Krapsody's Nottie of the Week™ #8!

It's that time again, I know these articles in particular give you that warm fuzzy feeling inside. Continue reading this trash if you like to throw up a little in your mouth.

This installment of Nottie of the Week™ is all about me. Yes, yours truly has decided after my last post that I really need to get murdered by some skank pushed to the edge of a psychotic break, by being stranded in a trailer in the middle of Nowheresville for over a year without any other human contact but on internet forums and social networking sites like Twitter.

The only problem I am facing with all this is what picture of myself should I include in my ad.

Please review the following photos I have at my disposal, and let me know which one(s) you think are my best (worst).

Might I also add that I've painstakingly chosen from literally hundreds of potential displays of my handsome mug for all to gaze upon. So be sure to thoroughly examine them before making your decision.

Photo One:
A dashing photo of myself taken at the Hamptons. Look at my tremendous physique and what a marvelous tan I have in this photo. I was especially thrilled that I could find a thong bikini that matched my socks.




















Photo Two:
Opting for a more pious role. I thought a pose of myself in more chaste attire may be better suited for attracting a schizophrenic religious extremist, or possibly a nun.


Photo Three:
Then again, being the selective individual that I am, maybe a better approach would be to attract some hungry cannibals. Nobody knows the secret recipe, but it's finger lickin' good!


Photo Four:
I think it's also important to stress my manliness, what better way than to show that I faced down the fiercest bull in all of Spain.

**as a side note: I ate his testicles after it was over. They were most delicious and potent, I shagged thirteen nymphomaniacs from sunset that evening until sunrise two weeks later to the day.

Photo Five:
Following that train of thought. Here's another photo of me, "the man of steel" saving the world from evil. Right after I flew through an open bathroom window, out the closed living room window, and then through a billboard ad (that's how I lost my boots).


Enchanting aren't they?

I'll be damned if those pics don't beat the socks off the Tony Awards, and if they don't then I don't know jack. For the time being, please continue to send me your photos so I can continue to cripple your social life!

Krapsody's Nottie of the Week™ #7!

This Nottie tops the list.

Lonely Butcher Needs Fresh Meat


Hi there! Eddie Durvel here! Resident Axe Murderer!

I'm looking for a lady who likes long walks in the country

Someone shy who maybe doesn't have any friends or family

Likes to hang out in deserted heavy industry warehouses.

Not sporty or into self defence. Likes to give in easily.

Preferably Non-Smoker!

I like long walks and digging.

And of course my large collection of

vicious looking very shiny axes!

Contact me by email


And then wipe all trace of it off your computer

Hope to hear from you soon.

Krapsody's Nottie of The Week™ #6!

"Well I don't mind stealing bread
From the mouths of decadents
But I can't feed on the powerless
When my cup's already overfilled

Yeah
But it's on the table
The fire's cooking
And they're farming babies
The slaves are all working

Blood is on the table
The mouths are all choking
But I'm goin' hungry
Yeah"

- excerpt from song "Hunger Strike"
by Temple of the Dog

Octomom? Octopussy? OCTONAUT. Whatever you want to call Nadya Suleman, this is all I know. Nadya, I see your face when I am dreaming. That's why from the day I saw your face I always wake up screaming.

Just for kicks folks, how about we do a bit of a role-play. I'll be the doctor, and you be the patient..or if ya really wanna get kinky, I could be Nadya Suleman and you could inseminate this test tube for me for 20 more screaming babies!

I imagine that Nadya in the near future will be placing a personal ad looking for Mr. Right (Mr. Stupid) and looking for love in all the wrong places. Well, "wooking por nub"..might look like this.




"What human in this planet is capable of taking care of 14 independently without support from family, from friends, from church? No human is!" Suleman was quoted as saying..unless they're unemployed and receiving help from the government to flip the bill to the tune of at least $1.5M, that's how. Riiight. And there are thousands of people who have recently lost their jobs, their homes, and are glad or lucky to have a bowl of warm gruel from a local shelter to feed their children with.

