I Saw Her Again Last Night

"I Saw Her Again Last Night," the famous song by the Mamas and the Papas. Bet you didn't know the real meaning behind it...did ya? And you thought news of the weird couldn't get any MORE weird.

note: No animals, persons, or piles of vomit were harmed in the making of this article and video. However as always - Viewer Discretion is Advised.

Yes, dear readers Mackenzie Phillips recently admitted to being raped and then engaging in an incestuous relationship with her father, Mamas and the Papas founder, John Phillips, for TEN years...starting at the age of 19.

If you're unfamiliar with Mackenzie Phillips, she co-starred on the television show One Day At A Time alongside Valerie Bertinelli.

Mackenzie revealed the bombshell on what else, but The Oprah Winfrey Show (the place to make such revelations naturally,) the news coincides with the release of her book, High On Arrival.

So the question remains, is it true, or is it some kind of marketing stunt?
Or is she mistaken...and it's some kind of marketing stunt?

Either way, there appears to be some skeletons in her closet. And it's a brilliant marketing stunt. If her statement and recollection of the event(s) are true, I find it to be the most disgusting and horrible thing I've ever heard...other than hearing that there was a heartfelt tribute to Dirty Dancing on Dancing With The Stars last Wednesday.



Your place or mine? Shame on John Phillips. Raping your own daughter? When she's passed out?

That's only something I would have expected creepy pedophile apartment maintenance guy, Schneider, to be capable of doing..after getting both girls drunk and slipping them GHB.

In High On Arrival, Mackenzie discloses that her dad John Phillips drugged and raped her on the eve of her wedding to Jeff Sessler. At the time, Sessler was a member of the Rolling Stones’ entourage. John Phillips passed away in 2001.

Mackenzie said John and herself were pumped full of drugs when she woke up to realize her father was pumping her. And if THAT isn't BAD ENOUGH, according to Mackenzie..she became a willing partner in the incestuous relationship much later.

Um...EW? HORRIFYING!

Additionally, Mackenzie Phillips has had a long history with drug abuse.
Papa Phillips shot the girl up for her first time. And she states she first tried cocaine when she was 11.

Another creepy old pervert, Mick Jagger, once had a close encounter with Phillips when she was 18. Jagger went into her room and locked the door. Jagger told her he had been waiting for that moment since she was 10 years old!

Mick stripped off his skin tight cat suit, bent over, and with lips so big he can play a tuba..from either end..demanded she snort cocaine off his taint, and mount him just like David Bowie did back in the day.

It's all true.

Also, this bombshell comes after Phillips was charged with two felonies last year on August 27, 2008 stemming from her arrest at LAX while on her way to a sitcom reunion in New York. Several baggies of cocaine and heroin fell out of her pants while going through airport security.

She was charged with one count of felony possession of cocaine and another for possession of heroin. The DA tacked on a misdemeanor charge of unauthorized possession of a hypodermic needle or syringe...just for kicks. I hope she has fully kicked the habit and gets some much needed therapy.


Upon hearing about her frightfully sick relationship with her father, this was my reaction...

video link for those who have flash disabled:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VKac8r794OY


If I may be candid, after hearing about this twisted story...even after seeing The Exorcist as a kid and being scared shitless with all the gross vomit scenes in that flick...I don't like bringing this up...but, I now suffer from emetophobia.

Yes, an EMT with emetophobia (not scatophobia, or even worse, hemophobia...but emetophobia..and now I'm also experiencing bouts of Phillipsophobia - the abnormal and/or irrational fear of hearing about incestuous relationships within the Phillips and other celebrity families.)

It's going to take years of therapy for me to get over this. I think I'm gonna sue.

Wanna know why I have emetophobia? What's soft and warm when you go to bed but hard and stiff when you get up? VOMIT.

Any questions?!

Thought For The Day No. 8

I would really like to find a useful application for lint. It seems like such a wasted resource. Honestly, I feel funny admitting this, but I don't empty the lint trap in the dryer until I know I can pull out a wad of lint so enormous, that it could only be compared to bigfoot, and then I feel like I've accomplished something.

Wash hundreds of socks. Remove lint. Continue napping. And my day is complete.
Let me be clear, I'm not excluding belly button lint here, either. I predict there will be an Art Movement of Belly Button Lint. I believe with the correct shampoo and styling products we could soon see Belly Button Lint gracing the catwalks in Paris and Milan.

Just think about it though. When you clean out your lint trap, imagine all those thick layers of lint you toss out. What if they could be "recycled" and "reused"? Which reminds me, how many socks do you lose every year in your dryer?

Interesting enough, lint can make a great layer of insulation for homes. There are many many other uses for it as well.

For example, making thread from lint, you could replace those lost pair of socks in no time.

Those fuzzy fluffy fibers (which are essentially the by-product of fabrics!) would be a fabulous way to economize the textile industry, don't you think?

We're all trying to think outside of the box with our current economic situation: the restructuring of the health care system, the bailouts, the gasoline shortage and renewable energy...why shouldn't we consider clothing too?

Such an innovation could, oh I dunno...take on a reality series like Project Runway and provide it's homofabulous contestants with such new found passion they literally burst out of their pants?! It's a moment I know I've been eagerly awaiting.

There's no question that such innovation would set the fashion world on it's head!! What an accomplishment it would be to make lines of clothing from...FUZZ! Whether that's dryer or belly button lint (lint in general being the least acknowledged resource), right?! (for more fashion sense see my Hobo Chic article)

In all my excitement it appears I've overlooked an important companion to Belly Button Lint - Bum Crack Lint! Lint can also accumulate at the top of your bum crack, near the small of your back. YES! I know, right?! Depending on the size of your ass, there can be QUITE an accumulation.

