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"The greatest service which can be rendered any country is to add a useful plant to its culture."

- Thomas Jefferson

I don't know about you, but I sure would like a puff of whatever plants he was smokin'.

You can thank Thomas Jefferson, the third President of the United States (1801–1809), and the principal author of the Declaration of Independence (1776), for starting what would become the largest collection of North American Mammoth fossil bones (in scientific speak that means, old massive pricks.) **No thanks to that wonderful duo, Lewis and Clark and their perverse expedition across America.**

History and science come together in this fascinating story of a woodland salt lick, and how the fossilized Big Bones found there influenced the beginnings of paleontological pornography in America.

"Why not just tell people I'm an alien from Mars. Tell them I eat live chickens and do a voodoo dance at midnight. They'll believe anything you say, because you're a reporter. But if I, Michael Jackson, were to say, 'I'm an alien from Mars and I eat live chickens and do a voodoo dance at midnight,' people would say, 'Oh, man, that Michael Jackson is nuts. He's cracked up. You can't believe a damn word that comes out of his mouth.'"

— Michael Jackson "The King of Pop"

Michael Jackson was just weeks away from his FAREWELL tour. Quoted as saying, "This is it. This is it. These will be my final shows, performances, in London. This is it. And when I say this is it, I mean this is it."

"This is really it. This is the final curtain call, OK? See you in July."

But he BEAT IT out of there. The King of Pop has popped his clogs.

No matter what scandals or rumors plagued him, he was still a THRILLER and could always make a crowd of children and adults SCREAM. SCREAM with love, or sometimes with bewilderment, or laughter.

In his illustrious career, Michael more than proved that he could SHAKE YOUR BODY (DOWN TO THE GROUND). CAN YOU FEEL IT? I bet you still can, even today. That's because he's INVINCIBLE.

Which is why it's so hard to believe he's gone. Why, with all the plastic surgery he had, you had to wonder - if not expect that there was some sort of invincibility to the man, like some half-human, half-terminator cyborg, never appearing his age...even I believed that he would outlive everyone. Albeit in the aftermath of a nuclear holocaust.

The hero of many, Michael was always searching for and reinventing himself. In a constant search for the MAN IN THE MIRROR, Michael grew up a child star and surely had a difficult CHILDHOOD..HIStory has a way of catching up to people doesn't it?

Additionally, he was color blind. And Michael made his fans color blind also. No one is sure if he's BLACK OR WHITE to this day.

Jackson put his heart and soul into his work. He was the kinda guy that always WANNA BE STARTIN' SOMETHIN'. He believed in people, he thought that WE ARE THE WORLD.

He was also a shrewd businessman. His friend Paul McCartney told Jackson about the millions of dollars he had made from music catalogs; he was earning approximately $40 million a year from other people's songs. Jackson then began a business career buying, selling and distributing publishing rights to music from numerous artists.

Shortly afterwards, upon hearing that ATV Songs — a music catalog holding thousands of songs, including most of the songs written by Lennon-McCartney between 1963-1973 — was put up for sale. Jackson took immediate interest and got excited, as he did, and skipped around saying, "I want those songs. Get me those songs". Which he did for $47.5 mil.

When McCartney found out he tried to out bid him, Paul begged Yoko Ono to help out - to prevent MJ from getting The Beatles songs..but they failed. Paul later said, "I think it's dodgy to do things like that. To be someone's friend and then buy the rug they're standing on".

In essence, McCartney had been hit by a SMOOTH CRIMINAL. And McCartney politely asked Michael, "If you could be so kind as to remove your knife from my back, please." Not long after that, McCartney strangled Bubbles, Jackson's favorite pet chimp.

Even Farrah Fawcett agrees. When Michael died, he stole her limelight yet again.

It was then that Michael pulled a BLANKET over Paul's head, waved his hand in front of Farrah's face, and showed just how DANGEROUS he could be..by confusing them both with his ferocious dance moves before he took that hot trip to heaven.

Paul fell asleep like a caged bird, and Farrah fell into a trance. Giving Michael the upper hand once again!

