Photoshop this very tall ship [Photoshop]
23 minutes ago
Showing posts with label funny pictures. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny pictures. Show all posts
Emancipate Your Mind from Mental Slavery
The world's not quite there yet. Maybe it's too difficult for most to wrap their minds around. But then again, maybe they'd be more apt to follow another similar, simpler philosophy. Such as, "Free your mind and your ass will follow."
—tags: comedy, funny pictures, God and Win, humor
The Days of Borsch and Vodka
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Listening to:
The Beatles "Back In The USSR"
—tags: funny pictures, God and Win, parodies, Russia
Taggin 'n Baggin
No arguments here.
The Oscars Summed Up In One Photo
Did you catch the Oscars Sunday night? Wait..wait..wait. Better question: did you enjoy them? Between Ben Stiller's awful Avatar spoof, and those horribly tedious - "I'd like to thank the Academy" and "I'd like to thank Gawd" acceptance speeches, I think I've found the cure for Oscar night blues, and it ain't more cowbell.
Tramp Stamp Trampanzees
The lower back tattoo, also known as a "tramp stamp", "ass antlers", or "whore tag", has become very popular in recent years.
Pop culture has embraced the tramp stamp. But then again, over time, pop culture also embraced the mullet, flannels over t-shirts, parachute pants, stirrup pants, leisure suits, and virtual pets. Hindsight is 20/20. The difference is that these items could all be thrown out or changed. A tramp stamp is permanently yours until it becomes the gramp stamp.
I have conflicted feelings with the term “Tramp Stamp”, because a woman having a lower back tattoo doesn’t automatically make her a “Tramp”, i.e., sexually loose and/or promiscuous. Women should be able to have a tattoo anywhere on their bodies without prejudice. Even if they are badly done. In fact, the worse they are, the more fun it is to laugh at them.
Tattoos can be a very personal choice, so while others of us might not choose to get one, many do for reasons known only to them. If they like them then that is all that matters regardless of what anyone else thinks.
Labels such as “Tramp Stamp” continue to perpetuate tattooing stereotyping and stigmas toward tattoos, especially regarding women and their popular tattoo choices.
Shame on people repulsed by tattoos who make fun of them. Shame on tattoo enthusiasts who do the same. Shame on tattoo artists who give the same stamps over and over again. And shame on tattoo magazines and all of the above for perpetuating antiquated perceptions of women with ink.
Having said that, this is the absolute worst Tramp Stamp I have ever seen:
Your trendy "Tramp Stamp" isn't all that liberating anymore when compared to that one, is it? Shame on you. Try being more original next time, Tramp.
For 20 more of The Worst Tramp Stamps click here.
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Now Playing: You Give Love A Bad Name - Bon Jovi
posted with Foxy Tunes
Thanks to Julie at Heavy dot com for sending me the link.
Toyota Recalls Defective Airbags
NEW YORK, NY (Krapsody) - National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) has found that sudden acceleration events in Toyota vehicles over the past decade led to several instances of collisions, serious injuries, and at least 19 confirmed deaths associated with eight or more popular models. In record time Toyota has now decided to recall those vehicles with sticking accelerator pedals.
To alleviate the problem, Toyota will install new and improved airbags starting this week in over 5 million vehicles.
In a press conference earlier today, Toyota Motor Company representative, Phil Graves, stated that Toyota "...[has] taken these measures so that in the event a gas pedal sticks on any of our vehicles, and if firm and steady application of the brakes and/or frantic waving of the arms fails to stop the vehicle, Toyota's improved airbags will reduce the amount of injuries or fatalities to Toyota owners."
"We want to make sure our customers understand that this situation is rare and generally does not occur suddenly. Rather it's a slow and painful process...until the accelerator pedal sticks and you fly off into the stratosphere like a bat out of hell...or into a brick wall. But that's the worst case scenario. We're trying to remain optimistic."
