Woman Goes for Leg Operation, Gets New Anus Instead

31 March 2008

Frunkfart, Germany (Krapsody) - A German retiree is taking a hospital to court after she went in for a leg operation and got a new anus instead, according to FoxNews.com

When I read some German woman got a new a-hole, I thought it meant she got remarried...

If you think you’re having a bad day, at least you didn’t accidentally get a new anus. But if you did accidentally get a new anus, then yes, you are having a bad day.

D. B. Cooper Parachutes to Infamy

Washingbum, D.B. - Legendary folk hero D. B. Cooper (aka "Dan Cooper", also "Dick Butt Cooper") is an alias of an aircraft hijacker who, on November 24, 1971, after receiving a ransom payout of US $200,000, jumped from the back of a Boeing 727 as it was flying over the Pacific Northwest of the United States somewhere over the Cascade Mountains, possibly over Woodland, Washington. And fell off the face of the earth, literally.

For the last 36 years, no conclusive evidence has surfaced regarding Cooper's whereabouts; the FBI believes he did not survive the jump. The entire bureau is hoping he is smoking a turd in hell.

Local authorities believes he landed safely after parachuting from the jet plane and went mad in the wilderness trying to find his way out, an ironic fate since Cooper had everything else planned out so well. Several theories offer competing explanations of what happened after his famed jump. Some say he made his way to Canada and bought a moose farm while others say he joined a traveling circus. These may well be a fate worse than death.

And so the nature of Cooper's escape and the uncertainty of his fate continue to intrigue people. The Cooper case (code-named "Norjak" by the FBI, and "Nowjackmeyhoffer" and "Kojak looks like Daddy Warbucks" by the United States BFI Dept.) remains an unsolved mystery.

A shot of D. B. Cooper's FBI wanted poster.



A shot of D. B. Cooper's BFI wanted poster.




Although the case is famous for its enduring lack of evidence, a few significant clues have arisen. The first clue: Cooper said, "I have a bomb, you are being hijacked". Then he jumped. In late 1978, a placard, which contained instructions on how to lower the aft stairs of a 727, believed to be from the rear stairway of the plane from which Cooper jumped, was found just a few flying minutes north of Cooper's projected drop zone. In February 1980, eight-year-old Brian Ingram found approximately $5,800 in decaying $20 bills on the banks of the Columbia River.

In October of 2007, the FBI announced it obtained a partial DNA profile of Cooper from the tie he left on the hijacked plane. On December 31, 2007, the FBI revived the unclosed case by publishing never before seen composite sketches and fact sheets online in an attempt to trigger memories that could possibly identify Cooper. In a press release, the FBI reiterated that it does not believe Cooper survived the jump, but expressed an interest in obtaining his identity. They express they have a hard time getting the big picture with such a small screen and acknowledge that they don't have a clue.

On Wednesday March 26, 2008, the FBI announced that another possible clue was being investigated after a torn, tangled parachute was unearthed within the bounds of Cooper's probable jump site near the town of Amboy, Washington. The FBI is still uncertain if the parachute was the one used by D. B. himself, but they are still investigating the origins of the chute and are relying on an expert's examination or scientific analysis of the fabric.



If it is Cooper's parachute, that will solve one mystery -- where he apparently landed -- but it will raise another.

If he survived, where in the plane-jacking-dropped-off-the-face-of-the-earth-sam-hell is he?

Canadian moose farms and traveling circus theories aside, he's probably working on his tan somewhere in Mexico, sipping margaritas, eating lots of tamales and smoking a cuban wrapped in $20 bills. However other sources state they spotted D. B. at a recent Mardi Gras festival, having the time of his life.

Do Dinosaurs Believe in Christians?

Sun, Mar 23, 2008

Easter Island (Krapsody) - Since Easter is here once again, what better time than to ask another burning question that has been on the minds of great thinkers from far and wide - this occurred to me as I stumbled across a lengthy, quarrelsome and hilarious discussion on BlogCatalog.com regarding whether or not Christians believe in dinosaurs. In lieu of challenging logically unanswerable questions answered with meaningless statements, I've decided to turn the tables and ask: Do dinosaurs believe in Christians?

RIPdogs Prepare to Meet RIPlolcats

Andy Fanton's sensation, the RIPdogs have seen their day. Like any internet fad they had their five minutes of fame and people grew tired of them. The internet was quoted as saying,

R u guyz serisly JUS now finding out about LOLcats n RIPdogs?
rofl I don understand y everythin has 2 b spelled rong, itz rather annoying.
RIPdogs already a passed phase, so u can haves them now, if you’d like.
We don’t want them anymore! U loze at Internet. RIPlolcats haz win.

Love,

Internets

Did I read that correctly?! RIPlolcats haz win! Sorry Andy. Meet my newest creation the RIPlolcats.

One day soon we can bring back RIPdogs with the "moment before it happened" shots like this.



Don't get me started on the RIPloldogs or those damned LOLruses.

Are We Giving Robots Too Much Power?

21 March 2008

This just in:

Our newly self-appointed leader President Executron describes humans as oxygen breathing weakling organ sacks that will be replaced by shiny metal bots. Bow down before your robot masters!

Are robots our friends? Click here to find out.