Chicago, IL (Krapsody) - A crocodile hidden in a passenger's bag onboard a plane escaped prompting FBI agent Neville Flynn to say, "Enough is enough! I have had it with these muthafuckin' crocodiles on this muthafuckin' plane! Everybody strap in, Imma 'bout to open some windows," which he did, causing the plane to crash and kill 19 passengers during a flight over Chicago. Ironically the crocodile survived the crash but was killed moments later when a gust of wind hurtled it towards the Superman: Ultimate Flight ride at Six Flags Great America. Breaking it's neck on impact with the twisted steel track, it probably goes without saying that the croc found out what it’s like to fly like the one-and-only Superman.
Somewhere in Orbit (Krapsody) - At risk of sounding like a total nerd, I'm a bit excited. A new planet was discovered. It might be a place that only a lichen or pond scum could love, but astronomers believe that they've found it capable of harboring water on its surface potentially making it a home for plant or animal life.
Nobody from Earth will be visiting anytime soon: The planet, called Gliese 581g, is orbiting a star about 20 light-years away in the constellation Libra.
But if the finding is confirmed by other brainiacs, the planet, which is three to four times the mass of Earth, would be the most Earthlike planet yet discovered, and the first to meet the criteria for being potentially habitable. Which is a lot more than I can say for Detroit.
I am sick of hearing about the swine flu epidemic!
Krapsody just did the math, and we are...eh..I am not so good (in fact you could say HORRIBLE) at math - but according to "our" calculations: .000003% of the planet's population is infected. I think it's okay to be cautious, but I also think we should be realistic about the threat.
All the ridiculous paranoia and internet buzz over it now.
Drivel that includes:
"How do you think the Swine Flu will affect the USA? I'm guessing not too bad... vote now!"
"It was once said that a black man would be president "when pigs fly" indeed 100 days into Obama's presidency SWINE FLU!"
"How does one steer clear of swine flu? ...GO VEGAN!!!"
"Wash your hands!"
"Avoid people who have the sniffles!"
"Avoid anyone coughing!"
"Cough into your elbow!"
"Avoid people and public places!"
"Don't eat any pork products!"
"Is ham made from pigs?!"
Blah blah blah fercrissakes what a mob of bumbling idiots! Blaming Mexico and pigs. As far as washing hands and coughing or sneezing into your elbow, that's just common sense. Do we really have to be reminded of this? But washing your hands alone isn't going to be enough if the virus spreads via airborne transmission.
It seems to me that if it was as infectious as the CDC, the US Department of Health and the WHO are making it out to be..
..then more people have probably been exposed than they are counting on...which I believe more people would have it by now. Since I have every disease known to man..that makes me an expert on infectious diseases.
141 people in the U.S. get swine flu and everyone is wearing masks--millions of people get AIDS and no one wants to wear condoms? What the devil is that all about?
I've read about the media creating mass hysteria, recently even, in my psychology class. I could understand how Orson Wells and the War of the World's radio broadcast in 1938 sent people jumping out of windows in a fit of hysterics. People were paranoid, more impressionable and had access to less information than we do in our era.
Speaking of stupidity and ignorance in the information age, I have to wonder why Russia decided to ban imports of beef and possibly chicken because of swine flu. Does this seem like logical reasoning?
And what about people who have allergies? If they sneeze or cough, are they going to be dragged off to a quarantine camp somewhere for fear they have the dreaded sow sickness?
I get the fact that this could be considered a health threat. For gosh sakes nearly...16 people in Mexico died from it..but Mexico doesn't have the greatest health care system in the world either. Children, the elderly, and those with compromised immune systems are most at risk. So be sure to pack them all into a biohazard suit until the coast is clear.
Do you know how to tell if you have swine flu? Your tail curls. No seriously, click that link for some advice from a doctor about the poop on swine flu, quit letting others tell you what it is or how it spreads and find out for yourself. edit: so do you have swine flu?
I think ignorance and believing things that just aren't true are the real epidemic. Frankly, poor grammar is a worse epidemic than swine flu in my opinion.
Swine flu's got nothing on good ol' bubonic plague...I'm just sayin'. I think we'll have a vaccine strong enough to combat the swine flu before any epidemic rivals that of the Black Death.
The name the WHO gave it even sucks. Swine Flu. Why not: Hog Virus or Piggy Syndrome? But noooooooooo! They wouldn't listen to me!
