The Onion: US Schools Trail World In Child Soldier Aptitude

A shocking new study finds U.S. children lag far behind their international peers in subjects like rifle assembly and mine defusing.

2008 Election Results Accidentally Leaked Ahead of Schedule

Diebold Accidentally Leaks Results Of 2008 Election Early

"We at Diebold would like to formally apologise to all our Shadowy Puppet Masters. This will never happen again. Please have mercy on us." - Ernie Kenelworth Director of Public Relations, Diebold Inc.

Why, I appreciate the apology, as I know you were speaking to me personally. I am the Shadowy Sock Puppet Master which you speak of. However, you did say way too much. I will ask that you clean out your desk and make a hasty exit for the Mexican Border as you will be living your life forever on the run now, you detrimental tickle-brained sheep-biter.

Strange Weather Forecast

This one's odd. I'd love to read your captions for this one.
Credit: FunnyPicturesBlog




<-- Hello!


This strange forecast still photo is showing what appears to be the newscasters giant schlong...

"And a huge cock-front is moving across the midwest today. I think it's best you pack an umbrella."

Proof: The Earth is Flat!

An Iraqi "Researcher on Astronomy" and a physicist, Fadhel Al-Sa'd, debates an interviewer on Iraqi television. Is the earth flat? Has this guy ever looked at the Sun or the Moon which are round? Apparently, this is an important question in the Islamic world... or his own tiny little mind. If you listen to the video closely I think you can hear his brain rattling around in his head like a BB in an empty box of cornflakes. I can only hope this is a parody with doctored subtitles.

News Reporter Chuck Storm Accident Blooper

Once again, I will remind readers that wearing a helmet will not, I repeat NOT, prevent accidents, but may lessen the damage inflicted on private or municipal property.

Nasty Accident On Japanese Game Show

Kayutsama Hagasuki breaks fall of ancient tree!
See for yourself...

Flatulent Harassment

Ever heard of a drive-by farting?

Brutha Can't Drive: Actor Eddie Griffin Crashes 1.5 mil dollar Ferrari

Seems our Undercover brutha was at it again.

Question is, was he watching porn when he crashed?



Full story can be watched here





Watch the short version (ADD friendly)






More on the million dollar mistake here



Seems the charity is losing out a bit, eh?

I was wondering when the ambulance showed up if someone killed Eddie for the smash up or if he was still alive if he'd ever be seen again.