on his website and in public appearances that he never will, as he feels they are "lies" and does not want to lie to his audience.

Hertzfeldt's films are regularly found in film festivals around the world winning awards, as well as an Oscar® nomination. Hertzfeldt prefers to not sell any of his original or production artwork. Instead, through his production company Bitter Films in the late 90's and early 00's, he annually auctioned pieces off online to raise thousands of dollars for local Santa Barbara charities. Other original artwork has been occasionally given away through the Bitter Films online store through special promotions. Because Hertzfeldt also rarely does signings, his artwork is very rare for animation collectors or casual fans to own.

You can discover more about Don_Hertzfeldt and his work at; http://www.bitterfilms.com/

For Whom the Meme Tolls

Earlier this month the Dead Rooster whacked me over the head with one of those things... oh, what do you call it, a meme tag! Good gawd no! Not another f-ing meme tag! That's all the internet needs is another meme tag circle jerkfest.

My humble apologies and no offenses intended to my fellow bloggers, or to the Dead Rooster, but the memes must stop here. I appreciate the thought, but one of the meme tag rules is to respect that not everyone you tag will respond. Allow me to explain why I am opposed to meme tags for these following reasons;



1) Beaker says, "Meme meme meme meme". And nothing annoys me more than Beaker. I loathe Beaker. I'd give him stonings and wet noodle beatings until he stopped moving, then I'd do it some more, that's just how much I loathe him. A good muppet is a dead muppet. Especially an annoying one.

2) Memes spread because Blogger A tags Blogger B, thereby making Blogger B feel obligated to answer a series of silly questions or share annoying habits about themselves. It's like a virus, I've caught it, now I'm giving it to you. (Cough cough) I'd rather shove knitting needles in my eyes than have to feel obligated to do something for someone. I find it more fun to play Scrabble without any vowels, in fact I'd rather do that than partake in a meme tag.


3) I also like my freedom and my anonymity. Freedom for instance to post amoral content (which could be humorous) such as my idea of taking starving babies and hooking them to a disco ball, turning it into a flailing mass of meat, shards of mirror and stage lights, then call it art. What the hell, if Yale art major Aliza Shvarts can do a demented art project about her alleged abortions or a loco Costa Rican artist named Guillermo Vargas can chain an emaciated dog to a wall and they can be classified as urban legends and artistic nutters then I can do it too. Only I can do it better. I'll say it's fake but then it will all actually be considered real. Real fake. And since my internet identity is concealed I'll be totally anonymous so it wouldn't actually affect me in the least, it shouldn't affect anyone else either. It's the internets, which is largely unregulated, mostly built on hype, develop your own mental filter, pick your battles and get over it.


4) Krapsody is a steaming pile, that's how it started, that's how it will probably end (in the very, VERY distant future, perhaps an instant before the end of what we know as time, so don't get your hopes up). For those of you who don't like Krapsody, you know where the exit is. I shine a big spotlight on any krap found on the net that strikes my interest. No one said it had to be good, I never claimed it has to be and I certainly don't expect readers to think so either. If it makes you laugh, great! My job is done. If it makes me laugh, that's even better.

5) Meme tagging is used as a way for blatant shameless self-promotion amongst a circle of bloggers, which I do not entirely frown upon. I'm not opposed to whoring as whoring can be good. Unless your blog is over-run by them or the whores are SEO, internet marketing, adult, lenders, pharmaceutical spammers, vying for your attention so they can get you to look at or sell you something that is 9 times out of 10 a complete waste of time. I like to catch spammers at their own game, baiting them with useless links and the possibility of actually being able to scam me. But 99.9% of them use fake email addresses anyway!

6) Meme tagging is an excuse to not write something interesting. How many times does the meme tag get used as a way to avoid posting something of substance? Well there is certainly nothing of substance here. So if you should happen to find it, please let me know. I've tried to find it but feel I am better at golf, and I suck at golf. That's because I hate golfing. Come to think of it I also have an absolutely horrid track record for following instructions.

7) The Pain! The Pain! Meme tags are painful. They cause hemmoroids. Meme tags are entirely responsible for MASSIVE rectal damage. It's true. Because of how much time you spend sitting on your ass trying to keep up with meme taggings and then the comments. As a preventative cure I just shot an entire case of Preparation-H up my bung. I buy it in bulk just for these occasions.

8) Meme tags evoke a sense of elitism, like "we're special and you're not", even though everyone who blogs has done it before. So no one is really that special. Unless it's me. And when I say special I don't mean mentally challenged, I mean special like this.

So, since I've sorta, kinda, already done the meme by revealing eight pointless facts/habits about myself you never really cared to know about (if you were paying attention and caught it), at this point I'm going to break the rules some more. Well, not exactly break the rules. I'm going to CHANGE the rules. How's that? I just changed the rules! Rules are made to be broken... or at least bent. So get bent... RULES!

I will end this meme catastrophe simply by NOT tagging anyone!
Crimeny Jehosophat, tag EIGHT PEOPLE?! No way. That’s too many. Besides, I know I’m late to this party, hasn’t everybody already done this one? I would not inflict the pressure of a meme tag on my worst enemy. Every meme has to come to an end. Look, if you haven’t done it, go do it. Okay? No, on second thought don't.

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