"Our message to Toyota owners is this – if you experience any issues with your accelerator pedal, please contact your dealer without delay. If you are not experiencing any issues with your pedal, we are confident that your vehicle is safe to drive. But just to be sure, get the new airbags installed..it can't hurt. We'll even throw in a crash helmet, a months supply of adult diapers, and a new set of floor mats," Graves added.
"Nothing is more important to Toyota and our lawyers - I mean..our LOYAL customers than the safety and reliability of the vehicles our customers drive," noted Graves. "We understand the safety concerns the public has."
"Our entire organization of 172,000 - um, wait a sec. We um..recalled...uh, laid-off rather, quite a few 'defective airbags' - uh, defective airbag installers..over the holidays," Graves eyes glaze over a bit, "Ok, so our entire organization of 153, that's 153 North American employees and dealership personnel are working around the clock, without food, water, or sleep, to replace the airbag systems for our customers. The suspense is killing us."
"Rest assured, we've come to the most safe and viable solution for this problem. In upcoming weeks we will address reports about those steering wheels popping off during operation on all vehicles manufactured since 2001. Thank you."
—tags: funny pictures, humor, news, parodies
Thought For The Day: Mom's In Demand
It's been a while between articles, but I'm never gone for long. The internet has a better chance of getting rid of me once Hell freezes over, and considering climate changes and global warming that will happen NEVER. And so lately I've been awful busy making cheese and selling door knobs, and in this economy it's just that much more difficult to sell door knobs made of cheese.
Swine Flu and You
Coming to my Swine Flu Party? We're gonna lick all the inanimate objects in the house..like the door knobs, sneeze on the dinnerware, spit in the punch bowl, then we're gonna fill up Super Soakers with fresh ladlefuls of body fluids and squirt attendees in the face. Come on in!
Most experts say that deliberately seeking out the H1N1 virus in the hopes of becoming immunized is a bad idea. I'm no expert, but I have to say you are a total fucktard if you think this is a good idea.
During one of the many cholera pandemics, do you think people went out of their way to collect diarrhea and roll around in and lap up the liquidy stools in hopes that they would become immune?
That would be like having unprotected sex with or shooting up with a syringe owned by an HIV positive infected person. You might as well increase the odds and load all the chambers on a revolver and then put it to your head and pull the trigger in some ass-backwards game of Russian roulette.
YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG.
What is the CDC’s recommendation regarding "swine flu parties"? (because the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention are experts)"Swine flu parties" are gatherings during which people have close contact with a person who has 2009 H1N1 flu in order to become infected with the virus. The intent of these parties is for a person to become infected with what for many people has been a mild disease, in the hope of having natural immunity 2009 H1N1 flu virus that might circulate later and cause more severe disease.
CDC does not recommend "swine flu parties" as a way to protect against 2009 H1N1 flu in the future. While the disease seen in the current 2009 H1N1 flu outbreak has been mild for many people, it has been severe and even fatal for others. There is no way to predict with certainty what the outcome will be for an individual or, equally important, for others to whom the intentionally infected person may spread the virus.
CDC recommends that people with 2009 H1N1 flu avoid contact with others as much as possible. If you are sick with flu-like illness, CDC recommends that you stay home for at least 24 hours after your fever is gone except to get medical care or for other necessities. (Your fever should be gone without the use of a fever-reducing medicine.) Stay away from others as much as possible to keep from making others sick.
So..a quick review. Avoiding the swine flu = GOOD...trying to deliberately catch swine flu = BAD.
Did we get that yet? If you didn't, then you are really stupid and kind of deserve to get swine flu and in some cases..DIE. But I'm not down with deadly complications. Oh no, I wouldn't wish that kind of undignified death upon my worst enemy. Instead, I hope you just get really really sick, like puke-and-shit-yourself-silly sick and learn your lesson. No swine flu parties!
How about a "Let's Not Get The Swine Flu Party" instead?
There will be plenty of antiviral drugs passed out (the kind you have been trying to get but haven't been made available yet), several chemical germicides to choose from, rubber gloves, surgical masks, and biohazard suits. We can serve up some tasty oeur d'oeuvres with bacon, bacon-flavored soda, and pork rinds.