When he was among us, all Michael really wanted to do was HEAL THE WORLD. If you thought Michael was as cool as he was made out to be, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Can't get enough of him? DON'T STOP 'TIL YOU GET ENOUGH! Which I hear many of you are...buying up all his memorabilia like that's all there is to the man, or like it's going out of style.

Michael is gone now. He's doing the eternal MOONWALK up in the great big NEVERLAND RANCH in the sky.

He touched many people, mostly children...other people's children. And now he's in a place where he can no longer touch them. Ooh, that sounded really BAD.

But not as BAD as this video game.

Anyway, I guess my point is, Michael, YOU ROCK MY WORLD! Miss ya. RIP MJ.

And now a word from our sponsor:

Dr. Jack Kevorkian offers discounted euthanasia housecalls!

According to Dr. Kevorkian, this site alone, but especially if combined with memes and internet jokes, such as Goatse and/or Tubgirl have destroyed massive amounts of neurons in all of his patients, resulting in eventual brain death to the viewer.

BUT for a limited time only he is offering a new experimental euthanization for the discounted price of $29.95

The Farewell Tour prescription drug!

Order now! ..or feel free to continue the suffering and prolonging of: the inevitability of being in chronic pain - being a vegetable - being a famous celebrity devoid of privacy constantly harassed by people who never leave you alone - being famous but accused of criminal acts that ruin your career and the only way out is death - being a pathetic second-rate commiserable blogger who writes articles in poor taste thereby alienating themself from the blogosphere - or of just being some nobody that people don't care about.

For a one-time-only payment of $29.95 Farewell Tour is the faster - more effective injectable euthanization process*. Just one shot, and it's like taking a nap. Forever.

It worked for Michael and now it can work for you!†

Order today!

*Proven effective for up to the rest of your life in clinical studies.

† Individual results may vary.
This is the very same procedure Michael Jackson used..but only resulted in his cardiac arrest.
Don't expect the same results as Michael, he was a tough nut to crack.

IMPORTANT SAFETY INFORMATION

The Farewell Tour prescription drug is a treatment option you and your doctor can consider along with lifestyle changes. When taking it, don’t drive or operate machinery. Plan to devote the rest of your natural waking life to sleep before trying to be active. Sleepwalking, moonwalking, and eating or driving while not fully awake, with memory loss for the event, as well as abnormal behaviors such as being more outgoing or aggressive than normal, confusion, agitation, hallucinations, and death may occur. Don’t take it with alcohol as it may increase these behaviors.

In patients with depression, worsening of depression, including risk of suicide may or definitely will occur. If you experience any of these behaviors contact your doctor immediately. Allergic reactions such as shortness of breath, swelling of your tongue or throat, blurred vision, may occur and in most cases may be fatal. If you have an allergic reaction while using Farewell Tour, contact your doctor immediately. Side effects of Farewell Tour may include next-day drowsiness, dizziness, headache, or interment (burial). There is a low occurrence of side effects associated with the short-term use of Farewell Tour. The most commonly observed side effects in controlled clinical trials were drowsiness, dizziness, diarrhea, and death. Side effects also include the disappearance of your doctor, but don't worry this is a temporary side effect and will be resolved with the police impounding his or her vehicle, their on-going investigations, and local medical examiner autopsy reports.

Farewell Tour is taken for 7 to 10 minutes –or longer as advised by your provider. Farewell Tour can be taken as long as your doctor recommends. Farewell Tour has some risk of dependency. Especially if it doesn't work the first time, but Farewell Tour is non-narcotic. What a relief huh?

Please consult your doctor for full prescribing information and medication guide.

© 2009 Kevorkian U.S. LLC. All rights reserved.

Note: to anyone who thought you couldn't construct a blog article composed of song titles and/or names of possessions related to an individual then here's proof to the contrary. Pop goes the weasel.

UPDATE!

Farewell Tour drug has been used by Karl Malden and is being considered as a final treatment by Ponzi-schemer Bernard Madoff.

More on this breaking news..never.