Do you dress like a douchebag?

Click image to view fullsize


Image courtesy of: http://arabianmonkey.com

Notice

To make things easier for all of us, please notice this Important Notice About Notices.

You may have noticed the increased number of notices for you to notice.
We notice that some of our notices have been noticed.

On the other hand, some of our notices have not been noticed.
This is very noticeable. It is noticed that the responses to the notices have been noticeably unnoticeable.

This notice is to remind you to notice the notices
and respond to the Notices because we do not want the noticed to go unnoticed.


Noticefully,

NOTICE COMMITTEE FOR NOTICING NOTICES

Atheist Sees Image of Big Bang in Piece of Toast

First the Virgin Mary seen in a lump of chocolate, then an email chain letter virus hoax, now this?
Images of the actual big bang toast are copywrighted by Don Chapman so they could only show this image which is a US Govt public domain picture.


But even in this image you can make out the big bang, right there next to that blobby scorched thingy there, sort of. This must mean that the toaster that created this phenomenon is the responsible party for the Big Bang or it's... God! I don't see anything but scrumptious toast, the Big Bang gods never tasted so good with a little butter and jam.

(ACPA-london) Excitement is growing in the Northern England town of Huddlesfield following the news that a local man saw an image of the big-bang in a piece of toast. atheist donald chapman, 36, told local newspaper, "the huddlesfield express" that he was sitting down to eat breakfast when an unusual toast pattern caught his eye.

"I was just about to spread the butter when I noticed a fairly typical small hole in the bread surrounded by a burnt black ring. however the direction and splatter patterns of the crumbs as well as the changing shades emanating outwards from this black hole were very clearly similar to the chaotic-dynamic non-linear patterns that one would expect following the big bang". "It's the beginning of the world" he added excitedly.

Ever since news of the discovery made national headlines, local hoteliers have been overwhelmed by an influx of atheists from all over the country who have farghed to Huddlesfield to catch a glimpse of the scientific relic. "I have always been an Atheist and to see my life choices validated on a piece of toast is truly astounding" said one guest at the Huddlesfield arms hotel.

To the surprise of many, the UK national atheist association has asked its members not to pay attention to the story despite its potential to inspire less faith. "Given what the religious believe already, this is an easy sell" said one disgruntled activist who said he was going to huddlesfield anyway noting that "Seeing is not believing".

Article credit: For Immediate Release: Miracle Toast?

New Virus Alert per CNN is a Hoax

An email chain letter that has been making its rounds is found to be a hoax.
http://www.hoax-slayer.com/olympic-torch-virus-hoax.html

This email "warning" message claims the following;

Subject: Fwd: FW: Please read immediately - virus warning!

READ IMMEDIATELY PLS

Get this sent around to your contacts ASAP...we don't need this spreading around.

PLEASE FORWARD THIS WARNING AMONG FRIENDS, FAMILY AND CONTACTS:


You should be alert during the next days:

Do not open any message with an attached file called ' Invitation' regardless of who sent it, It is a virus that opens an Olympic Torch
which 'burns' the whole hard disc C of your computer.


This virus will be received from someone who has your e-mail address in his/her contact list, that is why you should send this e-mail to
all your contacts. It is better to receive this message 25 times than to receive the virus and open it.

If you receive a mail called 'invitation' , though sent by a friend, do not open it and shut down your computer immediately. This is the
worst virus announced by CNN, it has been classified by Microsoft as the most destructive virus ever.

This virus was discovered by McAfee yesterday, and there is no repair yet for this kind of virus. This virus simply destroys the Zero
Sector of the Hard Disc, where the vital information is kept

SEND THIS E-MAIL TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW ,

COPY THIS E-MAIL AND SEND! IT TO YOUR FRIENDS

According to Hoax-Slayer.com;

This "warning" message claims that an email with an attached file named "Invitation" contains a virus that will destroy the hard drive of the infected computer. According to the message, the attachment opens an "Olympic Torch, which "burns" the whole hard disc C of your computer". However, the claims in the message are untrue. The message is simply a rehashed version of the long running Virtual Card for You virus hoax (see example) and should not be taken seriously. Both hoaxes claim that the information has been announced by CNN, which is untrue. There is nothing on the CNN website about a virus like the one described in the message.

Well, I guess that makes me feel at ease. Now I just have to be sure they discover these other viruses that are hidden inside the Virus Hoax email!

Computer Viruses
The following information is from credible intelligence sources on the latest viruses sweeping across our nation's information superhighway, so take extreme caution and be on high virus alert at all times!