Having had three miscarriages before she attempted in vitro fertilization she must not have heard God correctly. Suleman stated her biological decisions were a "gamble" she was willing to take. You can't put the toothpaste back in the tube on this one.

These 14 children are going to need MORE than a village to help raise them.

Suleman's mother Angela has been housing and supporting her daughter Nadya and her six grandchildren by a previous in vitro fertilization procedure in a "cramped" living arrangement for years. All the while not seeing a dime of Nadya's more than $167,000 settlement on a worker's comp claim, after she was injured in 1999 while employed as a psychiatric technician at a state mental hospital.

Finally, comparisons to Angelina Jolie? Really? I think not. Maybe she wishes that, maybe others are making that comparison. She certainly seems to have had some cosmetic surgery done as shown in this photo of her prior to this latest IVF (in vitro Whaddevadafuck!) Angelina is reportedly "totally creeped out" by the woman.

Geez guys, I can only wish Nadya the best of luck, she's gonna need it considering the cost of raising 14 kids, that is if she intends to return to work...at least part-time to help financially support them. Or she could farm babies and sell them on the black market. Maybe Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie could adopt a few of them to help out?

Of course, there are offers for book deals and business proposals like television programs, but Suleman has not decided on any one project yet. Must be nice to have those options, considering the reasons for her fame.

Well, most people's preconceived idea of fame is that it must be great, but I should think fame, especially that particular kind of fame, most people really would not want. Unless they are insane in the membrane. What. Don't you know Nadya's loco?

Despite this stigma that will likely follow this woman the rest of her days, possibly for her children as well..her current plans are to continue pursuing a master's degree in counseling at California State University at Fullerton, but it seems apparent to me that she needs to be the one seeking counseling. She's literally, quite MAD.

To make matters worse, it makes me ashamed that this 33 year-old person is a representative of Generation-X, my generation. I'm only four years older than this baby-making machine and I have not one single child (to the best of my knowledge.) Uggh, how scary would that be? Her attachment to my generation just adds to the whole negative connotations of people in the 28 to 48 year-old age group.

But in all the mess, it's the children I feel most for here.
Their innocence will be tainted by this media circus and the mere fact their mother is stark raving mad. Imagine future job interviews for one of these kids.

"Name?"

"Suleman, sir/ma'am. Jonah Suleman."

"Oh, I see. Say, you're one of the Octomom's test-tube offspring aren't ya boy?"

"Um, yeah."

"NEXT!"

You know I really do detest feeling cynical, but it's people with this kind of thinking that is ruining the planet. This is clearly a case of the stupid getting rewarded for their asinine behaviors.

I just hope the stupid stop breeding and popping out babies like Pez dispensers long enough for the intelligent people to catch up in numbers. But I suppose that's never gonna happen when the ignorant don't even realize that birth control exists yet, or if they do, they consider it "unnatural" and a "sin."

Mmkay. So...how do I follow that up?

See ya whenever I have an article that tops this one.

  

Krapsody's Nottie of the Week™ #5

A bit of time between the last installment of Krapsody's Nottie of The Week™. Here's the most recent submission from a seasonal Mall Santa. The rest of the year he moonlights as Buddah, Jabba the Hutt, the Goodyear Blimp, or a crowd of people in low budget movies. Once again the Christmas is in danger! The problems with Santa's wife and elves have pushed the man in red to seek love on the internet.

Krapsody's Nottie of the Week™ #3 and #4

Once upon a time, some freak consumed blue cotton candy, marshmallows, and crack. Then shit out the Smurfs. My greatest achievement? I created Krapspot Personals.

Here's installments 3 and 4 of the Nottie of the Week™ series. I've just been absolutely swamped, so I wasn't able to post #3 up last week. So here are the submissions. Beware they may tickle YOUR fancy. You know where to respond... right here! And you have our sympathies should you be so inclined.

Some of you may remember Kearney from the animated tv show, "The Simpsons". Well, he's real, he's grown up as much as he could 'til now, and he's still a loser. His long list of repulsive turn-ons include: bullying children, hairy chests, elderly women's underpants, Comic Book Guy, and hunchbacks named Sven.