Just how much is the question. What is the relationship between these two lint accumulators I wonder? Are they always the same color? Does lint migrate from one location to the other? What are the relative lint densities between bum crack and belly button? There are clearly a number of important, unexplored issues here.

Maybe if we examine it from an astrophysics point-of-view; "A lint gland? Preposterous! However, it is possible through further research to determine that lint is drawn from our underwear by the gravitational force of the tiny black hole that each of us has in our navel." - Albert Einstein on Darwin's Belly Button Lint Theory


Or perhaps human biology is at work; "Lint actually comes from the inside of your belly. This occurred after thousands of years of evolution. There is a (yet-to-be-discovered) lint gland, which resides just behind your belly button. This works something like our sinuses, except instead of producing mucus, it produces lint." - Charles Darwin on The Belly Button Lint Theory


But perhaps the belly button is simply where lint goes to retire after working it's way towards your belly button it's entire life. This is where things get tricky.

According to recent polls conducted by Yours Truly, (there were no subjects to interview, so I made that up), people are relatively indifferent to lint (meaning they have little contempt or love for it).

For example, the "If Your Relationship To Lint Were A Romance, Would Your Feelings Best Be Described As.." poll, consisting of the following answers:

a.) Running scared for the hills!
b.) Wanting to commit, but always feeling unsure.
c.) Ready to make a permanent commitment.
d.) Interested, but taking it slowly and carefully.

25.8% of those polled responded with 'a', 24.6% responded with 'b', 24.3% responded with 'c', 23.9% responded with 'd', and 1.4% responded with "no clue", "get a life", and "f*** the hell off". So the answers given were all too close to really confirm whether people absolutely love or hate lint.

And the "Other Possible Uses For Belly Button Fluff Would Be..." poll I conducted revealed some of the following responses:

storage: "My friend collects his boyfriend's and stores it in his teddy bear." [That Paris (Hilton)..she's a riot!]

clothing: "I'm saving mine to knit a jacket." [Martha Stewart is so resourceful, isn't she?]

baldness: "I'm collecting it for my male pattern baldness . . . " [What does that mean exactly? F*** if I know!]

homecraft: "I reckon we should establish Belly Button Lint collection stations, and make quilts and pillows from it. Maybe we could establish a cottage industry, and have people with spinning wheels recreating cotton and other fabrics from the lint." [EXACTLY!]

lighting: "Could Belly Button Lint be combined with ear wax to make a candle? This could go some way towards solving the energy crisis. I have plenty of ear wax to donate." [I believe this person (Al Gore) is a genius!]

firestarting: "It's useful as tinder when out in the wilderness." [Smokey The Bear is so cool!]


Speaking of wilderness survival, how about those reality TV survival series? Unlike Bear Grylls, most of my skills would be useless in the wilderness. Unless you count making balloon animals as being useful.

Although, balloon artistry is not so useful unless you plan on becoming a clown.
And let's face it, clowns are not so entertaining or popular once you pass a certain age...only fit for children and those that are easily amused.

Although, clown popularity could change if more reality TV shows involving clowns were available for viewers. Here's how one possible reality clown series might play out...

Wilderness Survival Clown: episode 1
Bear spots clown
Clown spots bear
Bear approaches clown
Clown squirts bear w/seltzer water
Bear mauls clown
Wilderness Survival Clown fail

See? Now how entertaining would THAT be? Clown meets bear, bear kills clown. The show contains information, romance, suspense, drama, and lols all in one!


















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Listening to:
The Lint Song by MC Lars
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The Sixty-Four Thousand Dollar Question At Walmart

As I've gotten older very few things shock me anymore. Mostly, things that are meant to be shocking end up making me laugh...which happens quite frequently. I often burst out into fits of laughter. I must look like a crazy person...just laughing hysterically seemingly for no reason.

Whether I'm at the bank and see my account balance after I make a deposit; whether I'm opening my mail and come across my latest cable bill; or whether I'm surfing the internets. This would be one of those moments.

15 Rejected TV Pilots

(To be buried forever!) Never judge a book by it's cover, even if it's a little book. Or a little person. They're people too you know.

It's just that, they can do some things that average people can't, like undetected shoplifting. And playing stunt-double to some child actor who will no doubt grow more and more awkward-looking. And such useful skills as not kneeling down to pick up anything, ever.

Speaking of not getting picked up, here's 15 TV pilots that never made it past the heads of network studios, deemed too dreadful even for viewers such as yourselves.

The Evolution of Pharmaceuticals

As the health care reform debate reaches it's pinnacle of lunacy, I think it's high time to blow off some much needed steam...by focusing on the general public outcry for affordable medications and health care (and how they feel about it) whether the government is involved or not! Y'know, because the general public is sick and tired of getting ass-raped by pharmaceutical companies (one of the real evils in all of this)?

The Evolution of Pharmaceuticals

	2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root.

	1000 A.D. - That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer.

	1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion.

	1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill.

	1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic.

	2000 A.D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.

	2040 A.D. - That root is gone. Extinct. Nada. Here, shove this sand in your bio-port!

*note: This article was not endorsed or approved of by Pfizer, Procter & Gamble, Johnson & Johnson, Bayer, AstraZeneca, 3M Pharmaceuticals, Bristol-Myers Squibb, Biogen Idec, nor any other Big/Little/or Medium-sized Pharma company. But they sure like teh buttsecks!...this article also does not take into account that 2012 is the end of the world according to the Mayan calendar.