Remember: Bacon Makes Everything Better!
Maybe if I get the bacon girl baconed up enough, I'll get lucky and make some bacon on the beach. Regular exposure to pigs and pork products is not going to make you immune either, so scratch that idea.
Honestly, as far as swine flu goes, there are worse things to get. Like cholera, AIDS, or DirecTV.
In the meantime, as the Food and Drug Administration works like crazy to produce all that H1N1 flu vaccine that has been promised, Kanye West has offered to do a swine flu PSA because he's cool (and spontaneous) like that.
—tags: commentary, funny pictures, humor, satire, swine flu epidemic
The Evolution of Pharmaceuticals
As the health care reform debate reaches it's pinnacle of lunacy, I think it's high time to blow off some much needed steam...by focusing on the general public outcry for affordable medications and health care (and how they feel about it) whether the government is involved or not! Y'know, because the general public is sick and tired of getting ass-raped by pharmaceutical companies (one of the real evils in all of this)?
The Evolution of Pharmaceuticals
2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root.
1000 A.D. - That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer.
1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion.
1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill.
1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic.
2000 A.D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.
2040 A.D. - That root is gone. Extinct. Nada. Here, shove this sand in your bio-port!
*note: This article was not endorsed or approved of by Pfizer, Procter & Gamble, Johnson & Johnson, Bayer, AstraZeneca, 3M Pharmaceuticals, Bristol-Myers Squibb, Biogen Idec, nor any other Big/Little/or Medium-sized Pharma company. But they sure like teh buttsecks!...this article also does not take into account that 2012 is the end of the world according to the Mayan calendar.
—tags: funny pictures, humor, internet, jokes, parodies
The Internet Is For Porn and HoBlogging!
Perhaps the funniest depiction of this was a Chappelle Show episode. I posted an article on this back in Aug 2007.
It's probably NSFW if you've never seen it, and it's absolutely hilarious, but it definitely raises a number of points that speak to the industry we are either exposed to at some point, or that we work in.
Here's a scenario for you..
Joe the finance executive at a bank is browsing the web. He visits a news site, and a link to a site that suggest adult conversations is flashing in the ad banner space.
Now, Joe is happily married...yet he's curious. Like most women, his wife has lost interest in sex, or more appropriately..she has lost interest in having sex with a pot-bellied red-faced knuckle-dragging smelly conversationally challenged troglodyte, like Joe.
And so temptation overrules logical thought for Joe. He's acting completely right-brained at this point. Living in the moment, simply for the sake of the moment, not thinking about the future. He visits the "adult conversation" site and...BAM! He's assaulted with pictures and pop ups of all forms of pornography.
Now Joe's in a whole other world (also "ho...nutha...level" - the H.N.L.) His basal instincts have taken over and what was supposed to be a quick check in of the local news turned into a revolting and shocking trip down Porno Lane. A few clicks later and an install of flash player, and he's merrily watching some streaming porn on his laptop at work.
For probably the first time in his pathetic life, Joe is happy, Joe is enjoying himself. IMMENSELY.
You, or a similar version of you, an employee of the IT Dept at the bank.. sitting in your position of overwatch, looking for strange and outlandish network behavior notice Joe's computer doing something like this:
111.222.33.44,FSPA,27289,72.213.167.190,FSA,80,909,573,11,6,0,0,TCP,POST / HTTP/1.1..Host: filthybuttfxxkers.com..Content-Length: 116..Connection: close.....,HTTP/1.1 200 OK..Server: nginx/0.5.33..Date: Fri. 05 June 2009 16:20:27 GMT.
111.222.33.44,FSPA,42583,212.55.163.216,FSA,80,784,687,10,6,0,0,TCP,POST /4D3D07E3ABDFC3C5/qxUX4xETUFYBWqc0kaWCzvoCcAQCYSNwZgcyFiBAByC73XXm0CcAYgVSB,HTTP/1.1 200 OK..Server: nginx/0.5.35..Date: Fri. 05 June 2009 16:40:16 GMT.
