Live Long and Shake Yo Booty

RIP Leonard Nimoy
03/26/1931 - 02/27/2015

Obscure Moments in Pop Culture History II

The Rapture. Tomorrow. Be there or be square. OR don't...it just means more virgins for me, or whatever we get in Heaven. It's Heaven, after all. I am sure you can practically get just about anything you want there. Fried Twinkies drowned in hot fudge on top of a pepperoni pizza wrapped inside of a beef and bean burrito smothered in green salsa stuffed inside of a rack of barbequed spare ribs doused with maple syrup surrounded by a garnish of chocolate truffles dipped in bullcrap. No? I guess it's just me then.

In any event, to make a long story short, all day I've been hearing about and was subjected to some lengthy reading that revealed to me that tomorrow is Official Judgment Day, and seeings as I am a bit short on repentance - at least I think I am (it gets a bit spotty after I've had a few beers at the end of the day) - apparently, I have some heavy repenting to do, in - oh, I dunno...roughly 2 hours, 35 minutes, and 10 seconds.

BOOM...HEADSHOT!!

Bin Laden...dead? Just for the record, this is not exclusive footage, nor is it a dramatic reenactment. At best, it is a cheap sloppy imitation, or whimsical imagining. Good day.

Middle Finger Tired Of Being Overused Cliche Gesture Ends It All

Middle Finger, Vancouver, BC, Canada - The middle finger (also the long finger or bird finger, and usually the longest finger) took his own life today. First responders to the scene say there was no note left behind explaining why middle finger did it. Since this may lead to speculation as to why middle finger ended it all, friends of the deceased say it was probably because middle finger was getting tired of meaning nothing other than "eff you" or "up yours."

15 Rejected TV Pilots

(To be buried forever!) Never judge a book by it's cover, even if it's a little book. Or a little person. They're people too you know.

It's just that, they can do some things that average people can't, like undetected shoplifting. And playing stunt-double to some child actor who will no doubt grow more and more awkward-looking. And such useful skills as not kneeling down to pick up anything, ever.

Speaking of not getting picked up, here's 15 TV pilots that never made it past the heads of network studios, deemed too dreadful even for viewers such as yourselves.

Can You Hear Me Now?

"The inability to stay quiet is one
of the conspicuous failings of mankind."

- Walter Bagehot, 1826-1877

I'm sure you've all been asking yourselves "where has that wild and crazy guy, Static been?" I'll tell you in this torrid tale, just for your inquiring minds that will make your socks shoot off your feet, right into the dirty clothes hamper. It's about damn time too, they were starting to get all crunchy it's been so long since ya changed 'em. Hasn't it?

My gripe of the week: Goddamn cellphone tards! Consider yourself warned.

Doing The Eternal Moonwalk Up In The Great Big Neverland Ranch In The Sky

"Why not just tell people I'm an alien from Mars. Tell them I eat live chickens and do a voodoo dance at midnight. They'll believe anything you say, because you're a reporter. But if I, Michael Jackson, were to say, 'I'm an alien from Mars and I eat live chickens and do a voodoo dance at midnight,' people would say, 'Oh, man, that Michael Jackson is nuts. He's cracked up. You can't believe a damn word that comes out of his mouth.'"

— Michael Jackson "The King of Pop"

Michael Jackson was just weeks away from his FAREWELL tour. Quoted as saying, "This is it. This is it. These will be my final shows, performances, in London. This is it. And when I say this is it, I mean this is it."

"This is really it. This is the final curtain call, OK? See you in July."

But he BEAT IT out of there. The King of Pop has popped his clogs.


No matter what scandals or rumors plagued him, he was still a THRILLER and could always make a crowd of children and adults SCREAM. SCREAM with love, or sometimes with bewilderment, or laughter.

In his illustrious career, Michael more than proved that he could SHAKE YOUR BODY (DOWN TO THE GROUND). CAN YOU FEEL IT? I bet you still can, even today. That's because he's INVINCIBLE.

Which is why it's so hard to believe he's gone. Why, with all the plastic surgery he had, you had to wonder - if not expect that there was some sort of invincibility to the man, like some half-human, half-terminator cyborg, never appearing his age...even I believed that he would outlive everyone. Albeit in the aftermath of a nuclear holocaust.



The hero of many, Michael was always searching for and reinventing himself. In a constant search for the MAN IN THE MIRROR, Michael grew up a child star and surely had a difficult CHILDHOOD..HIStory has a way of catching up to people doesn't it?