Their media circus has led other nations like Egypt to slaughter thousands of pigs, hoping to stop the spread of the disease. In the wake of the "swine flu" hysteria the WHO have created, they've now decided to RENAME the bug.
WHO spokesman Dick Thompson acknowledged that the term "swine flu" was misleading consumers and needlessly causing countries to ban pork products and order the slaughter of pigs, over concerns the agriculture industry and U.N. food agency had expressed.
"Rather than calling this swine flu ... we're going to stick with the technical scientific name H1N1 influenza A," Thompson said.
It's now called, H1N1 Influenza A? Gee, that's a much better name alright...
The virus isn't a new one either, as far back as the 70's they discovered the virus in four different forms originating in pigs, but probably mutated at some point and spread with human-to-human contact.
Keep in mind that this virus is infectious up to 48 hours before symptoms appear, so your "well appearing" contacts may actually be infectious. Holding your breath in confined spaces is highly recommended. IF you start turning blue, just continue holding your breath..either way you're screwed pal.
And also keep avoiding pork products. Be sure to wash your hands every five seconds, people will think you are OCD and have you sent off to a rubber room.
It's ironic that people freak out if someone leaves their dog in the car while they buy a quart of milk. But it's ok to lock 5,000 pigs in a confinement center to wallow in their own shit festering with diseases, so close together all they can do is sniff the ass of the pig in front of them.
That's the true face of "the other white meat". What a load of pig shit. The pig has had it rough enough. Lay off them for awhile, ya jerks!
Lastly, health smealth. WHO cares? Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. Death should not be seen as the end, but as a very effective way to cut down expenses. Swine flu is the best thing that ever happened to me. Flights are super cheap because of it. Mexico here I come..I'll be as happy as a pig wallowing in it's own zen!
I'm gonna go get kinky with some swine. See ya when I see ya (or not because I may get H1N1 Influenza A hog virus and spew out my last krap ever)!
In Calexico, California a cook says she saw the likeness of the Virgin Mary on a griddle as it was being cleaned.
Maybe we can all pray to the Virgin Mary griddle that we don't have a swine flu epidemic on our hands and then we'll make some killer pork lard pancakes with it...and a side of bacon.
p.s. Happy Mother's Day
who said you can put lipstick on a pig, but it's still a pig?
Baby Commended After Posting "How To Make A Teen Fly" Child Abuse Video On You Tube - Article & video courtesy of Krapsody
Desoto, Georgia A 16-year-old Lee County teenager who had been arrested and charged with felony cruelty to a child after posting a video on YouTube, demonstrating how to "Make A Baby Fly", has received sentencing yesterday which was handed down by Judge Judy who stated the teen boy shall be at the mercy of the baby he inflicted mental cruelty and intent to cause physical injury to.
Judge Judy had the final word when it came to her lightening speed sentencing which has led to a whole new media circus revolving around the baby's decision and statement to make his own YouTube video later that afternoon. That entire video is no longer posted on the YouTube website, however the best footage was edited and reposted this morning which shows excerpts of the baby's tutorial on "How To Make A Teen Fly" has been making it's rounds all over the internet, the baby gleefully posted.
In that video, the baby orders the teen to be tarred and feathered then stuffed head first into a cannon with several tons of ripe watermelons at a local circus event hosted by Barnum-Bailey-Ringling-Seigfried & Roy Bros, then launched the poor bastard who barely weighs in at 92 lbs., head over feet, across the tent - landing on a goose down pillow, oh the irony!
Paparazzi reports of the teen afterwards stated he had shat his pants, was crying with a snot bubble popping in and out of one of his nostrils between his sobs, and wondering why he was getting all this publicity. The camera flashes apparently blinded him as he inadvertently walked into a tigers cage amidst all the confusion.
The tigers were instantly curious about the teen boy as they had no experience with any other humans other than their trainer and the select few persons who fed them. Of course one tiger was much too interested and snapped the teens head off his body like it was a grape on a vine.
Warning this is graphic and is only a re-enactment!
"It was terrible," said Lee County Sheriff, Harold Breeden. "I can't believe a tiger could do something like that!"
"I guess he found out it's not so darned funny after the baby and that hungry tiger got through with him," said Sheriff Breeden. "He'll think twice, uhhh maybe three times, next time you know, about how funny it was."