THE GEORGE W BUSH VIRUS - Causes your computer to keep looking for viruses of mass destruction and intermittently masks the pixel colors on your screen, so that you never get the whole picture. Variant of the Neal Bush "S&L" virus, and the Jeb Bush "does what it can" virus.
THE JOHN KERRY VIRUS - Reverses every position each time you turn your computer on
THE AL GORE VIRUS - Causes your computer to keep counting, recounting, recounting ... ad nauseam
THE BILL CLINTON VIRUS - Gives you a permanent hard drive, with no memory
HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON VIRUS #1 - Files dissappear, only to reappear mysteriously a year later, in another directory
HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON VIRUS #2 - Instantly turns 1K of disk space into 1 Meg
THE BOB DOLE VIRUS - Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy similar to the Viagara Virus
THE LEWINSKY VIRUS - Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then emails your best friends about what it did).
THE RONALD REAGAN VIRUS - Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored
THE DR. HANNIBAL LECTER VIRUS - It eats the heart out of your PC with some fava beans and a nice Chianti
THE ELLEN DEGENERES VIRUS - Disks can no longer be inserted
THE ELVIS VIRUS - Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self-destructs -- only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America
THE JESSE JACKSON VIRUS - Warns you constantly about illegitimate file reproduction, while illegitimately reproducing files in the background and rhyming it all
THE MIKE TYSON VIRUS - Quits after two bytes
THE JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS - Your programs can never be found again
THE OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS - Your 300 mb hard drive shrinks to 100 mb, then slowly expands to restabilize around 200
THE E.T. VIRUS - Locks up your modem by phoning home
THE FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS - Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer
THE FREUDIAN VIRUS #1 - Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard.
THE FREUDIAN VIRUS #2 - Your computer becomes envious of your friend's hard drive
THE JACK KEVORKIAN VIRUS - Deletes all old files
THE PROZAC VIRUS - Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care
THE JOEY BUTTAFUOCO VIRUS - Only attacks minor files
THE ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS - Terminates some files, leaves, but will be back
THE MICHAEL JACKSON VIRUS - Also attacks only minor files
THE LORENA BOBBITT VIRUS - Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy, then discards it through Windows
THE VIAGRA VIRUS - Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy see THE BOB DOLE VIRUS
THE VAMPIRE VIRUS - Your PC can operate only at night, and its performance really sucks
THE STAR TREK VIRUS - Invades your system in places where no VIRUS has gone before
THE BIN LADEN VIRUS - Continues to hide in its own set of network connections

Explain this to your boss

How would the guy explain this to his boss?

Alcohol and the Children Don't Mix Well

Wrong on so many levels, this is obviously a case of alcoholic child abuse.

Wikipedia list of films that most frequently use the word "f**k"

No shit, I mean no phuck! Wikipedia lists hundreds of films that used the word. What movie is at number 1? Why it's called FUCK of course.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_films_ordered_by_uses_of_the_word_fuck

Communication Is Important

I came a cross a website that offers a great service, it has an Official Notice generator that you can fill out then email to another party.

BureauOfCommunication.com has a mission as stated on their website.

Every day, there are millions of thoughts that go unspoken. To promote better understanding of the peoples of the world, the Bureau of Communication is pleased to present a fill-in-the-blank stationery for everyday correspondence. Whether you need to communicate a problem, send an invitation to an event, or simply apologize for a transgression, our easy-to-use forms will ensure that your message is clearly conveyed.

One mission when using this service is simple. Sending hate-mail has never been easier.

Top 5 Reasons I Hate Captcha Verification

Another personal rant that couldn’t be avoided. Image Verification. I hate them to the very core. And they just seem to be everywhere around - Digg, Blogs, Websites, Forums, Registering, etc, etc.

1. Today’s captcha’s appear quite distorted and it takes time for people to really understand what’s written there. They are extremely hard to read (even for a person with nArOml eyesight ffs) and you may have to twist your eyes in all directions to really guess what it is. And, the chances are that in your hurry you may mistake one letter and will be forced to waste more fricken time. Is that squiggly/slashy/blobby thing a letter? A number? Is it a penis? What the fuck is that?! Whoever invented captcha is an asshat!

2. Image verifications are a complete waste of time, 100% waste! How many seconds do we waste trying to not only figure out wtf the captcha image is, unless it's legible you're still wasting seconds of your life that add up and could ultimately be used to multitask elsewhere. Like organizing your vast personal collection of bodily fluids in test tubes - by adding a ladle of fresh mucous to them right now.