111.222.33.44,FSPA,16197,212.55.163.216,FSA,80,848,1054,11,7,0,0,TCP,POST /4D3D07E3ABDFC3C5/qxUX4xETUFYBWqc0kaWCzvoCcAQCYSNwZgcyFiBAByC73XXm0CcAYgVSB,HTTP/1.1 200 OK..Server: nginx/0.5.35..Date: Fri. 05 June 2009 17:00:17 GMT.
111.222.33.44,FSPA,3884,66.102.1.101,FSPA,80,1334,12549,13,14,0,0,TCP,POST /safebrowsing/downloads?client=navclient-auto-ffox&appver=3.0.5&pver=2.2&wr,HTTP/1.1 200 OK..Content-Type: application/vnd.google.safebrowsing-update..Date:,,1010110100101011010110100101011010110100101011100000101011010010101,,
111.222.33.44,FSPA,58415,212.55.163.216, HOLY SHIT THIS GUY IS A GOD-DAMN PERVERT! 80,784,687,10,6,0,0,TCP,POST /4D3D07E3ABDFC3C5/qxUX4xETUFYBWqc0kaWCzvoCcAQCYSNwZgcyFiBAByC73XXm0CcAYgVSB,HTTP/1.1 200 OK..Server: nginx/0.5.35..Date: Fri. 05 June 2009 18:00:20 GMT.
Joe has managed to visit one of the countless porn sites that is actually owned and/or operated by a sub-group in organized crime, or hosts malicious flash or other malware.
Joe, in his quest for local news, and following his temptations has opened himself up, and the organization to a whole new world of risk.
Joe is compromised. And so is his job.
Not only is he compromised but he's managed to get a copy of Sinowal loaded on to his computer. Joe, being the finance director at the bank has access to all of the financial information of all of the bank's customers, and he uses this access to run reports. Joe is now responsible for exposing the records for all of the customers of the bank.
Ok, enough about Joe.
What I find interesting about this all is how in a matter of a few seconds, one can go from a nice clean site to an awful bodega of porn in a matter of a few clicks. Like six degrees of separation, the internet appears to be '6 clicks to porn', as in from any site you can end up at a porn site in 6 clicks...or less, depending on how internet savvy you are. Savvy?
It's like walking down a street in a major city and from block to block, you can go from the best part of the city, to the worst and most dangerous. To buy crack cocaine and obtain the services of a hooker. I don't know many people that would willingly walk down a dark dank avenue known to have muggers and other dangerous people. Yet, people do it daily on the internet.
Most users don't seem to put the two together. For some reason it's as if people still believe that computers are in a separate reality and whatever happens on a computer does not have the ability to affect real people or their lives.
If the saying is to be believed, that computers are deterministic, then it can easily be stated that computers don't do bad things. People using computers doing stupid things leads to computers doing bad or stupid things. So shame on you stupid people!
That said, in the case of Joe, do you think he should be punished or should you simply investigate the computer intrusion and ban the internet? Do your intrusion investigations lead to investigation of the people using the computer and ban them from procreating? Is Joe the Witness, the Perpetrator, or the Victim? What's your decision making process? What is the square root of 4 billion 500 thousand and two?
So let's say Joe hypothetically loses his job at the bank, which he does, and his car is repossessed for non-payment, his home is foreclosed for non-payment, and Joe hypothetically becomes homeless as a result, which he is. No one wants to hire a porn addicted banker! Not even McDonald's would hire such a sad sack of vermin.
He takes up the practice of HoBlogging - or hobo blogging..ie. the practice of Twittering without a nest, Googling devoid of an abode, IMing other internet hobos from the comfort of a public library, surfing for porn outside of your element.
How would this impact the world of social networking?