Additionally, he was color blind. And Michael made his fans color blind also. No one is sure if he's BLACK OR WHITE to this day.

Jackson put his heart and soul into his work. He was the kinda guy that always WANNA BE STARTIN' SOMETHIN'. He believed in people, he thought that WE ARE THE WORLD.

He was also a shrewd businessman. His friend Paul McCartney told Jackson about the millions of dollars he had made from music catalogs; he was earning approximately $40 million a year from other people's songs. Jackson then began a business career buying, selling and distributing publishing rights to music from numerous artists.

Shortly afterwards, upon hearing that ATV Songs — a music catalog holding thousands of songs, including most of the songs written by Lennon-McCartney between 1963-1973 — was put up for sale. Jackson took immediate interest and got excited, as he did, and skipped around saying, "I want those songs. Get me those songs". Which he did for $47.5 mil.

When McCartney found out he tried to out bid him, Paul begged Yoko Ono to help out - to prevent MJ from getting The Beatles songs..but they failed. Paul later said, "I think it's dodgy to do things like that. To be someone's friend and then buy the rug they're standing on".

In essence, McCartney had been hit by a SMOOTH CRIMINAL. And McCartney politely asked Michael, "If you could be so kind as to remove your knife from my back, please." Not long after that, McCartney strangled Bubbles, Jackson's favorite pet chimp.

Even Farrah Fawcett agrees. When Michael died, he stole her limelight yet again.

It was then that Michael pulled a BLANKET over Paul's head, waved his hand in front of Farrah's face, and showed just how DANGEROUS he could be..by confusing them both with his ferocious dance moves before he took that hot trip to heaven.

Paul fell asleep like a caged bird, and Farrah fell into a trance. Giving Michael the upper hand once again!

When he was among us, all Michael really wanted to do was HEAL THE WORLD. If you thought Michael was as cool as he was made out to be, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Can't get enough of him? DON'T STOP 'TIL YOU GET ENOUGH! Which I hear many of you are...buying up all his memorabilia like that's all there is to the man, or like it's going out of style.

Michael is gone now. He's doing the eternal MOONWALK up in the great big NEVERLAND RANCH in the sky.

He touched many people, mostly children...other people's children. And now he's in a place where he can no longer touch them. Ooh, that sounded really BAD.

But not as BAD as this video game.

Anyway, I guess my point is, Michael, YOU ROCK MY WORLD! Miss ya. RIP MJ.




And now a word from our sponsor:

Dr. Jack Kevorkian offers discounted euthanasia housecalls!

According to Dr. Kevorkian, this site alone, but especially if combined with memes and internet jokes, such as Goatse and/or Tubgirl have destroyed massive amounts of neurons in all of his patients, resulting in eventual brain death to the viewer.

BUT for a limited time only he is offering a new experimental euthanization for the discounted price of $29.95

The Farewell Tour prescription drug!


Order now! ..or feel free to continue the suffering and prolonging of: the inevitability of being in chronic pain - being a vegetable - being a famous celebrity devoid of privacy constantly harassed by people who never leave you alone - being famous but accused of criminal acts that ruin your career and the only way out is death - being a pathetic second-rate commiserable blogger who writes articles in poor taste thereby alienating themself from the blogosphere - or of just being some nobody that people don't care about.


For a one-time-only payment of $29.95 Farewell Tour is the faster - more effective injectable euthanization process*. Just one shot, and it's like taking a nap. Forever.

It worked for Michael and now it can work for you!†

Order today!


*Proven effective for up to the rest of your life in clinical studies.

† Individual results may vary.
This is the very same procedure Michael Jackson used..but only resulted in his cardiac arrest.
Don't expect the same results as Michael, he was a tough nut to crack.


IMPORTANT SAFETY INFORMATION

The Farewell Tour prescription drug is a treatment option you and your doctor can consider along with lifestyle changes. When taking it, don’t drive or operate machinery. Plan to devote the rest of your natural waking life to sleep before trying to be active. Sleepwalking, moonwalking, and eating or driving while not fully awake, with memory loss for the event, as well as abnormal behaviors such as being more outgoing or aggressive than normal, confusion, agitation, hallucinations, and death may occur. Don’t take it with alcohol as it may increase these behaviors.