3. You. Have. To. Do. It. Every. Freaking. Single. Time. You. Log. In!

4. 90% of the browsers being used support JS for now until users disable it - IE, Fx, Opera, Maxthon, Avant. If you have a script blocker it makes even that much more annoying.

5. More and more bloggers and websites are using this system to protect them from SPAM, and I can’t blame them. Thanks to dickhead spammers and the advent of the spambot, the rules of the internet had to change to try to curb the net clogging jibber jabber these fuck-knuckles spearheaded hand over fist. It can cut down on the spamming a bit. BUT NOT 100%. It also makes users hump through hoops to post legitimate comments on your site. That’s a bad thing. The only thing that ensures really is it's guaranteed to drive away alot of users!

Speaking of jibber jabber... I think Mr. T sums it up. FOOL!




Take heed spammers and for the love of the internet gawds simply...

Top 10 Instant Message Status Messages

1. I'm out like a dyslexic in a spelling bee.
2. I'm hiding from the police.
3. Unfortunately, I am with my wife. I wish I was still online. I will still check up on things from my iPhone.
4. I'm out like a fat girl playing dodgeball
5. So I have been on all day. Like I care.
6. One.. minute.. let me put .. the lube down.. where's the kleenex?
7. Shower time! If you want to view a live webcam broadcast. Click Here
8. I'm out like a midget in a slam dunk contest..
9. I'm puking! Wanna hold my hair.
10. FOR THE LAST TIME! Your mother left here at 9 this morning. So leave me alone!

QVC, Dell and some guy in Dover

Funny vid of this guy who calls QVC about how he loves his Dell computer and why.

Classic quote of the century, "Dell is great for downloading porn."
Randy in Dover, Delaware on his Dell. Downloading porn. Definitely depraved.

Know any good recipes for Jackalope stew?

The Origin of the Name?
Well it was approx 1962-64 [can't remember]. I was at the now defunct burger chain White Tower in the sitting room/buttery. They were running a contest to name their stuffed frankenstein like animal. Why I came up with the name jackalope I don't remember, other than the fact it looked like a jack rabbit and an antelope [the horns] so jackalope!

Last weekend I was out with my family taking our usual hike. and bam. just like that some flying bunny w/ antlers comes out. I took a photo of the creature to ask...is it indeed a jackalope?

Remember when Jimmy Carter claimed to have been pursued by a crazed rabbit? Well, guess what it really was?

The Jackalope (Lepus-temperamentalus) is one of the rarest animals in the world. A cross between an extinct pygmy-deer and a species of killer-rabbit, they are extremely shy unless approached. None have ever been captured alive and this rare photo shows a mighty buck about to strike.



Known by the ancients as "deerbunnies", it wasn't until the early 1960's that the modern more fearsome "jackalope" name was adopted.

It is written that you can extract a Jackalope's milk as it sleeps belly up at night. The milk is belived to be medicinal and can be used for a variety of afflictions. The truth is these creatures are aggressive and unpredictable, and should not be provoked for any reason!

The goverment wants you to believe they aren't real, but there are many who believe. The evidence is mounting! Just check out more about the Jackalope Conspiracy and more on the jackalope email testimonials here.

Society's Burning Questions

Society's Burning Questions.
Sometimes questions are like that - burning laser beams of intensity that cut through the thin veil of the moronosphere. That sector of cyberspace which is home to the slack jawed troglodytes, knuckle draggers, and hopelessly reactionary among the world's netizens. And here they are.

1. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

2. I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.

3. If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead?"

4. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

5. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

6. I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.

7. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as
they get older, then it dawned on me . . . they were cramming for their finals.

8. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons
and forks so I wonder what Chinese mothers use. Perhaps toothpicks?

9. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed
to do... write to these men? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage
stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail?

10. Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of portraits by Picasso.

11. How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?

12. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?

13. STRESSED spelled backwards is DESSERTS.

14. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

15. Clones are people two.

16. If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

17. No one ever says "It's only a game," when their team is winning.

18. If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

19. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

20. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

21. Think "honk" if you're telepathic.

22. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

23. If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

24. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

25. Whatever happened to preparations A through G?

26. If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?


Hey, I don't make this shit up, I just report it.

Cats v. Dogs - II

The eternal debate of cats v. dogs continues.

The cat's point of view;

1) We like to do what we want.
2) Despite what you say, we do listen to you when you shout.
3) Yes we are totally unpredictable, but so are humans.
4) We can cheer you up when you need it the most.
5) We love to play.
6) We don't take up much room on the duvet.
7) We don't expect you to cater to our every whim (that's a dogs rumor).
8) We don't hassle you to be taken for a walk.
9) We don't leave as much hair everywhere.
10) We don't cost as much as dogs to keep.


