Institutions of Jocularity Part I

Fri Jan. 09, 2009

Dingleberry, USA (Krapsody) - Sphincterology, it's not just for assholes anymore. In my continuing effort to bring readers great things, I present you with the latest scoop on religious cults and their megalomaniacal leaders and sheep-like followers..damn you all.

Thought For The Day No. Three

Mon January 05, 2009

Location: Shit, Iran (Krapsody) - Here's an idea. Well, it's more like a shot in the dark, sorta like giving a gun to the blind...

How about our government bails out our poorly funded public schools so that maybe one day our immediate future generations will grow up to be people that will have a fighting chance to be smart enough to design, build and sell cars that are economical, use alternate sources of energy, last longer than a few years and are worth more after driving off the lot - and THEN worry about the failing auto industry, which is...failing, despite the absurdly grotesque amounts of money being thrown at it. Surprise, surprise.

Conceivably everyone should help pitch in and build an SUV-Henge. We know that with big cities strapped for tax income (due to all the foreclosures and all the industries pulling out and moving to China or Timbuktu) public parks are hurting too.

Why not take the current glut of undrive-able SUVs and stack them end on end to build a monument to the Sun that can be used at the Summer Solstice to appease whatever Gods are mad at us? (Probably all of them right now.)

A majestic Public Works project is usually just the ticket to cheer people up during hard times, and the raw material and free labor is all around you. If that fails we can always call it "public art." Thousands of years from now OUR ancestors will find SUV-Henge and wonder what the fuck that was all about.

Or maybe we can just continue spinning our wheels and doing everything ass backwards in our denial, and continue the cycle of feeble attempts to look like we know what the hell we are doing? Hey, perhaps a small kick back (just a little bit) to public schools wouldn't hurt in the long run, you know, so the kids can actually learn how to spell "denial", "feeble", and "would you like fries with that?"...if that idea isn't too hard to swallow.

I could sugarcoat it all for you poor apathetic spineless saps that can barely manage to lick the boots of real democracy. Instead, I try to offer much more pleasant things you can think about while the American Way of Life collapses around your ears. Then, once the dust settles, we can all relax, and commence destroying the planet again (in an entirely different way this time.)

School closures are a serious fricking matter people. I rue the day when our daily routine looks like this:




If you are in denial about your feeble attempts to understand how the internet works, and your fat sausage-like fingers are too greasy from eating fries - just click this here darn link right there duhur! ---> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y0O7_3o3BrI


Oh, forget it. We're doomed. The only logical choice is to hoard rice.

Come on, I know you want to do it with me. Sometimes, just being told you aren’t allowed to do something is enough to make that thing the only thing in the world you ever wanted to do. It's reverse psychology, but now I may have ruined it for the novice thinker.

If that's the case I'll happily walk you through the process: Buy your four 100 pound bag limit at one Sam’s Club, drive to another and buy four more, then back to the one you started at and buy four more, and don’t stop until your entire house is so full of burlap bags of rice you think you are on a Red Cross ship bound for Myanmar.

There. That ought to keep you busy for the next couple of weeks or so until Barack Obama is finally President. I don’t know how much he’ll be able to fix by the time the inaugural ball is finally over, but at least the madmen will have gone back to Texas.

Anyone want some rice?

Eulogy On Death and Dying

..is the business of life.

The cycles of nature require death, but they are senseless to the way we ultimately get there. Indeed, dying is an uneasy prospect and one of which we do not wish to be reminded. Life simply crawls to its end, irrevocably and without discrimination.

One thing that has stuck in my mind since the news of my father's death last Tuesday, is that relationships usually don't change when people are faced with bad news. That's why it's important to build on the strengths and not the weaknesses of a relationship that are in place before an illness comes about, before they are gone, or you may end up having regrets.

Happy New Year

Wishing everyone a Happy New Year! Please be safe. And remember the simple things you are grateful for or appreciate.

On a personal note, I won't be updating the blog for a couple days. After struggling with the ravages of age-related conditions and terminal illness for many months, my dad passed away yesterday afternoon. Being the free spirit he was, he had a good sense humor, so I think he'd appreciate a joke.

New Year Prayer for the Elderly

God,

Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to run into the ones that I do,
And the eyesight to tell the difference.

Rest in peace dad.

Christmas Prowler On Loose is Caught

How to tell if you've been naughty

Sat Dec. 27 , 2008

Christmas Town, U.S.A. (Krapsody) - The Christmas prowler still on the on loose has a name...Santa! That's right year after year "jolly old Saint Nick" has been raiding and looting homes across the globe!

It's the night before Christmas and you might think that you and your family are safe and snug in your beds, but if you think that no one is stirring, not even a mouse, you're sadly mistaken. The truth is that Christmas Eve is the one time of year when you're in the most danger from America's longest-running fugitive, the midnight prowler known as "Santa Claus."