Why, it might mean the spread of information such as this:
How Not To Get A Job
Vice presidents and Personnel Directors of the one hundred largest corporations were asked to describe their most unusual experience interviewing prospective employees:
* A job applicant challenged the interviewer to an arm wrestle.
* Interviewee wore a Walkman, explaining that she could listen to the interviewer and the music at the same time.
* Candidate announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french fries in the interviewer's office.
* Candidate explained that her long-term goal was to replace the interviewer.
* Candidate said he never finished high school because he was kidnapped and kept in a closet in Mexico.
* Balding candidate excused himself and returned to the office a few minutes later wearing a headpiece.
* Applicant said if he was hired he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.
* Applicant interrupted interview to phone her therapist for advice on how to answer specific interview questions.
* Candidate brought large dog to interview.
* Applicant refused to sit down and insisted on being interviewed standing up.
* Candidate dozed off during interview.
The employers were also asked to list the "most unusual" questions that have been asked by job candidates:
* "What is it that you people do at this company?"
* "What is the company motto?"
* "Why aren't you in a more interesting business?"
* "What are the zodiac signs of all the board members?"
* "Why do you want references?"
* "Do I have to dress for the next interview?"
* "I know this is off the subject, but will you marry me?"
* "Will the company move my rock collection from California to Maryland?"
* "Will the company pay to relocate my horse?"
* "Does your health insurance cover pets?"
* "Would it be a problem if I'm angry most of the time?"
* "Does your company have a policy regarding concealed weapons?"
* "Do you think the company would be willing to lower my pay?"
* "Why am I here?"
Also included are a number of unusual statements made by candidates during the interview process:
* "I have no difficulty in starting or holding my bowel movement."
* "At times I have the strong urge to do something harmful or shocking."
* "I feel uneasy indoors."
* "Sometimes I feel like smashing things."
* "Women should not be allowed to drink in cocktail bars."
* "I think that Lincoln was greater than Washington."
* "I get excited very easily."
* "Once a week, I usually feel hot all over."
* "I am fascinated by fire."
* "I like tall women."
* "Whenever a man is with a woman, he is usually thinking about sex."
* "People are always watching me."
* "If I get too much change in a store, I always give it back."
* "Almost everyone is guilty of bad sexual conduct."
* "I must admit that I am a pretty fair talker."
* "I never get hungry."
* "I know who is responsible for most of my troubles."
* "If the pay was right, I'd travel with the carnival."
* "I would have been more successful if nobody would have snitched on me."
* "My legs are really hairy."
* "I think I'm going to throw up."
These quotes are taken from real résumés and cover letters and were printed in the July 21, 1997 issue of Fortune Magazine. (Note: all typographical errors, etc., are as intended.)
* "I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience."
* "I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet progroms."
* "Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."
* "Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave."
* "Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial instutions."
* "Failed bar exam with relatively high grades."
* "It's best for employers that I not work with people."
* "Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience."
* "You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time."
* "Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details."
* "I was working for my mom until she decided to move."
* "Marital Status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments."
* "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."
* "I am loyal to my employer at all costs....Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail."
* "I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing."
* "My goal is be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokeridge."
* "I procrastinate, especally when the task is unpleasant."
* "Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far."
* "As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments."
* "Instrumental is ruining entire organization for a Midwest Chain store."
* "Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job."
* "Marital Status: often. Children: various."
* "Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employess get to work by 8:45 am every morning. I couldn't work under those conditions."
* "The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers."
* "Finished eighth in my class of ten."
* "References: none. I've left a path of descruction behind me."
OR
How Not To Get A Job
And Become A HoBlogging Internet Pornographic SEO Internet Marketing Guru Instead
* Go to a local public library
* Get on the internet
* Sign up for a free email account at Yahoo/Google etc.
* Sign up for a free account at Blogger/Wordpress, etc.
* Write like crazy
*Spam the fuck out of it at social networking sites, etc. like there's no tomorrow
*Tomorrow do it all over again
So as you can see it is possible to have a job "HoBlogging" and make some profit if you are homeless, whether you've lost your job because of the bad economy, or lost your job through your own stupidity...either way join this emerging trend and find a new career as a HoBlogger!