What is a Dog? (From the cat's point of view)

1) Dogs lie around all day, sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house.
2) They can hear a can of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room.
3) They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.
4) They snap when they are not happy.
5) When you want to play, they want to play.
6) When you want to be alone, they want to play.
7) They beg and drool most the time.
8) They leave dog fur every where they go..
9) They leave their toys everywhere.
10) They try to give you a kiss and when they do, boy do they have bad breath.

11) A dog is a plaything for me, I can get them to chase me and then I can give them a roundhouse kick to the head.

Owned!

Cats 2

Dogs 0

Cats v. Dogs - I

Even thousands of years after the fact, there are still frequent arguments on cats versus dogs. They range from cruel and ignorant to bizarre and downright hilarious.

Against my better judgment, we now have a new cat (more on this later), and so far no incidents. Other than the usual territorial battles between her and our other cat. I do like cats as much as I do dogs. But the difference between cats and dogs is huge. Are dogs better than cats, or are cats better than dogs?

One picture can say it all.

Check it out.




Cats 1

Dogs 0

pwn3d!

Dr. Phil Speaks on Spears, OJ and Meteorites

Dr. Phil McGraw responded to rumors Monday that he entered Britney Spears' hospital room at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center uninvited.

In a statement on his website, the talk show host also addressed reports he would dedicate an entire show to Spears' personal dramas.

Dr. Phil's analysis?
"As was widely reported this weekend, at the request of concerned family members, I visited Britney Spears in the hospital. The details of that visit will, of course, remain private," he said in the statement.

Calling Spears' situation "too intense," McGraw added that he was scrapping plans for a special episode of his show devoted to the pop star's troubles.

"We had planned to tape a Dr. Phil Now show today, focusing not on the tabloid side of Britney’s latest problems, but instead on the very serious issues surrounding this case. Clearly, it is not just Britney's family struggling to find a way to protect adult children who cannot be ordered or compelled to seek help."

Added McGraw: "Britney and her family are in our prayers, and we ask that they be in yours."

Britney Spears has also done the impossible since her discharge early Saturday morning from Cedars-Sinai hospital: slipping out of her Beverly Hills home undetected despite the constant vigil of paparazzi and media outside.

And in typical Britney fashion she fled L.A. with a mystery man dubbed her newest beau, Finalpixx photographer Adnan Ghalib, just a few hours after her release, popped into the Daily Grill in Palm Desert around 10 a.m. Sunday. Is the paparazzi photographer setting her up? Maybe. Is she setting him up? Maybe.





But to Dr. Phil and the Krap staff, Adnan kinda does resemble someone else who has been in a bit of trouble lately.






Dr. Phil noted in other news a meteorite was ticketed for landing in a no-parking zone. He plans on intervening, "What was the meter maid thinking, more importantly, what was the meteorite thinking?!", exclaimed Dr. Phil.

Just goes to show you, nothing sedates a soul... or rock, and stifles common sense quite like words of wisdom by Dr. Phil.

Can you see Jesus?

Can you see Jesus? Or is it Elvis? I'm looking at this and I can't tell!



Man, are you sure that's supposed to be Jesus or a likeness of any religious prophet?
What did Jesus look like, have you ever really seen Jesus?

Because to me it looks like one of the members of A Polyphonic Spree, it could even be David Carradine from a moment in the tv show 'Kung Fu'... or maybe it's Elvis. It's Elvis! I knew it! It's a sign that he's alive!

Why, if I didn't know any better I'd say I was looking directly into the eye of God himself.

Praise dog sphincter it's a damn miracle!!!

And remember God spelled backwards is Dog.

Here's a short collection of comments on the referenced article at the NY Nerd's Blog: http://nynerd.com/can-you-see-jesus/

Bow down to doggy ass.

and

God created dog ass. Therefore it is a part of God. Jesus said everything was beautiful. A Dog’s ass is apart of everything. Jesus is God. Jesus created the Dog’s ass. Everything loves it's offspring. Jesus loves dog ass. Thus he can appear.

and

"Thank the Lord"? That sounded like a prayer. A prayer in a public school. God has no place within these walls, just like facts don’t have a place within an organized religion.” - Superintendent Chalmers
Funniest thing ever said in The Simpsons

and

Thank you for Calling Jesus Entertainment Group.

Please listen to this message as options have changed.