Funeral services will be held at the Desoto city dump on Thursday. Attendance numbers are expected to be few or possibly nonexistent.
It's rumored that the boy behind the camera is still facing the same charges and punishment as his late friend. More to come on this breaking news story.
Teen Arrested After Posting "How To Make A Baby Fly" Child Abuse Video On You Tube - Article & video courtesy of ThaLunatic Daily and The Dreamin' Demon
This is so sick I can't begin to describe my feelings about it. YouTube has given certain people an outlet for being as stupid and as comtemptable as they want to be. I've done some stupid things like any other person has when they were a kid. But these idiots prove the theory that there is no limit to human stupidity.
Desoto, Georgia A 16-year-old Lee County teenager has been arrested and charged with felony cruelty to a child after posting a video on You Tube, demonstrating how to "Make A Baby Fly".
The video is no longer posted on You Tube, however a news report has been posted, showing excerpts of the video, the teen gleefully posted.
In that video, the teen places the child on an inflatable pillow and then launches it, head over feet, across the room - landing on the bare floor. The infant, who is 8-months-old, was left in the care of the teen who shot the video footage. The other teen involved was his friend and sent the baby flying across the room.
"It was terrible," said Lee County Sheriff, Harold Breeden. "I can't believe a 16-year-old kid would do something like this."
The Lee County Sheriff's department has arrested the teen (who cannot be named because of his age), and booked him into the RYDC, a Juvenile Detention Center. He has been charged with 1st-degree cruelty to children and 3rd-degree cruelty to children.
Police charged the teen with two counts because it considers the act, and then the encouragement of the act, two separate offenses. Police are also leaving the case open, pending a doctor's examination to determine if the child sustained any injuries from the teens behavior.
"It's not going to be funny when the judge gets through with him," said Sheriff Breeden. "He'll think twice next time you know, about how funny it was."
At first it was reported that the boy behind the camera could not be charged with a crime as there was no way to prove that the boy knew what the other teen was about to do. But now, rumors of a second video seem to be a fact and the boy behind the camera is facing the same charges as his friend.
Here's a YouTube video of that local news broadcast regarding the alleged second video.
After reading the story on ThaLunatic Daily I couldn't help but follow up with commentary of my own as feel that incident is one of the most despicable things I have ever seen. The level of disregard for life to me just boggles the mind. Do we blame this entirely on the children involved or do we also place some blame on their parents and society as well. Why if it weren't for tv shows like Jackass or the WWE we might not have things like this occur, unless parents actually used their brains and supervise and teach their children like they ought to. No word on whether the baby is ok, I'm hoping he is. I think all involved including the parents should be brought up on charges and the infants care should be followed up weekly by a social worker once sentencing has been carried out until he reaches adulthood.
We can poke fun at the idea of hurting someone, say for example pushing an old woman down a flight of stairs like in the movie 'Throw Mama from the Train' with Danny DeVito and Billy Crystal.
We can possibly even see the humor in being dysfunctional and abusive to a child, like when Homer Simpson strangles Bart for acting up.
And how about Dead Baby Jokes? Those can be pretty funny, if you can see the humor in them.
Take Andrew Long's post about Baby On Board signs at Shut Your Sprech Hole, a funny take on how other driver's pay attention or react to those signs people put in the back window of their suv's.
Now that's funny. Only because humor is about referring to things in a manner that suggest an element of being funny. A tendency of particular images, stories or situations that provoke laughter and provide amusement which is sometimes subjective. Humor is comprised of three components: wit, mirth, and laughter. And it hardly ever involves real physical violence. The Three Stooges would concur, and I'm sure the makers of Jackass; Johnny Knoxville, Steve-O, etc. would agree as well (even though they go to some extremes on that show).
What isn't funny? Deliberately launching a baby across the room with intention to harm the child, video tape it and post it on YouTube. And then claiming you thought it was funny and didn't intend for the infant to get hurt. I got such a rise out of this I posted a comment on ThaLunatic's post;
~Static~ said...