- Static
on being homeless and HoBlogging
Krapsody's Nottie of the Week™ #8!
It's that time again, I know these articles in particular give you that warm fuzzy feeling inside. Continue reading this trash if you like to throw up a little in your mouth.
This installment of Nottie of the Week™ is all about me. Yes, yours truly has decided after my last post that I really need to get murdered by some skank pushed to the edge of a psychotic break, by being stranded in a trailer in the middle of Nowheresville for over a year without any other human contact but on internet forums and social networking sites like Twitter.
The only problem I am facing with all this is what picture of myself should I include in my ad.
Please review the following photos I have at my disposal, and let me know which one(s) you think are my best (worst).
Might I also add that I've painstakingly chosen from literally hundreds of potential displays of my handsome mug for all to gaze upon. So be sure to thoroughly examine them before making your decision.
Photo One:
A dashing photo of myself taken at the Hamptons. Look at my tremendous physique and what a marvelous tan I have in this photo. I was especially thrilled that I could find a thong bikini that matched my socks.
Photo Two:
Opting for a more pious role. I thought a pose of myself in more chaste attire may be better suited for attracting a schizophrenic religious extremist, or possibly a nun.
Photo Three:
Then again, being the selective individual that I am, maybe a better approach would be to attract some hungry cannibals. Nobody knows the secret recipe, but it's finger lickin' good!
Photo Four:
I think it's also important to stress my manliness, what better way than to show that I faced down the fiercest bull in all of Spain.
**as a side note: I ate his testicles after it was over. They were most delicious and potent, I shagged thirteen nymphomaniacs from sunset that evening until sunrise two weeks later to the day.
Photo Five:
Following that train of thought. Here's another photo of me, "the man of steel" saving the world from evil. Right after I flew through an open bathroom window, out the closed living room window, and then through a billboard ad (that's how I lost my boots).
Enchanting aren't they?
I'll be damned if those pics don't beat the socks off the Tony Awards, and if they don't then I don't know jack. For the time being, please continue to send me your photos so I can continue to cripple your social life!
—tags: funny pictures, Nottie of the Week, parodies, satire
Krapsody's Nottie of the Week™ #7!
This Nottie tops the list.
Lonely Butcher Needs Fresh Meat
Hi there! Eddie Durvel here! Resident Axe Murderer!
I'm looking for a lady who likes long walks in the country
Someone shy who maybe doesn't have any friends or family
Likes to hang out in deserted heavy industry warehouses.
Not sporty or into self defence. Likes to give in easily.
Preferably Non-Smoker!
I like long walks and digging.
And of course my large collection of
vicious looking very shiny axes!
Contact me by email
And then wipe all trace of it off your computer
Hope to hear from you soon.
—tags: funny pictures, humor, Nottie of the Week, parodies, satire
A Memory Stick Loaded with Porn Beats a Box Load of Rocks Any Day
Looking for a unique gift? A gift that says it all?
This is what you were seeking then. A gift that exudes style with originality - with simplicity. What better way to show that special someone in your life that you care?
What mother doesn't know that their son would be thrilled when they give them a new Nintendo DS for their birthday.
So imagine the confusion a teen boy experiences upon opening up his gift.. only to find a bunch of stones rolled up in a Chinese newspaper in place of the popular handheld.
When Pigs Fly
I am sick of hearing about the swine flu epidemic!
Krapsody just did the math, and we are...eh..I am not so good (in fact you could say HORRIBLE) at math - but according to "our" calculations: .000003% of the planet's population is infected. I think it's okay to be cautious, but I also think we should be realistic about the threat.
All the ridiculous paranoia and internet buzz over it now.
Drivel that includes:
"How do you think the Swine Flu will affect the USA? I'm guessing not too bad... vote now!"
"It was once said that a black man would be president "when pigs fly" indeed 100 days into Obama's presidency SWINE FLU!"
