Friday December 21, 2012 (Krapsody) — In case you didn't get the memo: The world is coming to an end! Over two thousand bazillion years ago the Mayans predicted a giant death toad was going to appear in the sky, it will eat the sun and rays will shoot out of it's eyes destroying the universe as we know it.
Now I know some people are going to want to lick it, but the Mayan Death Toad won't have it. This is no time for last minute wishes or regrets. Too late. There's no escape. Just ask people in time zones ahead of us, like in China or Australia. But you can't because they're all gone! If you have been told that China and all it's people are still there, you're wrong! The cunning Mayan Death Toad knows how to trick people. It's had over two thousand bazillion years to prepare for this moment!
Mayan Death Toad Destroys World Today
What up with Sarah Palin's "Shuck n' Jive" comment?
Just days prior to Obama's reelection, Ms. Palin made a statement on her Facebook page with some offhand remark about Obama and her opinions about his handling of the Benghazi attack, referring to his administration's response as a "Shuck and Jive shtick." Her opponents have been wondering what she meant by that comment. Was her statement racist, or was it taken out of context? Krapsody tracked her down to find out.
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| Palin, down wit de jive. |
"'Sup, dudes! Mah' dojigger be Sarah Palin and I'm waaay down wid de JIVE rap, suckas. Duzn't assume dat plum a'cuz ah' used some phrase about Obama usin' 'SHUCK N' JIVE' means ah' am some kinda racist or sumtin'."
Overly Attached Jesus
My ex is a bit psycho. They just can't understand why I don't like overprotective and clingy.
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| based on Overly Attached Girlfriend @ Know Your Meme |
#BlasphemyDay
p.s. it's satire. Want to do the world a service? Be tolerant, even of those that are intolerant of you and/or your beliefs. #ToleranceDay
So What If It's An Empty Chair, It's Therapy
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| Eastwood is justifiably angry. Because he's old. |
After Clint Eastwood's appearance at the RNC to support Mitt Romney, his empty chair routine thrilled delegates but lost the rest of us. This peculiar performance has had critics doing cartwheels. I'm not quite sure why this was so shocking or funny to some people. It's not like we haven't, or won't experience at some point the effects of aging on those near and dear to ourselves. Here is my reasoning behind Eastwood's behavior in a piece I'd like to call "Empty Chair, Empty Minds, Empty Hearts".
Gilligan Does It Again
It's a redneck's wet dream y'all! DERP!!
LINK
The guy giving hand signals must have shit himself somethin' fierce. I can just imagine the driver and the Hand Signal Guy giving each other looks while they are airborne...
Driver: "What do I do, Haws?"
Hand Signal Guy: "Bail, goddammit!"
If the Hand Signal Guy had just worn a sockpuppet on his hand then this accident might have been prevented... (Read more >>>>>)
Dance, Monkey, Dance!
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So I was just driving down the road minding my own business when I heard a loud thump on the side of my truck. "What the hell??" I said out loud to myself.
Thinking somebody's kid was trying to make a break for it across the street at the last second and had run head first into my truck (which is not unusual for the region I've had the unfortunate experience of living in for far too long and being surrounded by an overabundance of asshat locals), I immediately hit the brakes and hop out to inspect the damage.
But there was only a few kids standing around at the nearby street corner waiting for their school bus to pick them up. The little ones appeared to be aged 8 to 12 and gazed at the tallest one in their group, and there he was, the skinny 6'5" adolescent who looked guilty and was obviously their leader.
—tags: comedy, Dancing With The Stars, douchebag, God and Win, kids, psycho, rants, spoofs
My Encounter With Bigfoot By Karl Childers
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| "Some folks call it a sling blade, I reckon I call it a Kaiser blade. Good for slicin' up bisquits and French fried 'taters." |
One time I's prowling in the wilderness, wandering about, kindly got lost and so weak and hungry I couldn't go. When it begin to get cool, I found a big cave and crawled backin there to get warm. Mm-hmm. Crawled back in and come upon a leaf bed and I dozed off to sleep.
I heard a nawful racket coming into that cave, and something come in and crawled right over me and laid down like a big old bear. It was a hairy thing and when it laid down it went chomp, chomp, chawing on something. I thought to myself, "I'll see what it is and find out what it is eating." Mm-hmm.
Raptor Santa Nearly Ruins Christmas
Sun. Jan. 01, 2012
Minneapolis, MN. (Krapsody) - The seasonal experience of children sitting on Santa's lap and reading him their wishlist is a time-honored tradition, and a delight for young and old. But some things that we experience in our youth will be cherished forever, and some things will never be the same again after experiencing them.
On Saturday December 24 at a Macy's "Santa Workshop" in a Minneapolis mall, shoppers and employees got more than what they bargained for when a curious girl sitting on Santa's lap gave his beard a tug to test it's authenticity. But Santa's beard gave way revealing the scaly-faced reptilian grimace of none other than Raptor Santa - shocking everyone.
—tags: Christmas, humor, Lulzercaust Campaign, parodies, Santa, satire, spoofs