Kearney, seriously. The gay Teutonic thrash metal scene is dead. Even Udo Dirkschneider thinks you suck, pig-boy. Do humankind a favor: go juggle pin-less grenades while riding a wild boar through a minefield, you Grandma-chasing bloomer fetishist. Now that's a killer song, or a kick ass Simpson's episode!


And whom do we have here, or I should say, what on God's Green EARTH do we have here?

 

All I can say is... sheesh! Christ jesus, is it Halloween again, already? That's one hella ugly beast. I don't think I've seen anyone that fugly in a long, long time. And it won't be too soon, should it happen again. Damn your eyes.

Iona, pay attention and listen up. You are possibly the ugliest person in the world, but until someone uglier comes along, you'll do just fine. This personal ad makes people want to choke on their own vomit. You are scaring people away, they fear they'll be trampled to death by a herd of your bargain-hunting friends at a summer sale. Please, go where no-one has ever been before - and stay there.

I had a funny feeling that when I set up a place for personal ad submissions, that the quality of people would be absolute krap. Little wonder with all the freaks out there in internet land. Perhaps those two would make a great couple. I just hope they don't procreate, because unchecked reproduction will be the end of all things.

Gee, you know I can't wait to see what kind of profiles are awaiting me in my inbox for next weeks reviewing. I'm sure it will be more grief, wailing and gnashing of teeth. But then I might not have anything to write about, and you might not have anything to read... until next time.

What do you think - would you date either of the persons above? Leave me your comments at the link below.

Krapsody's Nottie of the Week™ #2!

Back by popular demand, a second installment of Krapsody's Nottie of the Week™!

For your viewing pleasure, our newest member. Lou Zar, a 24 year-old garbage man from Shitsville, USA. Drop me an email to let me know if you'd like to meet this charmer.

Well, by the looks of Lou's profile, he seems rather confused as to how to submit a good picture and properly lie about himself in order to get a date. He probably doesn't know whether to scratch his watch or wind his ass on a regular basis. Maybe someone will appreciate his sense of humor.

Lou if you are reading this, you are nothing more than the words used to dismiss you. Do yourself and everyone else a favor: either pull the glove over your entire head until you suffocate, or fasten a boulder to your clubfoot and go parachuting off the steep side of Mount Everest. I hope that in the future, you will kindly submit more appropriate photos before assaulting unsuspecting readers of this blog with your visual atrocities.

Tune in next week for the next maladjusted, mattress-soiling dreg of the Internet.

Krapsody's Nottie of the Week™!

You may have already heard of the Hottie of the Week memes many blogs and other websites publish.

But not until now has the internet had the Nottie of the Week™!

That's right, it's a new meme I just created. It's officially trademarked now, and Krapsody has it's own personals and internet dating forum, Krapspot Personals right here at Krapsody - where you can meet a stalker meant for you.

So tune in each week to see the ugliest, most disgusting mugs to grace the pages of anything, anywhere on the planet. Maybe you can meet your match. Only here at Krapsody folks. This should be a perfect Halloween scare!


The first inclusion:

Anita Mann looks like she is just a bundle of joy. And quite fit for a bucket of turkey vomit. Maybe these ads are normally charged by the word, but I think that "Vile, repulsive, single, with eyes-so-large-and-fish like-and-abnormally-spread-apart-that-sheep-dog-bangs-a-moustache-and-a-cigarette-couldn't-conceal-her-identity..." would be a much more accurate description. Seriously? An Ewok king someplace is gonna be pissed when he finds out that his daughter is peddling herself.

Here' another fantastic idea. Join a free internet dating site, like OkCupid.com and create a fake profile.

Be creative, submit a fake picture of the ugliest person alive (or close enuff) snatched from anywhere on the net, create a set of bogus interests and details about "yourself" and then eventually send me the link. I'll take a screen shot and post it here for a Nottie of the Week™ showcase. This should bring about the ultimate lulz, especially if you get responses. Our fiasco could also possibly bring the end to internet dating.

Be an internet meme for Halloween and out-nerd your friends... I'll be posting up my fake profile soon. =D