"How does one steer clear of swine flu? ...GO VEGAN!!!"
"Wash your hands!"
"Avoid people who have the sniffles!"
"Avoid anyone coughing!"
"Cough into your elbow!"
"Avoid people and public places!"
"Don't eat any pork products!"
"Is ham made from pigs?!"
Blah blah blah fercrissakes what a mob of bumbling idiots! Blaming Mexico and pigs. As far as washing hands and coughing or sneezing into your elbow, that's just common sense. Do we really have to be reminded of this? But washing your hands alone isn't going to be enough if the virus spreads via airborne transmission.
It seems to me that if it was as infectious as the CDC, the US Department of Health and the WHO are making it out to be..
..then more people have probably been exposed than they are counting on...which I believe more people would have it by now. Since I have every disease known to man..that makes me an expert on infectious diseases.
141 people in the U.S. get swine flu and everyone is wearing masks--millions of people get AIDS and no one wants to wear condoms? What the devil is that all about?
I've read about the media creating mass hysteria, recently even, in my psychology class. I could understand how Orson Wells and the War of the World's radio broadcast in 1938 sent people jumping out of windows in a fit of hysterics. People were paranoid, more impressionable and had access to less information than we do in our era.
Speaking of stupidity and ignorance in the information age, I have to wonder why Russia decided to ban imports of beef and possibly chicken because of swine flu. Does this seem like logical reasoning?
And what about people who have allergies? If they sneeze or cough, are they going to be dragged off to a quarantine camp somewhere for fear they have the dreaded sow sickness?
I get the fact that this could be considered a health threat. For gosh sakes nearly...16 people in Mexico died from it..but Mexico doesn't have the greatest health care system in the world either. Children, the elderly, and those with compromised immune systems are most at risk. So be sure to pack them all into a biohazard suit until the coast is clear.
Do you know how to tell if you have swine flu? Your tail curls. No seriously, click that link for some advice from a doctor about the poop on swine flu, quit letting others tell you what it is or how it spreads and find out for yourself. edit: so do you have swine flu?
I think ignorance and believing things that just aren't true are the real epidemic. Frankly, poor grammar is a worse epidemic than swine flu in my opinion.
Swine flu's got nothing on good ol' bubonic plague...I'm just sayin'. I think we'll have a vaccine strong enough to combat the swine flu before any epidemic rivals that of the Black Death.
The name the WHO gave it even sucks. Swine Flu. Why not: Hog Virus or Piggy Syndrome? But noooooooooo! They wouldn't listen to me!
Their media circus has led other nations like Egypt to slaughter thousands of pigs, hoping to stop the spread of the disease. In the wake of the "swine flu" hysteria the WHO have created, they've now decided to RENAME the bug.
WHO spokesman Dick Thompson acknowledged that the term "swine flu" was misleading consumers and needlessly causing countries to ban pork products and order the slaughter of pigs, over concerns the agriculture industry and U.N. food agency had expressed.
"Rather than calling this swine flu ... we're going to stick with the technical scientific name H1N1 influenza A," Thompson said.
It's now called, H1N1 Influenza A? Gee, that's a much better name alright...
The virus isn't a new one either, as far back as the 70's they discovered the virus in four different forms originating in pigs, but probably mutated at some point and spread with human-to-human contact.
Keep in mind that this virus is infectious up to 48 hours before symptoms appear, so your "well appearing" contacts may actually be infectious. Holding your breath in confined spaces is highly recommended. IF you start turning blue, just continue holding your breath..either way you're screwed pal.
And also keep avoiding pork products. Be sure to wash your hands every five seconds, people will think you are OCD and have you sent off to a rubber room.
Especially since the AP reports a little over an hour ago that the "swine flu" may be less potent than first feared. Feel confused, or stupid now?
It's ironic that people freak out if someone leaves their dog in the car while they buy a quart of milk. But it's ok to lock 5,000 pigs in a confinement center to wallow in their own shit festering with diseases, so close together all they can do is sniff the ass of the pig in front of them.