In patients with depression, worsening of depression, including risk of suicide may or definitely will occur. If you experience any of these behaviors contact your doctor immediately. Allergic reactions such as shortness of breath, swelling of your tongue or throat, blurred vision, may occur and in most cases may be fatal. If you have an allergic reaction while using Farewell Tour, contact your doctor immediately. Side effects of Farewell Tour may include next-day drowsiness, dizziness, headache, or interment (burial). There is a low occurrence of side effects associated with the short-term use of Farewell Tour. The most commonly observed side effects in controlled clinical trials were drowsiness, dizziness, diarrhea, and death. Side effects also include the disappearance of your doctor, but don't worry this is a temporary side effect and will be resolved with the police impounding his or her vehicle, their on-going investigations, and local medical examiner autopsy reports.

Farewell Tour is taken for 7 to 10 minutes –or longer as advised by your provider. Farewell Tour can be taken as long as your doctor recommends. Farewell Tour has some risk of dependency. Especially if it doesn't work the first time, but Farewell Tour is non-narcotic. What a relief huh?

Please consult your doctor for full prescribing information and medication guide.


© 2009 Kevorkian U.S. LLC. All rights reserved.

Note: to anyone who thought you couldn't construct a blog article composed of song titles and/or names of possessions related to an individual then here's proof to the contrary. Pop goes the weasel.



UPDATE!

Farewell Tour drug has been used by Karl Malden and is being considered as a final treatment by Ponzi-schemer Bernard Madoff.

More on this breaking news..never.

The Five Stages of Grief

Anyone familiar with the Cartoon Network - Adult Swim animation series Robot Chicken knows how great and goddamn funny the sketch comedy is. There was a clip I came across while browsing on YouTube, that addresses the Five Stages of Grief, ironically..considering my recent loss, it was quite apropo.

Man!...death...I mean Seth Green is amusing! Good grief, Charlie Brown. Watch the vid...

Really, there's nothing all that "knee-slapping" funny about death or dying. Actually, in retrospect once you're past the shock of the experience, just about anything can have an element of humor.

Why just the other day I was attacked by a mob of clinically depressed circus clown retirees upset over my lame 'anti-anti-comedy manifesto'. They tasered me, shredded my hand in a blender, and poured battery acid all over my genitals. And looking back now..it was HILARIOUS!

The Big Sleep Doesn't Include Getting Any Z's

"I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter." - Sir Winston Churchill

I always end up having a wealth of useless information at my disposal. I am quite thorough and meticulous in learning new things. It's a compulsion I suppose, so I end up with tons of trivial information in my head as a result.

It sometimes makes for great conversation if you end up finding someone who has the same interests. Some people are amazed, like, "how do you know that?" to which I respond, "I have a wealth of useless information right here (pointing to my head.)"

To others I'm sure it's annoying. Like a mosquito buzzing in your ear, or an itch you can't scratch. Well, tough titty said the kitty.

Even when I get bored, but especially when I do get bored, I continue the quest for interesting information (useless of course), so I routinely end up face to face with internet memes. It's a curse I tells ya. A CURSE!

Want to know what kinds of death and destruction occurred on your birth date? It's pretty shocking. And all this time I thought my birthday was boring except that it's John The Baptist's birthday celebration for the Catholic church. Interestingly enough, this may explain why I have the overwhelming urge to drown people. Especially when they are annoying me.

In speaking of Jesus, John said: 

"I have baptized you with water, but he will baptize you with the holy spirit.
Behold the Lamb of Gawd."

Praise Jeebus! Sorry a bit off-topic there. Nothing new right?

Back to my point of providing you with utterly useless information.






Approximately 131,581 people died worldwide on June 24, 1971.

131,581 People

Unusual Deaths in 1971

* Jerome Irving Rodale, an american pioneer of organic farming, died of a heart attack while being interviewed on the Dick Cavett Show. According to urban legend, when he appeared to fall asleep, Cavett quipped "are we boring you, Mr. Rodale?", which Cavett has recently stated in a may 2007 new york times article was incorrect - the initial reaction to Rodale was fellow guest Pete Hamill noticing something was wrong, and saying in a low voice to Cavett, "this looks bad." The show was never broadcast.