If you wish to book Jesus(tm) at your next corporate event, press 1

If you wish to leave a voice mail message for Jesus(tm) or his wife Marymag, press 2

If you require licensing information on placing images of Jesus(tm) on honeybuns, pancakes, glass buildings,grilled cheese sandwiches or dog butts, press 3

IF you with to have information mailed to you about the fabulous new show ‘Candyman Jesus and the Tapdancing Jews’ please press 4

Or stay on the line and one of our delightful ‘Junkies for Jesus’ will help you with your entertainment needs. Remember, December is Kiddy party month, with special 15% off appearances by Jesus(tm) for a full 20 minutes including a small Fudgy the Chocolate Matzo Ball cake and A simple balloon animal for each kid.

and

Oh, man, I hate the fact that God is going to condemn me to an eternity of burning pain, just because I laughed at a dog’s butt. But, He is almighty and just, so I am sure that dog-butt-laughing is a mortal sin, even though I cannot see it just now. I will have all of eternity to reflect on my sin . . . you know, butt laughing. Sorry, Jesus.

In those other comments posted by haters, I find it hard to believe how gullible, how fanatical, serious, judgmental and self-righteous people are about a ridiculous harmless joke. All I can say is, "duh duhr dumb."

Do You Hear What I Hear?

Courtesy of: Radical Atheist - Think free

Christmas Carols for the Psychologically Challenged

1. Schizophrenia
-- Do You Hear What I Hear, the Voices, the Voices?

2. Amnesia
--I Don't Remember If I'll Be Home For Christmas

3. Narcissistic Personality Disorder
-- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

4. Bipolar Disorder (Manic Episode)
-- Deck The Halls And Walls And House And Lawn And Streets And Stores
And Office And Town And Cars And Buses And Trucks And Trees And Fire Hydrants And.......

5. Multiple Personality Disorder
-- We Three Kings Disoriented Are

6. Paranoid
-- Santa Claus Is Coming To Get Us

7. Borderline Personality Disorder
-- You Better Watch Out, You Better not Shout, I'm Gonna' Cry, and I'll not Tell You Why!

8. Antisocial Personality Disorder
-- Thoughts of Roasting You On an Open Fire

9. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
-- Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,

10. Agoraphobia
-- I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day But Wouldn't Leave My House

11. Alzheimer's Disease/Senile Dementia
-- Walking In a Winter Wonderland Miles from My House in My Slippers and Robe

12. Oppositional Defiant Disorder
-- I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus So I Burned Down the House

13. Social Anxiety Disorder
-- Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas While I Sit Here and Hyperventilate

AND FINALLY:

14. Attention Deficit Disorder
-- We Wish You A......Hey Look!! It's Snowing!!!

Resolutions

The Top 12 New Year's Resolutions Made by Pets

12. Have a torrid one-night stand with a street mutt.
11. Try to understand that the cat is from Venus and I am from Mars.
10. I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.
9. Circulate petition that Leg Humping be a juried competition in major dog shows.
8. Call PETA and tell them what that surgical mask-wearing freak does to us when no one is around.
7. Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.
6. Hamster: Don't let them figure out I'm just a rat on 'roids, or they'll flush my ass.
5. Always scoot before licking.
4. Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.
3. Get out of the castle more, maybe swim counter-clockwise this year.
2. January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock! January 2nd - December 31: Re-live victory over the sock.

and the Number 1 New Year's Resolutions Made by Pets...

1. I will NOT chase the damned stick unless I see it LEAVE HIS HAND.





Top Ten Dumb Guy New Year's Resolutions

10. Eat more paint.
9. Remove glass from TV screen, crawl through into "Baywatch."
8. Start buying lottery tickets at a luckier store.
7. Check on Eggos buried in backyard; see if "waffle tree" has grown yet.
6. I's gonna build me a spaceship!
5. Lose every pound of weight.
4. Remember to brush teeth with bristly end of toothbrush.
3. Don't eat medicine just because it looks like candy.
2. Oh who am I kidding, if it looks like candy -- it's candy.
1. Learn what the hell "resolution" means.



Happy New Year! Hopefully your resolutions are more thought out or you had NONE at all.

Queer Eye For the Santa Guy?

DISTURBING SANTA NO. 18

Only 3 days to go until Christmas, friends and neighbors.

Which means, of course, that this weekend will be Prime Holiday Party Time.

Lots of drinking, lots of unwanted mistletoe come-ons and a sleigh full of inappropriate gestures like this one:





I always wondered what happened to the leatherclad guy in the Village People....