That's the true face of "the other white meat". What a load of pig shit. The pig has had it rough enough. Lay off them for awhile, ya jerks!
Lastly, health smealth. WHO cares? Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. Death should not be seen as the end, but as a very effective way to cut down expenses. Swine flu is the best thing that ever happened to me. Flights are super cheap because of it. Mexico here I come..I'll be as happy as a pig wallowing in it's own zen!
I'm gonna go get kinky with some swine. See ya when I see ya (or not because I may get H1N1 Influenza A hog virus and spew out my last krap ever)!
Click the image for more Piggy Kink
Also, in another Mexico related news story:
Diners report seeing Virgin Mary in food griddle
In Calexico, California a cook says she saw the likeness of the Virgin Mary on a griddle as it was being cleaned.
Maybe we can all pray to the Virgin Mary griddle that we don't have a swine flu epidemic on our hands and then we'll make some killer pork lard pancakes with it...and a side of bacon.
p.s. Happy Mother's Day
who said you can put lipstick on a pig, but it's still a pig?
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Listening to:
When Someone Ruins Your Kodak Moment
We've all been there before. A night out on the town or a day at the carnival, taking snapshots of you and your friends or family having fun to preserve the memories, and some dickweed from outta nowhere sticks their fat face in your pic.
Honestly, it sucks to have other people in the background of your shots, but sometimes it's unavoidable in public places. Most of the time it's an innocent mistake, people just don't realize they are in the background. But then there is the occasional jerk-in-the box who relishes such circumstances.
No tip for you bitch.
You're a douchebag out nightclubbing with your homies, and to show how cool and attractive to the opposite sex you think you are, you have three girls pose with you and some other douchebag (probably your friend) in the background decides to go digging for gold at just the most inopportune moment evar.
Wilmer Valderrama is so cool man. I don't know if that's him, but even if this isn't him, he's still a douchebag.
Or how about the fat topless person creeping into your wedding photo?
That might be the most disgusting photo so far. Talk about wedding crashers.
A day at the beach can be ruined in a variety of ways.
Like for instance when the family dog answers the call of nature in your 'aren't they all so cute' photo
You're goofing around on the beach and 'I'll steal a quick candid snapshot' is interrupted by a skank with a hangover and a nasty case of the crabs who creeps into the viewfinder scratching at her pubes and the dried spunk on her crotch from her 20 guy creampie last night.
Beach combing is so much fun. You find a spot to relax and take a picture with your girlfriends and your Old Navy outfitted trendifuck metrosexual boyfriends decide they want to be in your picture too.
"Hey Chandler, guess who's doing the wobbly-h tonight? Ha ha ha ha!" STFU. Only you and your homophobic friends are doing gay sex acrobatics for everyone on the internet to see, assclowns.
You're on vacation and stop at a famous local bar. You take a snapshot before leaving to say, "I've been there" and some jaggoff lit up on Jager you shot down moments before presses his mudflaps to the window behind you.
That guy must do some serious manscaping to get his ass that smooth.
Every redneck sportsman in Hicksville wants to look cool to their buddies. Just slapping a deer rack over your fireplace isn't enough. No, you have to take pictures of you and your slaughtered animals you sick beast. Even more sick than that is when your dog decides to get frisky with the dead deer in your snapshot.
Did your pooch learn how to mount deer by watching you?
You look at your pictures on your camera phone and notice that one is interrupted by someone else's special moment.
Aww, isn't that romantic?
Camera phones are great aren't they? They are so useful. Since they became available every pervert in the world has been using them creatively for upskirt shots and more.
Wonder why junior spends so much time in the bathroom?
You know you aren't going to get too many calls for your personal ad when Scooby and Shaggy think you're face is pretty spooky.
Finally, nothing could piss you off more when you are trying to have an intimate moment with your SUV and YOUR FACE ruins the picture!
Talk about getting some tail...pipe.
—tags: funny pictures, humor, kodak moments
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