OMG that is just sickening. I hope they get the teen some MAJOR therapy and that the infant is ok. July 6, 2008 8:48 AM
to which some dimwit claiming to be a personal friend of one of the teens responded;
the deef end said...
hey im a friend to that kid and there is nothing wrong with him just a stupid teenage mistake how many peope have swung their kids around thinking it was funny or made them dizzy and hurt them?? MANY! he did not want to hurt the baby he just mad[e] a mistake and it is ruining his life with all this publicity July 7, 2008 11:38 PM
Well, I hope "deef end" is joking and if they aren't I hope they can pull their head outta their "rear end" long enough to wake up and smell the coffee. You can read my response to deef end and form your own opinions. Personally, I think if the 16-year-olds that did this did not want PUBLICITY then why did they post it on the internet?! They have less value than the energy expended to calculate their worth. If life was fair, I could only hope they'd do a triple summersault through the air, and disappear up their own assholes instead of making babies fly. It's still not funny, unless you are clinically insane or a complete fuckwit.
Washingbum, D.B. - Legendary folk hero D. B. Cooper (aka "Dan Cooper", also "Dick Butt Cooper") is an alias of an aircraft hijacker who, on November 24, 1971, after receiving a ransom payout of US $200,000, jumped from the back of a Boeing 727 as it was flying over the Pacific Northwest of the United States somewhere over the Cascade Mountains, possibly over Woodland, Washington. And fell off the face of the earth, literally.
For the last 36 years, no conclusive evidence has surfaced regarding Cooper's whereabouts; the FBI believes he did not survive the jump. The entire bureau is hoping he is smoking a turd in hell.
Local authorities believes he landed safely after parachuting from the jet plane and went mad in the wilderness trying to find his way out, an ironic fate since Cooper had everything else planned out so well. Several theories offer competing explanations of what happened after his famed jump. Some say he made his way to Canada and bought a moose farm while others say he joined a traveling circus. These may well be a fate worse than death.
And so the nature of Cooper's escape and the uncertainty of his fate continue to intrigue people. The Cooper case (code-named "Norjak" by the FBI, and "Nowjackmeyhoffer" and "Kojak looks like Daddy Warbucks" by the United States BFI Dept.) remains an unsolved mystery.
A shot of D. B. Cooper's FBI wanted poster.
A shot of D. B. Cooper's BFI wanted poster.
Although the case is famous for its enduring lack of evidence, a few significant clues have arisen. The first clue: Cooper said, "I have a bomb, you are being hijacked". Then he jumped. In late 1978, a placard, which contained instructions on how to lower the aft stairs of a 727, believed to be from the rear stairway of the plane from which Cooper jumped, was found just a few flying minutes north of Cooper's projected drop zone. In February 1980, eight-year-old Brian Ingram found approximately $5,800 in decaying $20 bills on the banks of the Columbia River.
In October of 2007, the FBI announced it obtained a partial DNA profile of Cooper from the tie he left on the hijacked plane. On December 31, 2007, the FBI revived the unclosed case by publishing never before seen composite sketches and fact sheets online in an attempt to trigger memories that could possibly identify Cooper. In a press release, the FBI reiterated that it does not believe Cooper survived the jump, but expressed an interest in obtaining his identity. They express they have a hard time getting the big picture with such a small screen and acknowledge that they don't have a clue.
On Wednesday March 26, 2008, the FBI announced that another possible clue was being investigated after a torn, tangled parachute was unearthed within the bounds of Cooper's probable jump site near the town of Amboy, Washington. The FBI is still uncertain if the parachute was the one used by D. B. himself, but they are still investigating the origins of the chute and are relying on an expert's examination or scientific analysis of the fabric.
If it is Cooper's parachute, that will solve one mystery -- where he apparently landed -- but it will raise another.
If he survived, where in the plane-jacking-dropped-off-the-face-of-the-earth-sam-hell is he?
Canadian moose farms and traveling circus theories aside, he's probably working on his tan somewhere in Mexico, sipping margaritas, eating lots of tamales and smoking a cuban wrapped in $20 bills. However other sources state they spotted D. B. at a recent Mardi Gras festival, having the time of his life.
What in the heck is Krapsody? Humor, comedy, satire, a medley of militant irony. Not Safe For Anyone, Anywhere at Anytime (NSFAAA). These are my scrawlings about anything I find funny, weird, or want to rant about. Add a dash of sarcasm, spoofs, parodies, some slapstick, some plebian rigmarole, and that gas producing potpourri makes this the place to find out of the ordinary humor. It's All Krap, All The Time. Hey, I didn't say it was EXTRAORDINARY humor, now did I? Suffer Pope!