Natural disasters in 1971

* 1971 San Fernando earthquake
* 1971 Canberra flood
* 1971 Kuala Lumpur floods

People who died on June 24 (various years)

* 2007 - Natasja Saad, Danish reggae and dancehall artist
* 2007 - Derek Dougan, Northern Irish footballer
* 2007 - Chris Benoit, Canadian professional wrestler
* 2007 - Byron Baer, American politician
* 2006 - Patsy Ramsey, mother of JonBenét Ramsey
* 2005 - Hakham Yedidia Shofet, Former chief rabbi of Iran
* 2005 - Paul Winchell, American voice actor and ventriloquist
* 2004 - Ifigeneia Giannopoulou, Greek songwriter
* 2003 - Vladimir Garin, Russian actor
* 2002 - Pierre Werner, Prime Minister of Luxembourg
* 2000 - David Tomlinson, English actor
* 2000 - Vera Atkins, Romanian-born British intelligence officer
* 1997 - Brian Keith, American actor
* 1997 - Don Hutson, American athlete
* 1993 - Archie Williams, American athlete
* 1991 - Rufino Tamayo, Mexican painter.
* 1987 - Jackie Gleason, American actor and musician
* 1984 - Clarence Campbell, Canadian NHL president
* 1978 - Robert Charroux, French writer
* 1977 - André-Gilles Fortin, French Canadian politician
* 1968 - Tony Hancock, British comedian
* 1947 - Emil Seidel, Mayor of Milwaukee, Wisconsin
* 1935 - Carlos Gardel, Argentine singer (airplane crash)
* 1922 - Walther Rathenau, German Minister of Foreign Affairs (assassinated)
* 1909 - Sarah Orne Jewett, American writer
* 1908 - Grover Cleveland, President of the United States (heart failure)
* 1894 - Marie François Sadi Carnot, French statesman
* 1835 - Andreas Vokos Miaoulis, Greek admiral and politician, commander of Greek naval forces in Greek War of Independence
* 1817 - Thomas McKean, American lawyer and signer of the Declaration of Independence
* 1803 - Matthew Thornton, American signer of the Declaration of Independence
* 1778 - Pieter Burmann the Younger, Dutch philologist
* 1766 - Adrien-Maurice, 3rd duc de Noailles, French soldier
* 1643 - John Hampden, English politician
* 1637 - Nicolas-Claude Fabri de Peiresc, French astronomer
* 1604 - Edward de Vere, 17th Earl of Oxford, Lord Great Chamberlain of England
* 1520 - Hosokawa Sumimoto, Japanese samurai commander
* 1519 - Lucrezia Borgia, Duchess of Ferrara
* 1439 - Duke Frederick IV of Austria
* 1398 - Hongwu Emperor of China
* 803 - Higbald of Lindisfarne



Who would have known all of that?
I hate to sound morbid again in this post. It's not like I'm a total goth like this dude:

it's true Glenn Danzig shits bats!!!!!!

However, experiencing death once again in my life leads me to ponder my own mortality. I don't know about you, but I want to go out with a bang!

Maybe I'll kick the bucket on YOUR birthday...but don't count on it anytime soon.

What's your Death Report?

LOL

Rarely are things so ridiculously funny that I entitle a blog article with an internet euphemism..okay, not entirely true, actually none of the above is true, but LOL does describe this video I came across. And of course, at Krapsody I pass teh lulz on to you.

Courtesy: Waverly Films


Check 'em out, you won't be disappointed. I subscribed to their YouTube Channel months ago and they have regular insane video submissions that are quite hilarious. If you like their stuff subscribe to them, sign up for their feed, send them a billion dollars. What better cause to support in the bail-out plan?

Eulogy On Death and Dying

..is the business of life.

The cycles of nature require death, but they are senseless to the way we ultimately get there. Indeed, dying is an uneasy prospect and one of which we do not wish to be reminded. Life simply crawls to its end, irrevocably and without discrimination.

One thing that has stuck in my mind since the news of my father's death last Tuesday, is that relationships usually don't change when people are faced with bad news. That's why it's important to build on the strengths and not the weaknesses of a relationship that are in place before an illness comes about, before they are gone, or you may end up having regrets.

Happy New Year

Wishing everyone a Happy New Year! Please be safe. And remember the simple things you are grateful for or appreciate.

On a personal note, I won't be updating the blog for a couple days. After struggling with the ravages of age-related conditions and terminal illness for many months, my dad passed away yesterday afternoon. Being the free spirit he was, he had a good sense humor, so I think he'd appreciate a joke.

New Year Prayer for the Elderly

God,

Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to run into the ones that I do,
And the eyesight to tell the difference.

Rest in peace dad.